NO Girl
by okaywithit
Summary: Tegan and Sara went to New Orleans in November 2008 for 5 days to write songs alone together for the first and only time ever. That's a fact. My story is an imagining of what happened that caused them to go from always fighting leading to a fist fight in February 2008 then ending up with them getting along so well they made a movie about it called Get Along. Something happened...
1. NO Girl Chapter 1 - Couples Massage

Tegan stepped inside the front door then dropped her bags to take a look at the house her and her sister would be staying at for the week. Sara had called her a few weeks prior and asked if she wanted to try writing songs together for their next album. Sara's phone call had been a pleasant surprise as the twins were working on rebuilding their relationship after the fist fight they had in Glasgow earlier that year. Hours of joint therapy and solo therapy sessions had mended it but left the sisters with a distant, formal vibe that just felt different.

Sara had taken care of all the arrangements for the 5 days they'd be writing together including renting a house with a working studio in the basement and booking the separate flights to New Orleans. Tegan's arrived from LAX to the New Orleans airport about an hour before Sara's flight from Montreal arrived. She had spent the time getting her bags then waiting at the terminal for her sister. Tegan was so happy to see Sara that she practically ran to throw her arms around her and ask how her flight was. They spent the cab ride to the house talking non-stop about the plans for the week.

When they got to the house, Tegan entered first then scanned the living room and kitchen scooting to the right so Sara could enter.

"Nice place. Hmm" Tegan said taking in the scent of the spacious 2 bedroom house "Smells like candles, maybe vanilla."

"Yeah, it smells good. I asked them to clean the place…twice" Sara nodded her head in agreement meeting her sister's eyes with a smile.

Tegan flashed her gummy smile in return "I'll bet. Did you tell them the renter had a severe case of OCD?"

"Something like that." Sara said as she wheeled her two luggage cases next to her sister's bags. "Ok, well, I'm going to put my stuff away and then we can get started downstairs. The equipment is all set up for us."

"Nooo" Tegan protested. "I need breakfast and you probably need coffee, right?" Sara had recently got into coffee in a big way and Tegan knew Sara couldn't resist the invitation. "I saw a coffee shop down the street. How 'bout I go get us something there and you can put your stuff away?"

"Don't you want to put your clothes away and get your room situated?" Sara asked.

"Sure but it'll take me two minutes and you probably need 2 hours" Tegan teased her with a smirk.

Sara laughed and said "Ok, we'll start when you get back."

The twins walked to the hallway and took a look at the rooms. On the ride in the cab, Sara had offered the bigger room to Tegan insisting that she take it. Tegan began to unpack her clothes while Sara shut the door to her smaller room and laid down on the bed on her back taking in a deep breath.

_Hmm it's creepy how well the morning is going. Me and Tegan getting along, laughing the whole way from the airport and now I get to spend a whole week alone with her? I wonder how many songs we'll write. I wonder if we'll fight at all. _And then Sara had the thoughts that she was ashamed of. _I wonder how many times Tegan will masturbate when she's here. How many times does she usually masturbate in a week? She probably had sex with Lindsey last night and this morning before she caught her flight._

Sara imagined that Tegan set her alarm an hour earlier so she could have sex with her girlfriend before the flight. It was certainly what she did with Emy before she took a trip or started a tour. Sara's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door and Tegan's voice "Ok, I'm going to the coffee shop. Be back in 20."

"Okay" Sara yelled towards the door. A few seconds later, Sara heard the front door slam and she lifted herself up off the bed to begin unpacking her clothes in the large dresser near her bed. As she reached the bottom of the first bag, she grabbed the purple vibrator she had carefully packed and started to put it towards the back of the top drawer behind her bras and underwear.

_She'll probably be gone for at least 15 minutes, right? If I'm quick, I can cum before she gets back._ Sara pondered this for a moment and decided she was too horny and unwilling to wait until bedtime to get off. She had been having intense thoughts and dreams about Tegan recently so her masturbation sessions usually only lasted a few minutes especially if she was using a vibrator.

Sara unbuttoned her jeans and got back on the bed. She was only a minute into thinking carnal thoughts about her sister and carefully massaging her swollen clit with the vibrator when she was interrupted by another knock at her door.

"Sara?" Tegan asked.

"Uh, yeah" Sara replied in a shaky voice turning off the vibrator. "You're back already?"_ Fuck! Hope she didn't hear the vibrator._

"No, the fucking credit card machine at the shop isn't working and I don't have any cash with me. Do you have any cash on you?" Tegan asked with a smile in her voice. Tegan had heard the vibrator as soon as she was a few steps from the door and she had stood there for a few seconds before knocking.

_Is she serious? Sara can't wait until tonight when she goes to bed to do that? _The older twin knew her sister was a very sexual creature but she couldn't believe that she leaves her alone for a few minutes and she's already having sex with herself.

"Yeah, hold on. I was just, uh, changing but let me get some cash." Sara quickly got up and went to her crumpled jeans on the ground and found a $20. She opened the door just a crack enough to pass the money though "Is a $20 enough?"

"Yeah, it should be plenty. Ok, see you in 20 minutes." Tegan grabbed the cash and smiled the whole to the coffee shop. In many banters, Tegan spoke about how her sister was like a horny teenaged boy and this morning was no exception. _Too bad I'll never be able to banter about this story._

_Oh my God. How embarrassing. She probably heard. She's gone for 5 minutes and I jerk off. _Sara was embarrassed and disgusted with herself. She cleaned the vibrator then put it back in the drawer along with the rest of her clothes.

Tegan came back with a large coffee for Sara and a tea and muffin for herself. They spent a few awkward minutes in the kitchen while Tegan finished her muffin and discussed the plans for their morning writing session in the downstairs studio.

About 3 hours later, the sisters came back up the stairs and the awkward talk was replaced with laughter as Tegan opened the door to the basement studio. Sara had been recounting an incident at a café in her native Montreal earlier that week and her older sister was laughing at what a weird but funny person her sister was. It had taken Tegan months to get over the fact that her sister moved 3,000 miles away from her but she understood that Sara needed to be her own person and she always had great tales about her time in Montreal.

"Ok, so how about I take a nap while you get groceries? Wake me up in an hour?" Tegan asked as she walked into her room. The plan was that Sara would pick up groceries and other essentials for their 5 day stay and in return, Tegan would cook dinner the first night.

Sara walked into the house quietly and saw her sister asleep on the couch. She unloaded the groceries then walked over to her sister taking a seat on the brown coffee table directly in front of the couch._ Aww, she looks so cute sleeping there. She's probably been asleep for nearly an hour and a half._ Sara marveled at how pretty Tegan was with her porcelain skin and sharp jawline debating whether to wake her up or let her sleep another few minutes.

She was quite happy to watch her sister and after a moment, the unwanted thoughts came to her again. Sara felt her clit throbbing immediately._ Her lips. Her lips look so soft and kissable. I'll bet she's a great kisser_. Tegan talked a lot in banters about making out and Sara guessed that she was pretty good at it.

_What if you just kissed her right now? A soft gentle kiss on her cheek then another on her lips. Mmm. God I'm getting wet thinking about it. If Tegan knew, she'd probably be so disgusted with me. She looks so peaceful sleeping. I wonder what she's dreaming about? Lindsey? Me?_

Sara leaned in closer so her face was only a few inches from Tegan then she ran her left hand through her older sister's hair. She gently rested her other hand on Tegan's stomach whispering her name. Her sister stirred and softly moaned but she didn't wake up. Sara continued to run her hand through her sister's chestnut locks. Tegan moaned again then opened her eyes to reveal her beautiful brown irises.

"Mmm, okay I'm up" Tegan sleepily mumbled as she placed her left hand on top of Sara's so they were both touching her belly. Tegan's face turned towards Sara and she stretched arching her back so that both of their hands on her stomach raised up a few inches. Sara quickly moved her left hand which had been mindlessly tousling her sister's hair. "Sorry. It looked like you were having a bad dream." "That's okay" Tegan said as she flashed Sara her gummy smile. The older twin had always been more comfortable with physical affection and welcomed her sister's touch.

"Do you need help unloading the groceries?" Tegan asked. "Nah, I already took care of it" Sara replied. Tegan stretched her tiny body again "Ok, I'll meet you down in the studio in a few minutes?"

"Sounds good!" Sara replied as she headed to the basement door.

The twins were in the basement studio for another 4 hours and decided to call it a day around 6pm. They had been working on 3 different songs that day and had nearly completed two of them. Sara was the first to emerge from the basement.

"Honestly, whatever you want to cook is fine with me." "So you have no preference? Chicken or the pasta?" Tegan asked as the closed the basement door behind her.

"Yeah, whatever you want. You're the one cooking." "Okay, I'm going to cook lemon chicken and the asparagus then." Tegan replied.

"Mmm, that sounds yummy. I'm going to take a shower while you start cooking. Let me know if you need any help" Sara said as she walked to her room.

"It smells really good, Tegan." Sara was reading a book on the couch while Tegan was busy finishing up cooking in the kitchen. The smells were beginning to permeate both the kitchen and the adjoining living room. "Are you sure you don't need any help?" "Nope. I got it. It'll be ready in 5 minutes" Tegan said as she got 2 plates out from the cupboards.

"Ok, I'll cook tomorrow" Sara said absentmindedly as she turned the page of her book. Although the tv was on, Sara had muted the volume and it was mostly silent save for the occasional clangs and noises from Tegan cooking and stirring the food in the pan. The twins had spent so much time alone together that silent moments like these were never uncomfortable. Sara read a few more pages of her book before Tegan announced that dinner was ready.

Tegan handed Sara a plate full of food then took a seat next to her on the couch. "What do you want to watch? You cooked tonight so it's your call." Sara said as she handed the remote control to Tegan.

"Is Dog on? Did you find it?" Tegan asked referring to her favorite show Dog The Bounty Hunter. This elicited a giggle from Sara who thought it was funny that her sister was thoroughly entertained by stupid shows like that and Laguna Beach. The more vapid and mindless the tv show, the more likely Tegan was interested in it.

"Nah, I looked for it but couldn't find it. Breakfast Club was just starting on one of the channels. We could watch that" Sara offered as she started stuffing her face with lemon chicken. "Mmm, this is really good. I'm so hungry. Thanks for cooking."

"You're welcome" Tegan replied with her gummy smile. "Thanks for inviting me here. I think we did a really good job today. Two songs pretty much done and that one song that sounds like a mid-90's power ballad is really coming along" Tegan said as she dug into her plate of food on her lap.

The sisters watched Breakfast Club and chatted away about their plans for the next day while eating dinner. When they were done with their food, Sara took her plate and Tegan's plate to the kitchen then started to wash dishes and clean up the mess Tegan had made from cooking.

"Thank you" Tegan yelled to her sister over the sound of the kitchen faucet running. "If mom saw how well we were getting along today, she'd be so proud" Tegan joked.

"Yeah, she would. She would probably check our temperatures and ask if we were feeling okay though" Sara giggled as she finished putting the last plate back into the cupboard. She walked from the kitchen into the living room then grabbed her book next to Tegan before sitting down on the couch across from her.

"Really?!" Tegan asked incredulously. "What?" Sara replied as she sat on her legs on the couch.

"Do I have cooties? Why are you sitting so far away?" Tegan said with a giggle.

"No. I didn't think I have to sit _right_ next to you. I mean c'mon, Tegan. Do you want to hold my hand while I read? Are we five years old?" Sara scoffed while opening up her book to the last page she was reading before dinner.

"No. This is exactly like you. We were getting along then you ruin it. I mean we were _just_ talking about how we are getting along and you ruin it." Tegan straightened her back turning a bit to face to twin.

"Oh my God! Way to exaggerate, Tegan. I took a seat on a different couch and you're like offended?"

"Yeah, a little" Tegan replied picking up the remote control and changing the station.

Sara went back to reading her book when Tegan started to turn the volume up really loud. Sara looked up from her book at her sister who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Really? I guess you are five years old" Sara said then got up from the couch to sit down so close to Tegan that their legs were touching.

"Is this better? Is this what you want?" Sara asked with an annoyed tone.

"Now who's the one exaggerating? Geez, I thought we could get along this week and be nice to each other. I'm sorry if my idea of that doesn't fit in with your's" Tegan softly said as she turned down the volume of the tv back to where it was before. Sara scooted over on the couch so that she was a foot away from Tegan then started to read again. The twins were mostly silent for the next hour with an occasional laugh from Tegan while she watched the tv.

When the movie ended, Tegan began to stretch her back and loudly moaned. "Hmm, I sure could use a massage right now" she said with mischief in her voice. Sara looked up from her book at her sister

"Really? You're going to be that obvious?" This elicited giggles from Tegan.

"Yes. I cooked dinner. You owe me. I'll give you a massage, too."

"Oh, no. I'm afraid that you'll hurt my back considering how mad you got over me sitting on a different couch from you" Sara chided her.

"Please?" Tegan begged her clasping her hands together for effect.

"Fine. Get on the floor" Sara pointed to the floor where she wanted Tegan to lay. Tegan laid down on the beige carpet then Sara straddled her slightly above her bum.

Sara put both hands on her sister's shoulders and started to massage them when she felt Tegan's bra straps.

"Do you want to take it off? Your bra is going to get in the way" Sara said.

"Um, just unhook it for me" Tegan instructed her little sister. Sara's hands went under Tegan's shirt then unhooked the bra clasp and she pushed the straps to the side. Sara brought her hands back to Tegan's shoulders then realized the top bra straps would still in the way for her to give a proper massage.

"Just take it off completely" Sara said. "Eww. Gross! I'm not going to take my shirt off" Tegan replied.

"I meant your bra, dummy. Just take your bra off. Leave your shirt on" Sara said with a jokingly annoyed tone. Tegan giggled then arched and twisted her body up enough that she was able to wriggle with both hands under her shirt to remove her lavender bra then set it next to her.

"Nice bra" Sara said with a smirk. Tegan lowered her body back down so that she was prone on the floor with her left cheek touching the carpet.

"Much better" Sara said as she climbed back on top of Tegan placing her hands on her lower back.

"Jesus! You're really tense" Sara exclaimed as she began working her way up Tegan's back.

"Ahhh, this feels so nice. I haven't had a massage in weeks" Tegan said as she sighed.

"Weeks?! I was going to ask how it was going with Lindsey but I guess that answers my question."

"Things are going good. I just don't ask for massages from her all the time. You know how some couples don't really do massages a lot? Well, I guess we're one of those couples that doesn't."

"But _we_ are?" Sara asked coyly. This made Tegan giggle causing Sara to smile to herself that she could make Tegan's body shake with laughter.

"Yes, we are! Like do it deeper towards my upper right part." Sara complied and began kneading her sister's right shoulder blade.

"Here? Is this where you want it?"

"That's what she said and yes" Tegan mumbled. "Oh, it hurts and feels good all at the same time." Sara relaxed the pressure she was using to massage her sister's back.

"Is it too much? Am I hurting you?"

"No, keep going. It doesn't hurt. Well, it's the good kind of pain. You're getting rid of a knot I have back there." Tegan assured her.

Sara got up on her knees then scooted down so that she was straddling Tegan right below her bum. The pair were silent for a few minutes as Sara massaged her lower back then slowly inched her way up her mid-back. The unwanted thoughts came to Sara: _This feels so good. I'm straddling Tegan and massaging her. _Sara flashed a knowing smile. _Such a couple thing to do. Giving each other massages. Well, except most couples use this as foreplay and are going to have sex after._

Calloused yet delicate hands marched up Tegan's back while Sara furrowed her brow lamenting that she and Tegan would not be having sex after the massage. _Still though. I'm straddling her. I mean my clit is touching her thigh. I'll move it right now and put my clit right on her bum and she won't even know what a turn on it is._

Sara again got on her knees then scooted up a bit then she sat back down directly on her sister's bum. "Ok, I'm almost done" she said as she placed both hands on Tegan's back just below her shoulder blades. Starting with her thumbs near Tegan's spine, Sara kneaded the tension out in powerful upward strokes until she got to her shoulders.

"Ahh, I don't want it to end. It feels so good. I could fall asleep so easy right now." Tegan mumbled.

"Well, don't! Stay awake. You owe me a massage" Sara replied.

"Yeah, tomorrow. I'll give you a massage tomorrow after you cook dinner" Tegan said with a dead serious tone.

"Uh, no! You said you'd give me-" Sara began to protest then Tegan interrupted with "Relax! I was only kidding. I'll give you a massage tonight." Sara got to the tops of Tegan's shoulders and began to use her thumbs to push out the tension in her sister's back.

When she was done she cheerfully announced "Okay! My turn now." Sara stood up then offered a hand to help her sister up from the floor. In a push up motion, Tegan lifted herself up from the floor then pointed to the carpet "Here. But I'm going to fuck your back up because you were a bitch and thought I had cooties."

"Tegan, I didn't think it was a big deal. If you're going to fuck up my back-" Sara started to say in the same dramatic tone that Tegan had used but she was interrupted again.

"I was kidding. I'm not going to fuck up your back. Lay down."

Sara laid down in nearly the same exact spot that her sister was in then Tegan straddled her with her crotch just above her bum. Both of Tegan's hands went up under Sara's shirt looking for her bra strap but her hands reached up to her shoulders and she felt nothing.

"I'm not wearing a bra" Sara mumbled.

"Slut" was Tegan's quick reply. This elicited a chuckle from Sara. Tegan placed both hands on Sara's back over her shirt and gently put pressure going from her lower back to her shoulder in a sweeping upward motion.

"Okay, where do you want it? Where does it hurt?" Tegan inquired.

"All over. And be hard. I kinda like the pain…just like you."

"Oh, you're a masochist, too?" Tegan playfully said.

The sisters were quiet for the next 2 minutes while Tegan began kneading her sister's back beginning from the lower half then reaching in between the shoulder blades. Tegan broke the silence "So, are you seeing anyone? Anyone you're interested in?"

Sara was silent then after a few seconds she lifted her face up from the carpet to reply "No and not really. I'm happy being by myself with my books and just writing and getting prepared for pre-production." This vague reply made Tegan laugh.

"Okaaay. Sounds like you're giving an answer to an interviewer. I'm your sister but okay if you want to be vague then go right ahead."

"Please don't be like mom and try to set me up with someone or criticize me for being single. It's really annoying" Sara curtly replied.

"Geez, if you don't want to talk about then we don't have to. Ya know, I rarely ask you about your dating life for this exact reason. You're such a mysterious bitch about it."

"Just keep massaging. The tops of my shoulders. Both sides. Hard" Sara mumbled barely lifting her right cheek off the carpet.

"Uh, we're almost done here. I've been massaging you for longer than you did me." Tegan told her.

Starting with her thumbs then her flat palms, Tegan kneaded on Sara's shoulders in an upward motion. The pair were silent again for another minute and Sara's mind began to drift. _She's so strong. I like her massages. Very deep and thorough. Her clit is like right on my lower back. I wonder if she's turned on at all._

Sara suddenly became aware of her throbbing clit_. I wonder if her clit is throbbing like mine. I mean she's straddling me and…I would love to just flip over and eat her out right now._ _Tegan sitting on my face. _Sara's clit began to throb even more making it feel as if she had a tiny beating heart in between her legs. Sara pictured her and a fully naked Tegan straddling her face with her hands on her bum.

"Okay! All done" Tegan announced then in one swift move she got up off her sister and fell back on the couch behind her. Sara got up and sat next to her on the couch then picked up her book and began to read again. The sisters were mostly quiet for the next 20 minutes while Sara read and Tegan watched tv. Tegan got up from the couch and cheerfully asked "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Uh, yeah, can you get me a water?" Sara said without even looking up from her book.

When Tegan returned a minute later she turned off the living room light leaving the tv and lamp next to Sara as the only light source in the room. She was carrying two water bottles one of which she handed to Sara then she took the blanket she carried under her arm and spread it out over her legs after she sat back down on the couch. Sara put down her book between them then grabbed the corner of the blanket and spread it so that it covered her legs, too.

"Did you want a blanket? I can get you one" Tegan sweetly offered.

"Oh, are you afraid I might have cooties? Don't want to share with me?" Sara teased her with a sly grin.

"No, I _know _you have cooties but I'll still share. That's how nice of a sister I am" Tegan said flashing a smile.

Sara picked up her book placing it on the coffee table and laid down on the couch with her head on Tegan's lap. Tegan was so happy with this display of physical affection her sister rarely offered and smiled to herself. Sara let out a big sigh.

"I'm sorry about earlier. Sometimes when we get along I do things to piss you off and push you away. I'm like afraid of the closeness."

"I know" Tegan softly replied as she began to run her fingers through her sister's hair. She was happy for her sister's confession and hopeful that Sara wouldn't be mad with her overtly physical gesture.

The room was silent for a minute save for the tv while Tegan kept stroking her sister's hair. Sara broke the silence "I'm so profoundly sad, Tegan."

Tegan let this confession sink in and after a beat or two she softly admitted "I know." She gently took Sara's bangs and tucked them behind her left ear then asked in a hushed tone "Why?" Sara took a deep breath before answering "I don't want to talk about it now."

Tegan nodded to herself and after a few seconds she offered "That's okay. You don't need to tell me now. When you're ready to talk about it though, I'll be here to listen to you."

"I know, Tegan. You're a good sister. I promise to tell you one day. Okay?" Sara softly asked her.

Tegan took the curly hair she had wrapped around her sister's ear then ever so gently tugged on it reassuring her "That's okay. Take your time. I'll be here whenever you're ready."

The sisters eventually dozed off in that position both under the blanket with Sara's head on Tegan's lap. It was Sara who woke up first and she had to whisper Tegan's name twice before she woke up.

"Tegan. Wake up. We fell asleep watching tv." Tegan opened her eyes and looked over at her sister who was already standing up and had her right hand outstretched offering her help up from the couch.

Tegan took Sara's hand in hers and Sara pulled her up off the couch. "It's like 1am. I'll set my alarm for 8am. Sound good?" Sara asked as they walked past the kitchen and into the hallway towards their bedrooms.

"Yeah. 8am is good. I'm going to go running in the morning then we can start in the basement around 9am. Sound good?" Tegan asked her in between a yawn as she got to the doorway of her room.

Sara stood in the doorjam to her bedroom then turned around to answer "Yeah, that sounds okay. Goodnight."

Tegan answered "Okay. Goodnight."

The older twin began to walk into her room and raising her voice just above a whisper she offered "I love you."

Sara smiled upon hearing this and let out a quiet laugh that even Tegan couldn't hear before offering back "I love you, too." Both sisters then quietly shut the doors to their bedrooms and padded a few more steps to their warm beds.


	2. NO Girl - Chapter 2 - Dreams

The music writing session in the morning went even better than expected. So far the sisters had completed 3 songs and were working on 2 more. Tegan was full of ideas and was learning to be patient with Sara who had a much slower process. They emerged from the basement at nearly 2pm and Tegan head out to the grocery store to pick up some items that they realized they needed and that Sara hadn't picked up the day before. Sara used the time alone to take a quick nap giving Tegan instructions to wake her up as soon as she got back. When Tegan returned, she unloaded the groceries then went to Sara's bedroom to wake her up.

Tegan tiptoed into the room then stood right next to the bed smiling as she watched Sara sleep. She wanted to leave her be and let her wake up on her own but was fearful that Sara would be upset and she didn't want to ruin the mostly good vibes the sisters had had the last 2 days. Very quietly, Tegan said Sara's name and when she didn't wake up, Tegan placed her hand on Sara's hand which was resting on her stomach. Tegan whispered her name again waking up Sara. "I'm back. You said to wake you."

Without thinking, Tegan put her other hand on Sara's forehead then started to stroke her hair. Sara looked down at Tegan's hand on her stomach then looked back at her sister.

"What the fuck? Stop touching me. I'm awake." Tegan removed both hands from her sister immediately.

"I'm sorry" she lied. "You…it looked like you were having a bad dream." Exaggerating her story so that her sister wouldn't be as upset, Tegan told her "You were like mumbling stuff and twitching."

This scared Sara and her heart started pounding. Sara had been dreaming that she was kissing Tegan and was afraid that she might have said something about it.

"Like what? What was I saying?"

"You weren't saying anything. It was just mumbles. No actual words" Tegan replied.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm up so let's get to work."

The pair returned to the basement studio til a little after 7pm then headed back up to the main part of the house for dinner. It was Sara's turn to cook but she wanted them to go to a nearby Indian restaurant she had spotted the day before.

"I'm okay with that. I guess you can just cook tomorrow then" Tegan said as she closed the door to the basement.

"Great! Do you want to take a cab or walk there?" Sara asked.

"Let's just walk. It's not that far and we can walk off the calories after dinner" Tegan said.

They arrived at the restaurant and were seated a few minutes later. After the sisters placed their order and the waiter left, they looked at each other and sighed. "It was a long day but we got a lot accomplished" Tegan said happily.

"Yeah" Sara replied absentmindedly. She was looking at the artwork on the wall and nervously thinking about what she was about to do. "Yeah. It was good."

The waiter brought their drinks to their table and both sisters immediately took sips of the tea they had ordered. The pair was silent while Tegan was looking at her phone and Sara kept looking at the artwork on the restaurant walls. She was doing everything she could not to look Tegan in the eyes.

A few minutes later, the waiter brought their curry dishes to the table. Tegan started to dig in while Sara kept taking sips of her tea. Tegan noticed this and asked "You're not hungry?"

"Uh, my stomach is kind of hurting me" Sara replied.

"Oh, that sucks. It's that bad, you can't even eat?"

"Um, Tegan, there is something I need to tell you but I'm not sure how" Sara said looking down at her plate of hot food.

"You're not really gay?" Tegan said with a smirk in between bites of food. This got no response from Sara and Tegan looked up from her food to see Sara looking down at the table.

"No. It's not that" Sara replied.

"You're pregnant?" Tegan joked. When this failed to get a laugh much less a glance in her direction, Tegan asked "What is it? What's going on?" Sara kept her eyes on the plate in front of her.

"It's something that I've been thinking about a lot recently but I'm nervous to tell you cuz I don't know how you're going to react. I don't want you to hate me." Sara finally looked up at Tegan and their eyes met.

"Sugar, spell it out. Just say it" Tegan pleaded.

Sara took a deep breath "Fine. A few weeks ago, I had a dream with you and then I started having thoughts about it which disturbed me." Tegan kept her eyes on Sara while Sara's eyes went back to the plate of food in front of her.

"What was the dream about? What thoughts did you have?" Tegan asked.

Sara scanned the restaurant and saw that nobody was within earshot so she turned her focus back to Tegan and said "It…it was a dream where we kissed."

"Oh" Tegan replied softly, averting her eyes from Sara immediately upon hearing this. "And what were the disturbing thoughts then?"

Sara nervously kept her eyes on Tegan knowing what she was about to say next as she wanted to gauge Tegan's reaction but was afraid their eyes would lock.

"I liked it. It felt good." Sara bluntly replied.

Tegan looked up upon hearing this and the sisters looked at each other for just a second before Tegan looked away again.

"Oh. Do you mean you liked the dream when it was happening or you liked it after when you were thinking about it?"

"Both" Sara was quick with her reply still keeping her gaze on her sister who was now the one averting her eyes.

"Oh" Tegan said again. Tegan was rarely at a loss for wheels so her near silence was alarming to Sara.

Just then the waiter came by the table and asked "How is everything tonight? Can I get you anything?"

"No, we're fine" Sara replied. Sara waited for him to walk away before she continued "I've had a few dreams since and, basically, I can't stop thinking about them. It's disturbing me and I have these unwanted thoughts. Today when you woke me up and said I was having a bad dream n talking in my sleep, I was afraid that I maybe said something about it. It's, like, really fucking up my thought process and life and I don't want you to hate me but I had to tell you." Sara felt a bit of relief wash over her after she admitted that but Tegan's continued silence was worrisome. Tegan was now the one looking at her plate avoiding her sister's gaze. "Do you hate me?" Sara asked.

"No. I don't hate you. I'm just a little…" Tegan trailed off.

"Disturbed?" Sara offered.

"I don't know if that's the right word" Tegan said. "I don't think this is the best place to discuss it though."

"I wanted to tell you in a public place so you wouldn't flip out. If you want to leave that's okay. I'm sorry I ruined your meal" Sara told her.

"You didn't ruin it. I'm just…I'm not hungry anymore. Can we go? I want to get out of here" Tegan asked.

"Sure. That's fine" Sara said as she turned to gesture to the waiter.

"Yes, what can I get you?" The waiter asked.

"Uh, can we get our meals boxed up and the check please?" Sara asked.

"Sure" the waiter said as he picked up both plates. "I'll be right back."

Tegan looked up at Sara and their eyes met again but Tegan quickly looked away. Both sisters were good at reading each other but Sara wasn't sure if Tegan was more uncomfortable by what she just revealed or that they were having this conversation in a crowded restaurant.

"I hope you don't hate me" Sara said.

"I don't hate you. I just want to leave" Tegan quickly replied.

"Okay. When he brings the check, we'll go back home" Sara said as she kept looking at Tegan trying to read her for any clues as to how she really felt. The sisters were silent avoiding each other's gaze until the waiter returned with the boxed food and the check which Sara paid for.

They started walking home in silence until Tegan broke it with a question "Why tell me?"

"Why did I tell you?" Sara asked clearly confused by the question.

"Yeah, why did you tell me? What's the point in me knowing?" Tegan asked looking at the ground in front of her.

Sara stammered out her answer "I, uh, I needed to tell you. It was eating away at me and fucking up my life and I needed to get it off my chest."

"Great! So now it can eat away at me and fuck up _my_ life?!" Tegan responded clearly incensed.

"It's not like that. I wasn't trying to fuck up your life by telling you. Who else was I supposed to tell? Mom? Joanne? No, so I told you."

"Well, now I can't even look you in the eyes. You shoulda just kept it to yourself." Tegan said staring at the sidewalk a few steps in front of her.

"I already tried that and it didn't work. I still kept thinking about it and it was making me uncomfortable n like awkward around you" Sara softly said as she looked over at Tegan who was walking right next to her.

"Who else did you tell?" Tegan turning towards Sara so that she could judge by her body language and eyes whether she was sincere in her answer.

"No one. Just you." Sara quickly replied. Tegan shook her head and kept walking just a little faster than Sara.

Tegan unlocked the door and walked in first heading to the kitchen with Sara a few steps behind her. Tegan opened the fridge to put her food from the restaurant in it then she called out to Sara who was already walking in her room.

"Sara! Don't you want to put your food in the fridge?" Without saying a word, Sara walked over to Tegan then handed off the boxed food which she put in the fridge.

"Do you want to watch tv? We can talk." Tegan offered but Sara was already walking back to her bedroom.

Sara scoffed "No!" then she quietly shut the bedroom door. Tegan walked over to the tv and turned it on then sat down on the couch but she kept replaying the last hour in her mind.

After a few minutes, there was a knock on Sara's door. Sara was sitting in bed with a book in her hand but she, too, was unable to stop replaying the last hour in her mind.

"Can we talk?" Tegan asked through the door. There was no reply from Sara who had put her book down and was staring at the door. Another knock at the door "Sara, can I come in?" Tegan asked.

"No!" Sara replied sternly.

"You owe it to me to talk to me. You can't just drop that bombshell at dinner then not expect me to talk about it."

"I'm opening the door" Tegan said with frustration in her voice.

"No! I don't want to talk" Sara replied again but it was too late as Tegan was opening the door while simultaneously knocking on it. Tegan walked into the room stopping at the foot of the bed to directly face Sara for her speech.

"I'm coming in. I'm sorry for how I reacted. I was just thinking how brave it was of you to tell me and I don't want to react like how I did when you came out."

"Oh, like when you and mom basically stopped talking to me for weeks and you looked at me with disgust and scorn? That reaction?" Sara said as she put her book down on the bed.

"It wasn't like that. That's not what happened" Tegan replied with shame as she looked down onto the bed.

"Actually, that _is_ what happened and very few people know that. Very few people know that's how you and mom treated me" Sara said as she looked at her sister who was walking over to the side of the bed she was sitting on.

"Look, can we talk? I think we should talk about this" Tegan pleaded.

"Fine. I'm listening" Sara said folding her arms in front of her.

"Scoot over" Tegan said as she gestured for Sara to move and climbed into bed with her. Tegan laid down on her side and Sara did the same so that they were facing each other.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I reacted. Do you forgive me?" Tegan was looking right into Sara's brown eyes.

"Yes, Tegan, I forgive you" Sara assured her causing Tegan to smile and a sense of relief washed over her.

"Good. Thank you. I think if Joanne was here that she would want us to talk about this, don't you?" Tegan asked as she toggled her view from her sister's eyes to her lips.

"Probably but I don't really know what to say. I already told you everything" Sara answered her honestly.

"I feel like this is your version of patroller camp and I want to ask you questions and talk to you and make the pain go away" Tegan said as she put her hand on Sara's left shoulder.

"What do you want to know?" Sara asked her older sister.

"Everything" was Tegan's soft reply. "First off, in the dream you had-" Sara interrupted her "Dreams. Plural."

"Ok, in the dreams you had, was I a good kisser?" Tegan asked as she gave a faint smile and looked for a matching one on her twin's face.

"This isn't like when we were kids and you could dress up like a clown to make everyone happy again" Sara said with a sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry. Ok, well, what happened in the dreams? Did we just kiss? Make out? More than make out? And be honest, I can take it" Tegan said as she shifted her hand from Sara's shoulder to just above her hip.

"We mostly made out and you felt me up in one dream" Sara said with a bit of shame.

"Ok, that's not too racy. And you felt bad because it felt good?" Tegan wanted to know.

"Yeah, it felt _really_ good and I felt awful that it felt good. I've been wanting to kiss you for weeks now so then I felt bad about _that _too" Sara looked at the wall behind Tegan unable to meet her sister's gaze confessing such intimate desires.

"Do you have a crush on me? Are you in love with me?" Tegan wondered. This made Sara chuckle. "What's so funny? I'm being serious. I'm trying to understand your situation" Tegan said as she moved her hand lower so that it was right on Sara's hip bone.

With a smile and looking right at her sister, Sara replied "I know. I know you are and I do appreciate it. I guess so. I guess I have a crush on you."

"Do you think if we kissed that it would make your thoughts go away?" Tegan asked.

"Maybe. It might make it worse though. I might be thinking about how much I like it and want to do more with you" Sara replied as she put her hand on Tegan's shoulder pulling her closer.

"Do you want to know the truth, Tegan?" she asked.

"Yeah" the older twin replied softly.

"I want to kiss you so badly right now." Tegan blushed then grinned at the admission.

"Fine. I think we should kiss then" Tegan was squeezing Sara's hip with her right hand hoping her suggestion would somehow be better received. "Let's make out for a few minutes and you can get it out of your system and realize what an awful kisser I am and then we can move on."

"You're messing with me right now" Sara looked away from Tegan's eyes shaking her head at the offer.

"No, I'm being serious. No one will know about this and you can get it out of your system. I don't see how things can get any more awkward between us. You've already confessed you're crushing on me and want to kiss me. What's the big deal if we make out for a minute or two?" Tegan asked nonchalantly.

Sara was silent as she scanned Tegan's face for a few seconds her head reeling from her proposal.

"Well? Are you going to kiss me?" Tegan wondered. Sara started to blush hard as she moved her focus from Tegan's eyes to her soft lips only inches from her own.

"Are you seriously going to make me make the first move?" Tegan asked with earnest incredulity as she brought her hips and body closer to her sister's. Tegan quickly gave Sara a peck on the lips then pulled back to look at her eyes for a reaction.

"That wasn't a kiss. That was a peck" Sara challenged her.

"Fine. Show me what we did in the dream" Tegan said with a serious look.

Sara's hand glided from Tegan's shoulder to her hips as she simultaneously leaned in to kiss her. Their lips crashed together and Sara took Tegan's upper lip in her mouth then deepened the kiss asking for entry with her tongue. Tegan opened her mouth and soon their tongues were massaging each other's. It was electric and both of their hearts started beating faster. Sara gently bit her sister's lower lip then tilted her head deepening the kiss again.

Tegan wrapped her arm around Sara's body pulling her in closer so that their hips and stomachs were touching. The pair continued the liplock for another minute until Sara broke the kiss. She looked into Tegan's eyes and felt like she was peering into her soul. She was so open and beautiful. A feeling of euphoria starting in her core radiated all over her body. Sara leaned in so that her mouth was right next to Tegan's ear and whispered "That felt so good."

Tegan responded by leaning in and kissing Sara immediately slipping her tongue into her mouth. They kissed again for another minute, tongues exploring each other's lips and mouth until it was Tegan this time who broke the kiss. She whispered into Sara's ear confessing "That was really nice. I'm so turned on right now."

Sara pulled her head back to look into her sister's eyes then she smiled. She kissed her on the cheek then sucked on her ear lobe whispering back "Me, too."

Tegan climbed on top of Sara straddling her then started to plant butterfly kisses on her cheeks, ears and neck. Sara put her hands on Tegan's thighs moving them up and around her bum. The pair started to make out again and Tegan placed her left hand on Sara's right breast genttly cupping and squeezing it. Tegan broke the kiss to lift up Sara's shirt then push down her bra exposing her nipple.

With a warm mouth and wet tongue, Tegan touched Sara's breast and nipple then she began sucking on it. Sara let out a small moan and brought up her hands on her sister's back tousling with her hair.

"That feels really good, Tegan. You're making me so wet" Sara softly said with one hand on the back of Tegan's neck bringing her face close to her lips then passionately kissing her. Tegan moaned as Sara slipped her tongue in her mouth and they continued massaging each other's tongues with deep, slow kisses.

Tegan broke the kiss to tenderly looking at Sara's lips then eyes. "We're going to have sex tonight, aren't we?" Tegan asked but it was more of a realization than a question. Sara took this as consent that they were going to continue and flipped them so that she was on top.

"What do you like? What turns you on?" Sara asked in between the butterfly kisses she placed on Tegan's cheeks and neck.

"I like dirty talk. Like when you said I was making you wet" Tegan whispered in her ear.

Sara whispered back "I wanna make you cum so bad" as she cupped Tegan's crotch making her gasp for air.

"Take off your shirt" the younger twin commanded. Tegan obliged and took off her shirt then Sara reached around hugging her and unclasping the bra strap. Once the bra was on the ground, she pushed Tegan back on the bed cupping both breasts then lowered her body taking a nipple in her mouth. Tegan moaned and placed both hands on her twin's bum then moved them up her back and pushing her upper body closer to her own. They began kissing again and Tegan softly bit Sara's bottom lip before sucking on it.

Tegan leaned in close so that her lips were touching Sara's ear and ordered "Take off your clothes." She rolled them over so that Sara was on her back again and helped her get her clothes off until she was completely naked. Tegan brought her right hand to Sara's dripping core and ran her fingers up and down her slick folds. She placed her thumb on her sensitive button then made circles causing Sara to moan and toss her head back. Tegan slipped a finger inside her sister and began kissing her neck.

"You're so wet, Sara. Will you touch yourself?" Tegan asked as she pulled out her finger. Sara looked at Tegan with confusion and Tegan leaned back down to whisper in her ear "Please? It turns me on. Will you touch yourself?"

Sara's hand drifted to her pussy as she began to run her fingers over her folds and throbbing clit. Tegan's jaw dropped as she watched her sister pleasure herself. She planted gentle kisses on her neck eventually reaching her ear where Tegan breathlessly admitted "That turns me on so much. Like you have no idea what that does to me." She began planting kisses on the other side of her neck eventually reaching her other ear. "Finger yourself"

Sara wasted no time moving her hand so that her middle finger was softly but deeply plunging inside herself. "Do you want me to use two fingers?" Tegan's jaw dropped even lower as she took in this erotic visual of Sara masturbating beneath her. Before she even received a response, Sara slipped another digit in.

"Mmm, yeah use two fingers. Oh, god that is so hot." Tegan didn't know how to react to all this. She wanted to do nothing but watch her sister finger herself but at the same time, she wanted to kiss her sister's breasts and lips. She settled on kissing nipples so she could admire the view of the self-pleasure she had requested.

"Does that feel good? Touching yourself?" she growled in between licks to one of Sara's nipples.

"Yeah, but it feels better when you touch me" Sara said as her fingers continued to pump into her warm walls. Tegan grabbed Sara's wrist pulling her hand away from her dripping center to bring it up to her face. Using both hands, she took Sara's hand and began to suck on the 2 fingers that she had been using a moment before.

"Mmm, you taste good." These words made Sara's stomach curl and entire body twitch.

"Oh my god." Sara knew that her sister was a sexual creature but finding out she had a kinky side was a pleasant surprise.

"Was that too much? Sorry I thought you liked dirty talk, too" Tegan offered her apology before placing a tender kiss on Sara's lips.

Sara tasted a bit of herself on Tegan's lips before gently flipping them again so she was on top.

"No, I love it. It was just unexpected is all. I didn't think you were that kinky." Sara honestly explained in between kisses to her twin's collarbones and shoulders.

"Well, then I have a lot of surprises for you."

"Oh really? Like what? What are you into? What gets you off?"

"For starters, I'm into trying new things, new positions, role play, you name it. And another thing is that I can come a lot and easily, too."

"Really?!" Sara was both turned on and intrigued by Tegan's admission. "Like you can cum a few times during sex? And easy? Like you can come from someone sucking on your tits?" Sara asked in between licks and sucks to Tegan's nipples.

"Uh, yes and no. Sometimes I can come a bunch of times in a sex session but no I've never come just from having my boobs sucked on. Close though. Jus' saying that if you want me to come really bad, it should be do-able."

"Mmm. I can't wait" Sara's hot tongue traced down to her sister's stomach circling around her belly button before inching its way back up her body to one of Tegan's ear. Sara nibbled on the earlobe before sucking it into her mouth and releasing a small moan. Wasting no time, one hand dropped to Tegan's core and Sara began to gently massage wet folds and a slick clit.

"Oh god, baby, you are so wet." Sara immediately blushed at her own use of such an endearment and Tegan, sensing the reason for the embarrassment, took Sara's face in her hands forcing their eyes to meet.

"Don't be embarrassed. I like those pet names." Without saying a word and without warning, Sara slipped 2 fingers inside Tegan. Sara watched with a grin as Tegan's eyes rolled into the back of her skull and she dug her head further into the pillow beneath her.

The fingers were exploring slick, hot walls poking and curling as lips roamed Tegan's top half planting kisses here and stopping to suck for a moment there. Sara realized the added pleasure her thumb could bring and quickly used it to make small circles around her twin's clit. Tegan was pooling into her hand and frantically grabbing Sara's back.

"Shit! I'm already close to coming."

"Yeah? Already?" Sara asked breathlessly as she continued her steady pace of pumping with 2 fingers and circling with her thumb.

"Remember what I said though. I come a lot n pretty easily."

Sara softly kissed Tegan's cheek then sucked on an earlobe before whispering "Ok, yeah you should come then. You said you have multiple orgasms so once you come, I'll make you come again." Tegan chuckled at Sara's bravado then pulled her head back so she could face her sister.

"Although this feels really good and what you're doing to me feels really good, there's no guarantee that I'll come multiple times or even at all. A lot of it is nerves so don't feel bad if I don't cum more than once tonight. You and this.." Tegan grabbed the hand giving her pleasure to emphasize her point "are bringing me more pleasure than you can imagine."

"Are you nervous now? Do I make you nervous?" Sara quizzed her with concern on her face.

"No, _you_ don't make me nervous but _we_ make me nervous. This situation." Sara nodded her head upon hearing Tegan's admission. She felt bad. She felt bad she had put her sister in this situation to begin with. Sara knew all too well how much the shame and guilt of incestuous feelings can eat away at a person and now Tegan would have to deal with it. Even worse now because both of them would have to deal with the aftermath of what they were currently doing.

Sara only had to deal with shame and guilt from thoughts but now it would stem from actions as well. Having sex, committing incest, exploring each other's bodies. However you wanted to describe the acts they were involved in, that wasn't at the forefront of either woman's mind at the moment. Getting Tegan to climax was priority number one.

"It's ok if you don't come. I won't feel bad and I hope you don't either. You're so wet though, baby, I think you're gonna come." Sara was switching up her speed so that she was pumping in and out of Tegan even faster and her thumb made even smaller circles on her clit. Sara sensed that the nervousness that Tegan copped to might have been holding her back from thoroughly enjoying herself and maybe even from climaxing. She knew that her sister's greatest worry about "this situation" they were in was that other people like their mum, Joanne or Lindsey might find out. And god forbid their friends, family, band members and the fans found out. She knew the words she could tell her sister to alleviate her concern and let her enjoy herself.

Sara kissed up and down Tegan's neck spending extra time on the thin skin below her ear. "Do you know what?" Tegan turned her neck giving Sara's lips easier access and her reply was more of a moan than a "Hmm?"

Sara cradled her jaw with one hand turning Tegan's face and waiting until her eyes opened and their eyes had locked before softly answering "It's okay that this feels good."

She quickly planted several kisses on Tegan's neck before whispering "No one else is here, Tegan. It's just me and you." Sara's two fingers pumped inside her a few more times before she curled them bring her sister to the edge. Pushing inside wet walls then dragging them out before pushing back up inside wet walls. Tegan's orgasm hit her mere seconds after hearing those words and she arched her back moaning into Sara's mouth.

"Oh! Oh yeah! Oh god, baby, that feels so good." Sara curled her fingers, gliding over slick, warm walls as they contracted around her.

Once she knew that her climax was done, Sara slipped her fingers out of Tegan and softly touched her folds and swollen button for a few seconds before resting her hand on Tegan's stomach.

"That was so hot! _You _are so hot." Sara kissed Tegan's cheek nuzzling her face into her neck.

"That felt really good. Thank you." Tegan brought Sara's head closer to her kissing the top of her head. They laid there in each other's arms for a moment and listened as their breathing went back to normal.

Sara started to crawl back on top of Tegan placing kisses on her cheeks and neck. "What are you doing? It's my turn now." Tegan protested.

"You said you come a lot so I want to make you come again." Sara giggled hoping this would be enough for Tegan accept.

"Yeah, but it's still my turn to make you come." Tegan began to flip them so she was on top.

Placing butterfly kisses on her neck and collarbones, Tegan quizzed her little sister. "What do you like? What turns you on?"

"Anything you do makes me feel good." Sara replied as she wriggled underneath Tegan with a huge grin plastered to her face.


	3. NO Girl - Chapter 3 - Then Morning Came

Sara would feel bad for involving Tegan in her incestuous fantasies come to life but not tonight. Not tonight when she had Tegan on top of her kissing her neck and asking what her turn-ons are so she can make her come harder. Even though this was something she had fantasized about, Tegan's breath on her neck in between her kisses was hotter than any dream she had ever had. And the pleasurable buzzing feeling between her legs as warm hips and legs pressed against her own was better than any sex fantasy she had ever conjured. Consequences are for tomorrow.

"I like everything. I like dirty talk, too. Obviously" Sara said with a smirk. Tegan, whose tongue was currently swirling around one of Sara's erect nipples, gave it a quick kiss before looking up to catch Sara's eyes.

"Obviously" she deadpanned then with a glint in her eyes and a devilish grin she set about giving Sara's other nipple the same attention.

"And I hafta tell you that I can't come real easy like you or multiple times. That's only happened a few times." Sara was embarrassed about this and kept her focus steady on Tegan's forearm tattoos as one hand started to caress her stomach and the other palmed a mound above it.

"Sara, if you don't come, that's okay. I just want to make you feel good. This still feels good, right?" Tegan wondered in between a handful of breast and a mouthful of skin above her bellybutton.

"Oh my god, Tegan, you have no idea how good this feels right now."

Tegan flashed a grin pressing her lips in the middle of Sara's stomach before joking "Actually, I _just came_ like two minutes ago so I think I have a _pretty good_ idea how good it feels." Sara smiled for a few seconds before it faded away and she looked straight into Tegan's beautiful brown eyes while one of Tegan's hands trailed up Sara's thigh.

"I want you to kiss me. The way you kiss feels so new. I want to get used to it." Using one hand at the back of her neck, Sara brought Tegan's lips to her own and Tegan sucked on Sara's lower lip before forcefully inserting her tongue in a general exploration of her mouth. Sara moaned appreciatively into her sister's mouth and further nestled her stomach and hips under a wet center and snug warm thighs. Tongues and lips curled and twisted gauging each other's reactions to see what brought sounds or adjustments to hips and legs.

After a few minutes into said exploration, Tegan dismounted Sara placing her right hand on her stomach and curling the front of her body into Sara's side so their heads were level. She lightly traced her pointer and middle fingers down her stomach and after another moment, fingers were gliding over soft curls and down wet folds causing Sara to gasp and press her head back into her pillow.

Tegan slid both fingers up and down her lips several times eventually dropping her fingers down to Sara's entrance and gliding them around in teasing circles. She pressed her two fingers using just enough pressure to enter a centimeter inside before pulling out and bringing her fingers back up to open the wet slit exposing Sara's sensitive button and glistening lips to the slightly chilly air in the room.

Using three fingers now, Tegan touched, spread and otherwise massaged Sara's folds saving her thumb for small circles the speed of which she alternated depending on the moans it elicited. Sara's core was pulsing and every time Tegan gathered wetness at her entrance then applied it to tingly lips, Sara only got wetter supplying Tegan with more fluid to gather for the next time.

This same patient and gentle attention to pleasure giving continued until Tegan, using her pointer and middle fingers, started making circles around Sara's entrance and gently kissed her on the top of her right shoulder leaving her lips there longer than she had originally intended. Tegan again kissed Sara in that same spot on her shoulder hoping it might brace her from any pain while she suddenly plunged both fingers inside of her and watched as Sara moaned and threw her head back again.

Tegan continued pumping two fingers inside of her twin turning to look at Sara whose eyes were closed. "Is this okay? Does this feel good?"

"Oh, god! Tegan, it feels so good" Sara used both hands to grab at Tegan's hand and she splayed her legs draping one on the bed and the other over Tegan's thigh. Her left hand trailed up and down her twin's arm as Tegan's fingers continued pleasuring Sara's sensitive nub and hot walls for several minutes. There was no rush tonight and Tegan's hands were very purposeful and not at all frantic.

Her fingers' pace inside Sara was excruciatingly but somehow pleasingly slow. Tegan brought her thumb to Sara's entrance collecting fluid then brought it back up to soothe her swollen clit. Up, around and down. Up, around and down. Soft circles on her button continued as two fingers looked for a G spot or any spot on slick walls that made Sara's legs twitch.

Abruptly stopping the pleasure assault and mounting her, Tegan planted several kisses to the left side of Sara's neck accompanied by loud, playful smacking sounds. "If it stops feeling good, do you promise to tell me?" Tegan wondered as she held her sister's full attention.

Sara blushed hard at this, turning giggly and looking away towards the bunched up blanket near one of Tegan's knees. "Yes, I promise to tell you."

"You promise?" Tegan inquired doubtfully placing a soft kiss on Sara's smile once she received said smile and a nod of agreement. With hands near Sara's shoulder's, Tegan pressed up off her and slithered down until her face was a few inches from her glazed slit and Tegan's feet were dangling off the edge of the bed. Sara had her knees in the air and one foot on the bed with another towards the middle of her twin's back.

"Ok, you better." Tegan warned as she grabbed one of Sara's ankles at her side and began to kiss another set of lips. Tegan was a good and generous kisser no matter what lips or what part of her lover's skin she was kissing. She was animalistic and willing and soft and playful. Tegan hoped the swirls and curls her tongue made was bringing her baby sister close to the edge and every time Sara moaned, Tegan couldn't help but clutch harder at her ankle and press her tongue with more force against the swollen button and dripping folds in front of her.

She pushed her face away from Sara's center enough to growl "You taste so good. Like really good right now. And you are so wet, baby." Sara arched her back at the words, her scent growing heavy in the air. Her hands slipped through Tegan's hair and she dragged one foot up and down her back virtually hypnotized by the licks and kisses her core was receiving.

Circling her clit with her tongue, Tegan moved both hands to the bottom of her sister's bum where it was touching the sheets. She continued her tongue's assault on a wet slit while caressing Sara's inner thighs and bum with delicate hands, suddenly spreading her cheeks apart and pushing a stiff tongue into hot walls. Sara gasped and bit her lip but Tegan was relentless and continued tongue fucking Sara no matter how much her hips bucked about.

After a few more minutes, Tegan brought her tongue back up to circle a swollen bud while two familiar fingers plunged into Sara again. Tegan sped up her pace hearing moans get louder and hips buck against her face with greater force. She continued touching Sara's clit with her warm tongue. Up, around the top and back down then repeat. Sara was dripping from her center and Tegan would kiss nearby inner thighs only to refocus her attention back to wet folds and catching tangy fluids with her tongue. She sucked on her clit making a satisfied moan then tugged her head back and forth with Sara's swollen clit still inside her hot mouth.

"Tegan, come up here" Sara instructed as she pulled at Tegan's armpit raising her up on the bed. Tegan complied and lay perfectly atop her sister placing a gentle kiss on her lips. Sara tasted herself on Tegan's lips and it made her stomach curl yet another time tonight.

Even with regular lovers, things such as tasting yourself on your lover's lips are naughty and intimate but to do this with your sibling? That's truly naughty. One of the many secrets that Sara was still hiding from Tegan was exactly how much of a turn on this fact was. Sara liked the extra squirmy, taboo feeling that Tegan's lips, tongue and hands gave her but she knew her sister well enough to know that information like that needed to be disclosed in due time.

"Baby, you were getting so wet! Did that feel good? Tegan asked breathlessly placing kisses on Sara's neck.

"Oh! That felt amazing. You felt really good, Tegan" Sara took Tegan's head with both hands looking her in the eyes with a smile then placing a long kiss on her lips. "I'm not sure if I'm going to come though." Disappointment and frustration were etched on her face.

Tegan softly chuckled to herself kissing Sara's cheek "I told you. It's okay if you don't come. I just want to make you feel good. If you come, great but if you don't that's totally great, too." Tegan looked into Sara's eyes and they both started grinning. She brought up a hand to run through Sara's hair flashing a glint in her eye and an ever growing smile.

Tegan knew her sister was being held back from thoroughly enjoying the licks, sucks and caresses being meted out much like she herself had been only a half hour earlier. She knew Sara was upset at the entire situation and that she had involved her sibling. Her best friend. Unlike Tegan, Sara didn't worry about people finding out. She was a private person and Tegan knew that Sara would never reveal this to anyone. No, Sara cared about being judged by the only two people in the room.

This wasn't the only deep, dark secret the twins held and both feared this new one wouldn't be the last. No matter how much the twins tried and did their best to communicate with each other, so many truths and confessions buzzed just below the surface silent to the very ears and hearts that would ache to hear them.

"Hey, do know what?" Placing a gentle kiss on the tip of Sara's nose, Tegan leaned back to gaze into Sara's soft brown eyes unable to contain her smile. Her head dropped to Sara's ear where she brought her lips to whisper words she knew would bring her sister closer to the edge of her climax.

"It's okay that this feels good. No one here is judging you for liking it and it's okay to get off" More kisses were planted on Sara's shoulders as one of Tegan's hand's loitered on Sara's arm lazily doing figure eights before twisting a nipple between her thumb and pointer fingers.

"Kiss me on my neck and finger me" Sara instructed as she turned her neck away from Tegan, embarrassed at the depravity of her request and unable to allow their eyes to meet.

Her older twin wasted no time entering her with two fingers and kissing then nibbling on her neck occasionally stopping at her ear to suck on an earlobe before refocusing her warm mouth's attention to Sara's neck.

Tegan began to feel Sara pool into her hand and before she could exclaim how wet Sara was getting, her back arched and her walls began tightening and pulsing around still pumping fingers.

"Oh! Oh! Yeah, Tegan, keep going!" Sara begged as her hips bucked up off the mattress riding Tegan's fingers as waves of pleasure flowed through her body. "Oh god that feels so good!" Her orgasm ripped through her causing her body to involuntarily twist and twitch while two fingers kept a steady pace poking her warm, wet pussy.

Sara's core was beginning to get sensitive and after one too many thrusts of Tegan's fingers, she impulsively closed her legs on Tegan's hand then jerked her hips to the side. Tegan softly pulled her fingers out and reassured Sara after a few kisses to her cheek "Hey, it's okay. I stopped."

She lay back down on the bed so that the their bodies lay next to each other, her left hand searching for Sara's hand which she interlaced in hers once it was found. Tegan let out a loud sigh happy they had both gotten off but also happy they were both technically complicit in whatever they had just done. Since the wrong they had just committed was done together, it could never be used against one another and Tegan felt bad for even thinking such things as Sara was still collecting her breath beside her.

"That was fucking incredible, Tegan! I came for like a minute" Her body a limp mess, Sara had her head deep in the pillow with her eyes looking at the ceiling before turning to face Tegan and placing a soft kiss to her cheek. "Thank you."

"Did you like it? It felt good?" Tegan turned her body unlocking their hands to bring one hand to Sara's left cheek and the other stroking up and down her stomach to between her breasts never venturing to her nearby mounds.

"So good" Lips nuzzled down to softly press against Tegan's cheek again. "Can I go down on you?"

"If you go down on me right now, I'll come in about 20 seconds."

"Yeah?" Sara doubted as she inched her body down the bed and over her sister until her face was met with Tegan's glistening folds and engorged clit. Wasting no time she started sucking on Tegan's lips and flicking her tongue over her swollen bud. Tegan signaled her approval with a low moan and fingers running through Sara's hair then down her shoulders and back up to reclaim the brown locks with both hands.

"Baby, you taste so good!" Sara only momentarily let her lips leave Tegan's before she was sticking out her tongue and swinging it back and forth across her clit. She raised a hand to Tegan's entrance and fingered her with one digit as her tongue just above switched its movements to tiny circles. Tegan could smell the scent of her own sex in the air and her twin's caresses to her center sent her to the edge.

"Sara! I'm gonna come!" Sara sped up the speed of the circles and curled her finger for maximum effect on her sister causing Tegan's toes to curl.

"Oh, Sara! You feel so good" Pleasure sparks starting from her core spread out to her body leaving her gasping for air and clutching Sara's back and shoulders. "Oh! Don't stop, baby!"

Feeling her sister writhe about and hearing her pant and moan made Sara momentarily and ironically jealous of all of Tegan's former girlfriends who saw that raw, primal side of her every day. When Sara had a girlfriend, they made love everyday they were together unless the end of the relationship was near. Sara was positive that she would make love to Tegan everyday if she could and she bit her lip wondering whether they would explore each other's bodies again in the morning after waking up in each other's arms.

Once she knew that her orgasm was over, Sara slipped out her finger and hastily crawled up to plant a kiss on Tegan's lips before sliding back off her where they lay back on the bed, two sweaty bodies side by side. Tegan put her arm around Sara's neck planting a tender kiss on the top of her head causing Sara to nuzzle her face against her neck.

"That felt..._way better_ than I thought was possible. Sara?" Tegan pulled her head back waiting until her sister's gaze met her own. "I mean it. That was like the best ever." She flashed a gummy smile leaning in for a kiss that she deepened until their tongues met briefly before breaking the kiss.

Sara's heart stopped beating for a moment while her eyes toggled back and forth between Tegan's brown irises and plump lips. "That was really nice." Sara agreed with a gentle press of lips against her cheek. Tegan started to get up off the bed and look for footing on nearby carpeting.

"Where are you going?" Sara wondered breathlessly.

"To the bathroom. I always pee after sex." Tegan said with a light giggle as she hurried to the bathroom inside Sara's room. Before she shut the door, she left it open a crack to ask "Wait! Where did you think I was going?"

"I didn't know. I thought you were maybe going back to your bedroom and I thought you know after this" Sara gestured to the spot on the bed sheets where they had been touching each other only moments earlier.

"I don't know. I thought we were going to cuddle and sleep in each other's arms, you know… after that." In case she had previously been unclear, Sara again gestured to the spot on the bed where they had been intimate.

"You want to cuddle?!" Tegan did not attempt to contain her giddiness at the possibility.

"Yeah" Sara said softly looking away as soon as their eyes met and grabbing onto the bed pulling the sheets and blankets up around her naked body.

"Okay! I'll be right back." Tegan closed the bathroom door and Sara fell back onto the bed with open eyes and a wide grin facing the ceiling.

Within a moment, Tegan's warm body was back under the covers, their bodies interlocked. Tegan kissed Sara's neck then dropped her head so it was resting on her chest and let out a big sigh. Sara kissed the top of Tegan's head and they both stayed in that position for a few minutes when Sara cleared her throat.

"So what happens tomorrow? Can we do this again tomorrow? We definitely need to talk about things…again, you know, especially now after…"

Tegan lifted her cheek enough off Sara's chest to state "I don't want to talk about it tonight. Let's not ruin this, we can always talk about it tomorrow."

"Okay. You're right. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Hey? Tegan?" It was Sara's turn to wait until her twin looked up at her and their eyes met.

"I love you" Sara smiled even before getting the words out and her eyes closed even before their lips crashed together for a goodnight kiss.

"I love you, too. Good night." Tegan laid her head back down on Sara's chest giving nearby flesh a kiss once she felt Sara plant another kiss atop her head.

Sara awoke to Tegan's familiar cell phone ring and saw a note next to her head grabbing it as she got out of bed in search of the noisy phone. The rings led her to realize it was somewhere in the living room and she found it on the closest armrest on the couch. She turned the phone over to see it was read "Mum" on the screen and hit the accept call button as a smile spread across her face. Both Tegan and Sara had spoken with their mum their first day in New Orleans but it only briefly as they learned both their cell phones had spotty reception inside the rented house.

"Hi mum! How are you?" Sara cheerfully wondered and she rested her bum against the same armrest the phone was found on. She turned the note around to read what her sister wrote:

Good morning! Went for a run. Be back in a bit.

T (Tobias)

Sara instantly recognized the joke from one of the twins' favorite tv shows Arrested Development and smiled to herself. Her mum was speaking and may have asked her a question but she wasn't sure.

"Wait! What? I didn't catch what you just said."

"I said that it's day three and you two all already sleeping in? You're not going to write many songs being sleepyheads like that." Sonia playfully chastised her youngest daughter.

"Relax, mum! We've already finished 3 songs and we, we pretty much have 4 songs done and are working on 2 more so don't call us lazy sleepyheads. I guess Tegan went for a run cuz she left a note for me and I've been up for a while now" Sara lied while absentmindedly waving around Tegan's note near her thigh.

"Oh, Sara! I'm just teasing. I know you two are working hard and doing good things out there." Sara's eyes widened at her mother's comment and she tilted her head in an exaggerated reaction to the irony.

They spoke for several minutes before Sonia said she had to take another call and to have Tegan call her later. The mother and daughter said their "I love you's" and "Goodbye's" then Sara head back to her room to take a shower.

Ten minutes later, the front door opened as Sara was just finishing getting dressed and she came out of her room to confront Tegan once she was done buttoning up her tight plaid shirt.

"Hey, what happened to you? You just left in the morning?" Sara quizzed Tegan who was sweaty and reaching for a cold water from the fridge.

"No! I left a note. You didn't get my note?" Tegan shut the door of the fridge with more force than she wanted to and looked at Sara genuinely curious as to whether her note had gone unseen.

"Yes, I did get your note but…" Sara trailed off wishing she didn't have to articulate her exact reason for her questions. "I thought we were going to cuddle and wake up in each other's arms. I woke up this morning and you were gone." Unable to look her sister in the face after these words, Sara settled on the water bottle in her hand.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you said cuddle then _fall asleep_ in each other's arms…which we did. And I thought it would be okay to go running this morning. I kinda needed to go running, you know, just to think. But I honestly did _not_ hear you say that." She took a long chug on the water bottle, sweat still on the back of her neck and around her ears.

"It's okay." Sara said softly doing her best job to not seem upset. "Oh, mum called like 15, 20 minutes ago."

"Mum called?! What'd she say?!" Tegan questioned with panic in her voice.

"Nothing. We talked for a few minutes and she asked that you call her back. That's it."

"Well, what exactly were you talking about and where did you tell her I was?" Tegan was in no way calm in her line of questioning. Sara looked at her with incredulity shaking her head at her sister's paranoia.

"Jesus! Tegan, I just told you. We talked about the songs we've finished so far, she told me we shouldn't be lazy and we should write songs. Well, actually, that was the reverse order of the conversation. Anyway, she asked to speak with you n I said you had left a note on my bed that you were out for a run and I told her you'd call her when you get back so…here. Give her a call. She said she wants to talk to you." Sara had walked over to the table handing Tegan her cell phone.

"And Lindsey called. I saw a missed call from her number so you should probably call her, too." Sara poured a cup of coffee from the pot she had brewed while Tegan was out for her jog. Tegan's gaze went from her cell phone in hand to her sister who was carefully taking sips from her oversized, yellow coffee mug.

"You told mom I left you a note on your bed? Why did you even say that?" Tegan did her best to contain her frustration with her twin.

"Relax, Tegan! She didn't think anything of it or say anything when I said that. You're just being paranoid."

"You're probably right. It's just the way you worded it 'Tegan left me a note on my bed sheets' makes it sound, ya know, weird."

"That's not what I told her and she wouldn't have thought we spent the night together and you put the note on my bed. She would've thought that you woke up early, went into my room while I was still sleeping and left the note. Most of that is the truth anyway. You were in my room and left a note." Sara's tone was deliberate and slow as if explaining the punchline of a joke to someone who didn't get it right off the bat.

"I guess you're right. Okay, I'm going to take a quick shower then I'll be down there in like 10 minutes tops." Tegan started to walk to her room to get cleaned up when Sara's called out from behind.

"Wait! You said we were going to talk about it in the morning." Sara turned her full attention to Tegan as she did a 180 degree turn to face back to her twin.

"Now? You want to talk about it now? I meant tomorrow like _at some point tomorrow_ but like, Sara, I mean I think we should just work today, get through the day and do what we came to do this week then _tonight_ we can talk about it. Okay?" Tegan asked with a gummy smile hoping this might help win her case.

"Okay. But I want to let you know that I had a great time last night." Sara's face was void of humor, too scared at the reception her words would receive.

"I had a great time last night, too" Tegan kept her tone solemn as well possibly to match Sara's or possibly because of the confessional nature of the conversation.

"And I don't regret it either." Sara further qualified her feelings and although these words had a hint of bravado, it was wrapped up in intense vulnerability as her heart was secretly bracing itself for her sister's repentance at their night of passion.

"I don't regret it one bit either." The sisters both looked up at each other at these words and a conspiratorial grin appeared on their faces. "Look! Sara. Yes, we need to talk but I honestly don't think doing that _right now_ will help. What? We're going to talk then 'yeah let's go jam and write songs.' I mean that's just totally awkward. It's what, already 10:40am? How about I shower, we work through and just skip lunch, you cook us dinner tonight and then we talk? Sound good?" Tegan took another sip of her water and ran her fingers through her hair waiting for her sister's reply.

"Okay. That's fine." Sara said unenthusiastically between gulps of warm coffee.

"Are you sure? You don't sound happy." Tegan looked for Sara's reaction with genuine concern etched on her face.

"No. No, you're right. Let's get to work. Do what we came here to do then we talk about it tonight over dinner." The enthusiasm in Sara's voice grew and she seemed to be convincing herself that Tegan's plan of action for the day was the best one.

"Yep, over dinner…that you're cooking." Tegan mischievously looked up at Sara waiting again for her reaction with bated breath. Sara's unexpected giggle interrupted the sip of coffee she was about to take and she moved the cup a few inches from her lips before answering.

"Yes, genius, the dinner that I'll be cooking." The twins exchanged a knowing glance before they were both reduced to giggles. Tegan turned on her heel and started to walk to her room saying over her shoulder "Okay. Ten minutes tops I'll be downstairs."

"Aren't you going to call back mum? And Lindsey? I told mom you'd call her back when you got back." Sara called out. Tegan was already in the hallway when she yelled over her shoulder "Nah, I'll call them tonight after we record" before disappearing into her room leaving Sara alone in the kitchen sipping the mug with both hands.


	4. NO Girl Ch 4 - We're In This Together

The day's writing and recording session went as smoothly as the sister's morning had gone. Which is to say that reality didn't match expectation, communication was misinterpreted and one of them was left with hurt feelings. This afternoon though it was Tegan who was upset with how things ended as they marched up the basement stairs, both dragging their feet exhausted from the day and not having eaten yet. It was 5:20pm and they had been working in the basement for well over 6 hours straight.

Tegan had a much faster music process in general but in particular that day she moved too fast for Sara causing her to snap at Tegan for having no patience for her slower pace. Tegan also found the lyrics and music her twin came up with so quirky and different to her own and the few times she mentioned it, Sara became insulted quickly defending her music writing style.

Although they did finish a fourth song, they were unable to make any significant progress on the other two as every chord progression or back up vocal suggestion one twin made was rejected by the other. Several times during the day, Tegan and Sara's eyes locked and even though both would flash sly grins to each other, it always led to diverted glances and an awkward moment or two until their strongly felt opinions about the music caused the uncomfortable tension to pass.

Sara held the door of the basement open for Tegan then shut it close announcing "Ok, I'm going to start on the pasta so we'll probably eat around 6pm-ish. Ok?"

"That's fucking perfect! I am so hungry right now" Tegan spoke as she walked towards the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Tegan's actions had caused Sara to stop in her tracks as she waited for her sister's answer.

"Going to my room to call mum n Linds. Just call me when dinner is ready or if you need help" Getting near the door of her room, Tegan continued talking over her shoulder with more focus on the phone in her hand than the door and walls she was stepping towards.

"But we're still going to talk during dinner?" Sara wished to confirm.

"Yes, we're still going to talk during dinner. Let me know if you need any help, ok? I'll come out n help you." Tegan had stopped with one hand on the doorjam and one on her hip smiling sweetly before holding up her phone gesturing to it. "I'm sorry! I gotta call them back but didn't want to until we were done downstairs. Is that ok?"

"Go! Go call them! I'll let you know when dinner is ready" Sara was adamant and waved Tegan into her room.

Tegan called Lindsey first and she spoke with her while lounging on the bed until spotty cell phone reception forced her to stand on the bed close to the headboard and window where she could hear her girlfriend's voice more clearly.

"I mean. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm happy I came and even if nothing we write makes the album then that's okay because hey, at least we didn't kill each other."

"Yet." Lindsey joked.

"Yeah, yet. We haven't killed each other yet and hopefully we don't but no. And like even though our styles are totally different, we're respecting each other's processes n approaches to making the music." Tegan fudged the truth shutting her eyes momentarily as she thought to the handful of times that very afternoon when the sisters did not in fact respect each other's different processes.

_She has no idea. She has no idea I cheated on her last night. That I'm the world's shittiest girlfriend. Oh, she also has no idea she's with a fucking freak who sleeps with her sister. I mean if she ever finds out, it'll be worse news after bad news. 'You cheated on me?! With your sister?!'_ Tegan imagined Lindsey's face saying these words to her. It was distracting her from the call but, fortunately, she had the poor cell phone reception to blame for her scatterbrain. Lindsey was agreeing with her that she thought the trip to New Orleans was a major step in the sister's relationship regardless of the success of the songs they would write when Tegan abruptly cut her off.

"You know what, babe? I can barely hear you. Can I call you back tomorrow? Sara is almost done with dinner and I'll call you tomorrow when I come back from my run. Okay?" Tegan dropped to her knees on the bed then lay back down on it with legs and arms spread apart.

"Sure, babe! That's fine. We'll talk tomorrow. Call me after your run and tell Sara I say hello, ok? Love you, babe."

"I will tell her and I love you, too, baby. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Okay, bye." Tegan put down the phone staring up at the ceiling and flashing a grin happy that the first call her gone better than she had imagined and feared.

The next call was going to be harder to make. For some reason, Tegan believed that once her mom heard her voice, she would instantly recognize something was wrong. She loved her mom and told her everything so keeping this secret from her would be going against every instinct. Sara was private and kept many things from her mom but for Tegan? This was going to be a difficult and lifetime thing.

_A lifetime thing. Holy Christ! You're going to have to keep this a secret from her for the rest of her life. Well, and your life, too. This shit. No one can know about this shit like ever._ Tegan put the back of one hand over her eyes momentarily masking her face and contemplated how only 24 hours ago her life was radically different. A flash of resentment at Sara came to her mind for having put her in such a quandary but when Tegan pictured the moment last night when Sara came and cried out her name, she decided her sister truly was brave for telling her about her feelings and happy she said spoke up about them.

That didn't take away from the fact that no one can know about this shit ever. Tegan let out a heavy sigh slowly becoming aware that if no one else was going to know about this, it was going to be the two of them dealing with this alone. No help from mum. Obviously their dad or even Bruce couldn't be shoulders to cry on or sources of support and words of wisdom about the situation. Tegan decided she couldn't handle talking to her mom right then and trying to put on a happy or calm face for her. She'd avoid the nerve racking and possibly uncomfortable call now and would call her in the morning after she talked to Lindsey.

Even though having a talk with Sara was scary, Tegan figured at least it would be easier to deal with Sara than her mom since her and her sister were in this together. They had both been bad and done things the night before but it was their secret and they couldn't judge each other. Tegan left her phone on the bed and opened the door to help out Sara with getting dinner ready. She had a plan for tonight to make up for upsetting Sara in the morning and she was giddy to eat so her plan could be put in motion.

"Hey! It smells good. Do you need any help?" Tegan asked as she walked over to Sara to wash her hands at the kitchen sink. Spaghetti noodles were softening in boiling water and pasta sauce was barely simmering while Sara stood a few feet from the sink chopping celery. Tegan eyed 2 carrot sticks and gestured to them with her chin. "Are those for the salad?"

"Hey! Uh, yeah, you can help me chop them. There's a knife over there." Sara pointed to a larger knife than the one in her hand.

Using the knife and a nearby plate, Tegan began to peel the carrots clearing her throat in a loud, exaggerated way.

"Sooooo. Anything new going on in your life?" A sly smile crept upon Tegan's face but she kept her focus on the carrots in front of her. Sara chuckled putting down the knife to face her twin who was only 4 feet away.

"Very funny. Are you ready to talk? Is this your way of saying you want to talk now?"

"Yes, I'm ready to talk." Tegan had also put her knife down and turned to face Sara, a smile lighting up her face once their eyes locked. "And first off, I'm very sorry that you had to wait so long to talk to me. I know you really wanted to talk in the morning so I apologize for that."

"Apology accepted" Sara nodded her head with a faint smile adorning her face. "And I apologize to you for getting upset that you left this morning for your run. I just thought we were going to, ya know…" Sara trailed off looking and the sliced celery on the plate next to her.

"You thought we were going to cuddle and wake up in each other's arms."

"Yes. Yes, I admit that's what I wanted." For what seemed like the hundredth time the last 24 hours, Sara was physically unable to meet her sister's gaze and instead settled on her familiar forearm tattoos.

"I know. You already told me this morning and I blew it and I apologized. Bu-ut" Tegan sang out the word "I'm going to make it up to you. I have a surprise." Tegan winked at her then pointed behind Sara with her chin warning "Watch it! Your sauce is starting to boil."

"Oh shit! I completely forgot that I'm cooking." Bubbles were forming on the sauce and Sara quickly turned down the flames then stirred it for a few seconds. "So you have a surprise? What is it?"

"I can't tell you." Tegan wore a shit eating grin as she turned to begin slicing the carrots in thin slices. "It's a surprise for after dinner. You'll hafta wait until then."

"Tease!" Tegan laughed off the accusation popping a carrot slice into her mouth. "No, but look another thing I want to talk about n I think if Joanne were here she would tell us to talk about this-"

"Uh, if Joanne were here, she would've told us _no_t to do that" Tegan interrupted with an empty chuckle raising an arm and pointing her index finger towards Sara's bedroom where they had been intimate the night before.

"But that's not the point, Tegan. What's done is done and it's just spilled milk at this point. What I was saying was that if Joanne were here with us right now…after that" Sara gestured to her room with a nod of her head "I think she would tell us to talk about what happened n talk about how we feel. You agree, right? I mean you were the one who wanted to talk about things last night."

"No, I agree" Tegan looked down in embarrassment remembering that indeed just last night, she was the one trying to coax Sara into talking to her saying that she thought their therapist would agree. Sara saw the sauce needed stirring and was happy she could focus her gaze on that while she told Tegan how she felt.

"Part of the reason I wanted to wake up with you was because I thought maybe there was a chance we could be together again. And then when I saw you were gone, I was so sad. I mean last night was amazing but I just don't want that to be the only time we're together like that."

"I want us to be together like that again, too." Tegan softly whispered looking at the carrots in case Sara tried to look to her in the eyes. "At least once more"

"So, just one more time and that's it?" Sara questioned doing her best to mask her level of concern as she kept stirring the sauce.

"I don't know, Sara! I don't know!" In a moment of exasperation, Tegan threw her head back and brought both hands up to rub her face then temples. "You have to see where I'm coming from. I cheated on my girlfriend. Who I chased _for years_! I cheated on her last night and then I just lied to her right now."

"Lie? What lie did you tell her?"

"I didn't actually lie to her. I cheated on her. That's lying." Her head hanging in shame, Tegan pressed her lower back against the counter. "At least in my book."

"Oh, Tegan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for getting you involved in this." Sara padded a few steps over to Tegan putting a comforting hand on her shoulder so that they were nearly standing in front of each other. "If it's any comfort. She'll never know. I'll never tell anyone about last night."

"We'll know about last night. We know. And I was thinking when I talked to Lindsey how we'll know forever. I mean, we hafta keep this a secret forever. The rest of our lives. This is gonna suck" Tegan stared blankly ahead still coming to grips with the repercussions she was already dealing with after her clandestine night with her sister.

"Ya know, a few weeks ago when I started to have the dreams n thoughts, I thought that even if I could make them go away, I'd still hafta deal with having them in the first place. That would never go away, too. Even if you got in my bed last night and we just talked, we still would've had to deal with what I told you and how I'm feeling." Tegan hooked a finger around Sara's belt loop pulling her close until their hips pressed against each other.

"C'mere" she ordered Sara, sliding her hand from the belt loop across her stomach to rest on her hip. "I told you this morning: I don't regret what we did. I'm glad I got in your bed n what happened happened but it's just a lot to deal with. You don't have a girlfriend right now. I do. I'm the one who cheated. I mean you n I have to deal with the same thing now but I have the whole cheating thing on top of everything. It's just tough."

Sara hugged Tegan, their breasts touching each other while she whispered "I'm sorry, Tegan. I really am. Just tell me what to do to make this better."

"I need time to think. That's what you can do. Give me more time. I know I liked what we did last night and I know I want to do it again. But I also know I'm cheating on my girlfriend so I don't know what to do. I just, I just need more time."

Sara pulled back from the hug looking into Tegan's brown eyes reassuring her softly "Of course, I'll give you more time. That's okay." Sara wrapped one hand around her twin's waist pulling her closer to that their hips crashed together again with a devious grin growing across her face. "Maybe we could be like Franny and John but instead of one night, we have 5 days."

"Franny and John? From The Hotel New Hampshire? The book that _for years_ you talked about on stage saying the two incestuous siblings were inspiration for one of our albums? _That book_?" With each question, Tegan's exaggerated tone increased.

Sara guiltily nodded her head and her devious grin returned. "Yep. The very one. Tegan, it's kinda perfect: We can keep doing what we're doing n ya know writing music too n then we'll get it out of your system like they did in the book."

"I really don't want to make major life decisions based on what characters from a book did but that's not a bad idea. Maybe we-" Tegan's reply was interrupted by Sara as something in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

"Shit! Tegan! The sauce" The sauce had bubble all over its surface and the boiling water in the nearby pot of spaghetti was dangerously close to spilling over the edge. "Maybe we should worry about dinner n talk later."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll get the salad ready n you handle the pasta. Do we have any garlic bread?" Tegan walked towards the fridge to get the head of lettuce and salad dressing while her sister kept her hands busy over the stove.

"Wait! Hunter did or the guy did?" Sara asked Tegan in between bites as they sat on stools eating at the island in the kitchen. Tegan had been telling her the story of an encounter her friend had at a restaurant.

"No, the waiter said it. Can you believe it? All over Hunter asking if the dish was vegan. There's no reason to be a dick like that." Tegan's plate was nearly empty but she shrugged it off blaming it on having worked up an appetite from her run plus a total lack of food since the previous night.

"That's pretty bad. No reason to get hostile like that especially to a paying customer."

"Right?!" Tegan excitedly nodded her head in agreement. "This is really good by the way. I'm like scarfing it down. I'm almost done with my plate."

"Yeah, I can see" Sara deadpanned looked at the 2 noodles and bite of salad left on her sister's plate.

"Shut up! I didn't eat anything all day and I didn't have 7 cups of coffee like you did."

"I had 3 cups of coffee and besides I'm just teasing you. You've been running, burning calories so you're going to be hungry. Makes sense." Sara calmly defended her previous words before inserting a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth.

"You had 4 cups." Grabbing her nearly empty plate, Tegan walked to the sink scraping the remaining food into the trash can below then placing the plate at the bottom of the sink with a loud thud. She laughed turning around to face Sara who was about to take another bite of spaghetti.

"I had 4 cups" Sara agreed with a smirk causing a similar smile to spread to Tegan's face. Both were happily surprised by how the evening was going and though both feared that dinner would take on an uncomfortable tone, it was remarkably normal interactions between the two and possibly more upbeat than they usually were. Neither one knew whether that was the result of their recent months of intensive joint therapy or their rendezvous the night before but both were happy with the positive changes in their relationship.

"Ok, how about this? I do the dishes, clean up this mess blah blah blah. And you…take a nice hot shower after slaving away cooking dinner and then when you're out, I'll show you the surprise."

"Hmm, I was planning on taking a shower after dinner anyway so... Ok, that sounds good!" Sara was excited about the surprise her twin had for her and she didn't attempt to hide the smile it gave her.

Tegan finished the dishes then raced to her bedroom bringing back her blanket and 2 oversized pillows which she flung on the couch in the living room. She went back to the kitchen to get the wine bottle she had opened moments before and grabbed one wine glass from the cupboard. Her last touch was to dim the lights so low that the lights and colors from the tv almost made it seem as if there was a strobe light in the room.

Tegan poured a tall glass of wine setting it on the coffee table near the couch and tucked the wine bottle against the closest leg of the table. She sat with her legs on the couch, her back propped up against one armrest cushioned by the pillows and she spread the blanket around her body from her stomach down waiting for her sister to emerge from her bedroom.

Taking a sip of wine with one hand and flipping the channels on the tv with the other, Tegan saw that an episode of The Dog Whisperer was on and turned the volume up to a comfortable level. She heard Sara's door open and turned her body and neck behind her towards the hallway yelling out "Holy shit! Sara! The Dog Whisperer is on."

Sara emerged from the hallway wearing red sweatpants and a band tee, running her fingers through her wet fringe. "That's the surprise? That The Dog Whisperer is on?"

"No, silly, the surprise is this" Tegan held up the glass of wine in one hand then gestured to her lap with the other "…and this."

Sara stood at the couch next to Tegan accepting the wine glass being offered her before taking a big gulp. "Mmm, that's good." She held up the wine glass savoring the flavor left on her tongue.

"But I don't get the other surprise. Watching The Dog Whisperer with you and drinking wine? Is that the surprise?"

"No." Tegan chuckled grabbing at Sara's hand that was not holding the wine glass. "Put that down on the table, come get under the blanket with me n I'll explain the surprise." Tegan held up the blanket and spread her legs so her feet were on either side of the couch cushion. Sara attempted to put her knee between Tegan's presumably to lay down on top of her but she was stopped by her older twin.

"Ah, ah, ah! No, just like take a seat in front of me so we're both facing the tv." Tegan yanked down on her arm causing Sara's bum to drop in between her legs draping the blanket over both of their legs. Arms from behind encircled Sara's tummy pulling her bum closer to Tegan's core until there was no space between them.

"Jesus! You're pretty fixated on The Dog Whisperer. I thought that was my show."

"I told you. That's not the surprise." With arms still hugging Sara's waist, Tegan pulled her back again so that Sara's back was pressed against Tegan's breasts and her head rested on her right shoulder. She smiled at the body heat she was feeling on her chest and inner thighs and leaned over to softly press her lips on Sara's cheek whispering. "But I think you're gonna like it."

"The surprise is this" Releasing Sara from her grip, Tegan held out her hands up in front of them leaning her head into Sara so they were cheek to cheek admiring her hands. "My hands. My hands are gonna make you come right now. I'm going to touch you and make you so wet that it drips down my fingers and my knuckles are covered in your cream. That's your surprise."

"Sara?" Turning to face Tegan, Sara saw her sister grin then shut her eyes as she leaned over to kiss her. Sara moaned into the kiss trying to twist her body to face Tegan causing her to break the kiss and pull her head back.

"Ah, ah, ah! Stay where you are. No moving, that's part of the surprise. It's all you tonight. I want to find out what your body likes n what makes you come so you hafta tell me, ok?" Arms wrapped around Sara again to make sure she stayed seated as Tegan nuzzled her face into her neck and gave a quick kiss to her earlobe.

"I don't want to be touched at all tonight and all I ask is two things in return. Number one: You tell me what you like, ok? The only way I can do what gives you pleasure and what turns you on is if you tell me."

"And the second thing?" Sara let the weight of her head rest against Tegan's shoulder, a grin born of curiosity adorned her face as she waited for the answer.

"Be loud. It's kind of a turn on. Not like fake porno star screaming but you know…Just do whatever you did last night. Like you yelled out my name n it was so fucking hot. That's why I came so quick the second time, I was so turned on by that." Sara's fingers were tracing up and down Tegan's forearms which were resting in her lap above the blanket. "Really?"

"Oh my god, yeah! Such a turn on for me. So please show me what yours are." Tegan leaned towards Sara until her lips were touching her ear and instructed "Take off your bottoms."

Pressing her weight back against her sister's body, Sara reached under the blanket to slide off her sweatpants and underwater letting them fall off the couch to the carpet below. Tegan slithered down on the couch a bit so their upper bodies' were more horizontal enabling easier access to Sara's sensitive folds and pulsing clit.

"Much better. Ok, what do you like? Where do you want me to start?" Tegan wondered as her hands slipped under the blanket each one grabbing onto one of Sara's knees and spreading them apart.

"I like everything. I like being fingered n eaten out. Pretty basic stuff, Tegan."

"I was afraid of this. It's okay. I've got plan B. Fear not." Tegan brought her hand to Sara's pussy and lightly trailed her middle finger up and down her wet slit a few times. Using two fingers, she spread her lips apart gently stroking up the inside of one lip then down the inside of the lip on the other side. Tegan continued making these movements for a minute as the only sound in the room came from the tv. Using her middle finger, she dipped lower checking Sara's entrance to see how wet she was then brought the moisture back up to her now swollen clit.

"Oh my god!" Tegan exclaimed.

Momentarily stopped from enjoying the pleasure her sister was giving her, Sara's eyes opened and she rolled her head on Tegan's shoulder to see what the matter was.

"Baby, you are so fucking wet right now! You're like juicing." This embarrassed Sara who rolled her head again on Tegan's shoulder facing away from her and nuzzled her face into one of the pillows that surrounded the twin's upper bodies.

"Sara, no! Don't be embarrassed. Why are you embarrassed? We already shared last night together." Tegan placed a lingering kiss to Sara's neck while 3 fingers gently played with her wet folds.

"I know we did and I don't know why I get embarrassed but I do. I'm not surprised I'm that wet though. I was thinking about this in the shower." Sara's final tidbit sent Tegan over the moon and she pressed her lips against the corner of her sister's jaw.

"Oh yeah? Now we're getting somewhere. What were you thinking about?" Tegan wanted to know.

"Nothing. I mean I was just replaying last night in my head and hoping we did it again. I was hoping your surprise had to do with it."

"Well, you were right" Tegan spoke as her middle finger again inspected Sara's entrance only to find the fluid dripping down her leg and with a few sweeps of her palm, she brought the tangy goodness to wipe on her folds. "Yeah, you are so wet right now. You're totally gonna come hard tonight."

"I hope so but I might not. Don't be disappointed." Sara warned her.

"No, you're definitely coming tonight. You're super wet and I can tell you're loving this. If you came last night, we can get you to come again tonight." Tegan waited for Sara's protestations but they did not materialize and to soften the blow of her words she deadpanned "If worse comes to worse, we can always go get your vibrator to get the job done." With a feigned look of shock on her face, Tegan turned her to see her sister's reaction.

"You heard?" Sara sheepishly inquired. Tegan silently nodded her head with a grin.

"You couldn't wait? We had only gotten here like 5 minutes before and you're whipping out the vibrator? What were you thinking about_that_ morning?"

"You. What we did in the dreams. I don't know. What I wanted us to do."

"And what do you want us to do? What do you want me to do to you?" Tegan's whispered questions were met with silence by Sara, who was hiding her face against the pillow. Fingers that had been massaging her pussy suddenly disappeared and Tegan shifted her weight underneath so their bodies propped up a bit. "Here! Let's take a wine break" Tegan suggested as she grabbed the glass from the table and offered it to Sara.

Both took a few sips until Tegan refilled the glass and set it back down on the table. She nestled her body into the couch and slid their bodies back to the position they were in moments before. Her hand snaked under Sara's arm and the blanket back to its rightful place on her mound. Two fingers slid up and down Sara's slit a few times then glided up one lip and down the other until her movements and the sensations they caused to Sara's core became familiar.

"Do you like that or do you like this?" Tegan wondered as she pressed two fingers against Sara's engorged clit making clock-wise circles. Sara needed to think about this. Both felt good and both sent what felt like bolts of electricity down her spine much like Tegan's kisses did. However, she was so horny and worked up from her sister's caresses that she chose the one she thought would make her come quickest.

"The second one. The circles. Yeah." Sara's eyes were closed but one could still see from her furrowed brows that she was concentrating on something.

"Ok, now do you want them like or like this?" Starting with wide, slow circles then switching to tighter, quicker rotations, Tegan kept her fingers pressed against her button while the fingers of her other hand snaked up Sara's shirt to lightly scissor an erect nipple.

"The second one." Sara responded as soon as she felt the added pleasure erupting in her core from the faster movements. Upon hearing this, Tegan slightly sped up her circles and brought her hand on Sara's breast down underneath the blankets where two fingers traced circles around her wet entrance before plunging in. Sara brought her head back to rest on Tegan's shoulder and she splayed her legs against Tegan's so she would have better access to her warm pussy.

Keeping a steady pace, Tegan fingered her twin and continued making tight fast circles on her swollen nearby bud. She could feel her getting juicy around her fingers which were deep inside wet walls searching for any and all pleasure zones. Tegan marveled at how open and vulnerable Sara was and the sheer intimacy of the moment struck Tegan in ways she didn't think possible. She placed a gentle kiss on top of Sara's shoulder then slipped her fingers out and under her t shirt to hug her closer with one arm. Tegan's hand searched Sara's torso and stomach just as it had explored her walls a moment before. Her hand slowly glided across the flesh and tweaked her nipples one by one.

Sara brought her hand under her shirt and at first Tegan thought she just wanted to clasp her hand on top of her own but Sara grabbed a wrist bringing the hand back to her entrance. Tegan got the hint and inserted familiar fingers into Sara then sped up actions of both hands on her wet center. Sara immediately began pooling into Tegan's palm and sounds resembling soft moans left her lips. Sensing her sister might be close to her climax, Tegan finger fucked her as fast and deep as she could. Sounds from the friction of fingers inside slick walls and creamy knuckles slamming against folds filled the air and Tegan smiled to herself knowing how good this must feel to Sara.

"Do you hear that? You are so wet, baby!" Tegan excitedly whispered placing a gentle kiss on Sara's neck. Tegan felt Sara's body tense up and her walls started tightening around the two pumping fingers. She arched her back pressing extra weight against Tegan's front before panting breathlessly "Oh! Oh Tee Tee! Oh! Oh god!" Sara's orgasm had knocked the wind out of her and she rode Tegan's fingers filling the room with her beautiful moans and gasps for air.

When she knew she had finished climaxing, Tegan slipped her fingers out and played with her folds for a few seconds before quickly bringing up both arms to coil around Sara for a hug from behind.

"Tee Tee, huh? Where did that come from?" she teased her sister then quickly placed loud kisses to her cheek to let her know they were teasing questions. Sara let out a giggle then blushed but this time she nuzzled her face into the crook of Tegan's neck instead of away from her gaze.

"I don't know. It just came out."

"Well, I liked it. It was fucking hot" Tegan growled, her voice thick with lust. Sara's body was still buzzing and limp from the poking and massaging her center received and although she just wanted to cuddle with Tegan, her previously silent bladder was shouting at her for relief. Using one hand planted near Tegan's hip, Sara tried to lift herself up and over Tegan's thigh to get to solid ground. With her arms already wrapped around Sara's waist, Tegan tightened her grip forcing Sara's bum back down in between Tegan's inner thighs.

"Where do you think you're going, missy?" Tegan quizzed with a playful tone in her voice and a mischievous grin on her face.

"To the bathroom. Tegan, let me up!" Her giggly answer was sufficient for Tegan to release Sara from her clutches and she waited until Sara stood and started walking to the bathroom before quickly grabbing her closest hand.

"Hey! C'mere" Tegan instructed pulling her twin back down closer to where she lay on the couch. Their eyes locked and conspiratorial grins were carved into their faces while Sara knelt down to give Tegan a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Thank you. I really liked my surprise. It was better than I imagined in the shower." One more kiss was placed on Tegan's lips while Sara stood back up to find relief for her bladder. With one hand, Tegan slapped Sara's bum just before it was out of her reach. "Hurry up so we can cuddle and watch a movie! Or I'll start it without you."

"You better not!" Sara joked over her shoulder as she disappeared into the hallway.

Even though they had missed the first 20 minutes of the movie, the girls settled on watching Forrest Gump, a fond movie for both as they saw it in the theater along with Jeremy a few months after meeting him freshman year. They lay on the couch their lower bodies entwined under the blanket with Sara resting her head on Tegan's chest and Tegan propping the back of her head up against her bent arm on the pillow. For long stretches, the pair were silent and it was unclear to the twins if this was because the other twin was watching the movie or replaying the night in their mind. Of course, the girls talked over nearly half the movie excited to watch the memory-inducing classic and both girls had a slight buzz from the bottle of wine they shared.

A particularly dramatic scene in the movie caused Tegan's body to tense up, her breathing momentarily stopped before she consciously relaxed her body's muscles against Sara and the couch. What struck Sara as curious was the nature and dialogue in the scene that seemed to unnerve her twin.

The pair watched the tv as Lt. Dan violently assaults Forrest Gump in his hospital bed accusing him of forever changing his destiny. Being twins and identical twins to boot, destiny was a common topic and theme in their lives but the fact that they had ended up in a band roaming around the world with each other for two thirds of the year really made the scene hit home for both of them. In the early years, Sara had often accused Tegan of altering and on other occasions ruining her destiny making it a touchy subject.

As if the characters on the screen weren't relatable enough, both sisters saw the nearly identical position of Lt. Dan resting his head on Forrest's chest just as Sara was currently resting her head on Tegan's chest. Tegan had been resting her left hand on her stomach over the blanket when she slid it towards Sara's hand on her chest and interlaced them just below her breasts. They looked at each other briefly and acknowledged the grateful contact with sly grins before turning their attention back to the gripping scene.

Lt. Dan worries he'll be looked at as a legless freak and Sara noticed Tegan's body tense up again at the f word. Light and shadows danced across their faces as both directed their gaze towards the tv where the scene ends with Lt Dan chuckling to himself and wondering aloud twice "Look at me. What am I gonna do now? What am I gonna do now?" Sara noticed that right after those lines, Tegan let out an empty chuckle with a soft puff of air out her nostrils and she wondered if Tegan's reaction was one of empathy or sympathy. She did her best not to think about this the rest of the movie but when the credits began to roll, she realized she had failed miserably. At moments like this, she wished twin telepathy was true.

"Ok, c'mon. Let's go to bed" Sara lifted her head up off Tegan's chest and started to get up off the couch.

"No! No! No!" Tegan protested shutting her eyes at the thought of such an idea. "Five minutes, we'll watch the credits then we'll get up. I'm too warm and snuggly to get up" Tegan pressed her body against her sister pulling her closer with one arm.

"No, because we'll just fall asleep and I want to wake up in a nice, warm bed with you."

"Five minutes" Tegan repeated and Sara saw that her eyes were still closed.

"Fine. Five minutes." Sara acquiesced with a loud, defeated sigh. She rested her head on Tegan's chest again and nestled the rest of her body against her. Try as she might to stay awake, the pair drifted off to sleep, warm in each other's arms.

Nearly an hour later, Sara was whispering Tegan's name and tapping her fingers on her chest to rouse her. "We fell asleep on the couch again. Come on, let's go to bed. Don't you want to wake up in a warm bed next to me?" Sara coyly inquired.

Tegan lifted her legs with a groan and got up off the couch stepping aside so Sara could as well. Sara turned off the tv as Tegan stuffed both pillows under her arm then grabbed the blanket and turned around holding her other arm out searching for her twin's hand. Sara took her hand in hers leading the way to the hallway stopping a few feet before the doors to their bedrooms asking "Which room? Yours or mine?"

"Mine. My sheets are cleaner than yours" Tegan said with a yawn as she was led into her room by Sara.


	5. NO Girl - Chapter 5 - Change Positions

Tegan shifting in her sleep rustled the sheets and blanket just enough to wake Sara from her slumber and she quickly looked next to her to make sure Tegan was still there in the morning. Her sister was currently in a fetal position with her back to her resting her bent ear on the pillow. Though she didn't technically wake up in her arms, Sara was more than happy to be sharing a bed with Tegan. She propped herself a bit on her pillow and focused her attention on her older twin's sleeping form next to her

_This is crazy! I'm in Tegan's fucking bed right now. Shit! I wonder how long this is going to last._ Sara suddenly remembered suggesting to Tegan the night before that maybe they could be like Franny and John, the main characters in her most favorite novel of all time. The characters only had one day of fucking to get it out of their system and although Tegan seemed to want this to continue at least while they were in New Orleans, Sara wasn't sure about how she felt about their relationship continuing beyond their short stay in the city.

Sara was quite confident they'd have more sex as soon as Tegan woke up and even though she was pretty sure they might have sex once more before they left New Orleans, she wanted more than just sex with her. Sara wanted a relationship with Tegan. She knew, of course, that their relationship would always be illicit and forced to remain hidden but she was okay with that. Their love couldn't change thousands of years of societal ideas and taboos overnight but that's not something she desired either.

Sara knew that Tegan couldn't be her girlfriend and they could never be open about their intimacies. Even if Tegan loved her back the same way, they could never share their love for each other with the public or anyone really. Sara was okay with that and fully aware of the limitations of a romantic relationship between them. She just wanted Tegan to love her back and for both of them to be open about their feelings for each other.

In the last few weeks, she had been reliving so many past emotions and forgotten desires that she felt as if a dusty trunk full of memories had been found in the attic of her brain. Sometimes it was nice to take a stroll down memory lane but other times, the heartache attached to the memory was too difficult to bear. Sara chose to walk down the safe path this morning. Instead of staring at Tegan and potentially letting her mind dredge up fights, tears and one particular flight to Montreal, she snaked her arm around Tegan's warm waist placing a gentle kiss at the top of her spine.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Sara offered in a hushed but cheerful tone. Tegan groaned and instinctively clasped a hand onto Sara's hand which was dangling in front of her belly.

"Mmm, good morning." Tegan's voice was laden with drowsiness and Sara momentarily felt bad for waking up her sister instead of having to deal with the thoughts in her head. This remorse would fade away rather quickly though when Tegan turned to face her and nuzzled her face into the crook of Sara's neck. Tegan's next words were muffled as she spoke against Sara's flesh. "It's too early to get up. Let's go back to bed."

Sara giggled wrapping an arm around Tegan's back bringing her closer for the kiss she planted on the top of her head. "We _are_ in bed." Tegan didn't need to have her eyes open to tell from the coy tone of Sara's response that she was sporting a devilish grin. Without moving a muscle and staying curled against her twin's body, she mumbled "I meant sleep. Let's go back to sleep for just a little bit more."

"Oh, like let's get up in 5 minutes? We won't fall asleep on the couch." Sara did her best dramatic impression of Tegan uttering a similar promise the night before and was rewarded with puffs of air on her chest and feeling her sister shake with laughter.

"I lied." Tegan retorted with laughter that only got louder as Sara mounted her and put both hands on Tegan's shoulders playfully shaking them. "You what?! You lied?!"

"Yeah I lied. I was hoping one of us, you probably, was going to stay awake but yeah I figured we'd fall asleep on the couch again" A smirk adorned Tegan's face and her gaze toggled back and forth between twin's eyes and lips as she confessed to her white lie.

"Oh, really? What else have you lied about?" As if Sara's flirtatious tone wasn't enough, she took Tegan's hands in hers interlacing them and pinning their hands to the bed next to Tegan's head. She was smiling when Sara asked the questions but it faded away leaving just a pensive look on her face and Tegan wondered if the silence filling the room was as unnerving to Sara as it was to her.

"Kiss me" Tegan impulsively challenged simultaneously bucking her hips up and against Sara's core.

"No. Talk to me" She was smiling but silently searching Tegan's eyes for an answer as to why her smile faded at her teasing questions.

"What do you want to talk to me about? What? I'm not lying about anything. Well, except just now and last night." Tegan went from shy to somewhat confident to joking all within a few sentences.

"Tegan, I'm just messing with you." Sara took their still clasped hands and playfully moved them in the air to the side of their bodies.

"No you're not" Tegan's confidence was growing and she was flirting with and challenging Sara all at once. Sara was unsure if she was totally joking or if there was a hint of truth and that Tegan felt she was calling her out on her lies. Fearing this conversation would turn ugly, Sara lightened it with some truth of her own.

Though she wanted to look at Tegan's tattoos when she told her, she made the gutsy and premeditated move to keep their brown eyes locked confessing "Ok, ok. Since I don't know how long this is going to last because you don't want to say just yet n I totally get that. That's totally fine but since I don't know how long, when it will end, I just want to do everything with you, Tegan. Like every position. In different places." Hoping her sexual requests would be better received with the dirty talk she knew her sister liked, she lowered her upper body so her lips were against Tegan's bent ear. "I wanna fuck you all over this house. In every room. I wanna make you come. Again and again."

"Where was this hellcat last night?" Tegan wondered as she dragged her hands up and down Sara's thighs.

"I think you might have brought her out in me." Puffs of air hit Tegan's ears and neck as Sara giggled above her in between planting kisses.

"Ok, lemme take a shower." Tegan gave Sara a light slap on the bum before attempting to get out from under her and out of her bed.

"No. You wouldn't let me leave last night so now it's my turn not to let you leave." Sara pushed down her knees keeping her older twin trapped between her legs playfully wriggling her pussy on Tegan's tummy.

"I let you leave. When you said you needed to go pee, I let you go." Tegan lit up remembering the incident differently and was quick to protest prompting Sara to sigh at her defeat. She was sitting up straddling Tegan and both hands were roaming Tegan's naked torso ending up at her breasts which she gently cupped and squeezed.

"True. Ok, but you didn't let me touch you last night and I want to touch you this morning so now I'll hafta make up for last night _and_ what I want to do to you right now." With every line to her older twin, Sara seemed to be growing more self-assured.

"What do you want to do to me this morning?" Tegan's blushing face wondered as she glided both hands up and over Sara's thighs to hold onto her bum.

Sara responded by dismounting Tegan and after a quick glance and sly grin in her direction, Sara slid her hand under the waistband of her boyshorts where she met unbelievable wetness. "Oh, god, you're so wet, baby! It's just like all goo down there. Here. Let's get your underwear off." Sara started to get up on her knees to help Tegan undress but her sister quickly slid her underwear off herself dropping them off the bed to the carpet below.

Sara was naked kneeling beside her and she placed her right hand on Tegan's left knee pushing it out so her legs were splayed further. "I can smell you" Sara whispered seductively.

"Why would you say that? Now I definitely wanna take a shower." Tegan immediately began grabbing at the sheets near her ankle pulling them up to cover her face which was in a grimace from embarrassment.

"No! No, Tegan! I didn't mean it that way. It, uh, no, you smell really good. I love that smell. I can smell you're turned on and I love it." Sara defended her earlier words to the sheet covering her sister's face. Desperate to atone for her apparently offensive comment, she scoured her brain and it was not a coincidence that her mind went back to their night of intimacy the night before. A spark of mischief lit up in Sara's eyes followed by a knowing grin.

"Don't be embarrassed, Tegan! Why are you embarrassed, Tegan? We already shared last night together." Sara was on a roll doing Tegan impersonations this morning but the older twin did not find this one as humorous as the first one.

"Hah hah hah. Those are 2 entirely different things. I was asking you what turns you on _after_ we had already had sex the night before._You_ told me that my vag stinks." One of the hands holding up the sheets held out 2 fingers which she wagged in Sara's face pulling the sheets low enough to expose her mouth "Two different things." Her eyes remained closed as the material quickly recovered her head to conceal her embarrassment.

"Tee, look at me." Sara pulled down the material to just below Tegan's chin and their eyes locked but only Sara was sporting a smile. "You smell really good and you taste really good. I kissed you after I went down on you so you've tasted yourself n I know you know you taste good. Don't pretend you don't know it."

Her answer seemed genuine enough for Tegan to forgive her with her eyes and the hint of smile appeared on her face. Sara placed a chaste kiss on Tegan's smile then turned her mouth's attention to her neck kissing up her neck a few times until she reached right below her ear where she whispered "I'm going to lick your pussy and fuck you with my tongue until you come in my mouth. And then guess what I'm going to do you after that?"

"Hmm" Tegan had her eyes closed and jaw dropped as kisses up and down her neck and collarbones left her clit throbbing for her sister's caresses to reach her core.

"I'm going to lick you clean. And then I'm going to kiss you with my tongue so you can see how good you taste." Sara growled sexily, and she was definitely asserting herself as master of this particular sex session between the sisters. Sara grabbed at the material silently asking if it was okay to remove again which she did. She lay on her back on the bed placing two pillows near her head

"Put your knees on the pillows and put your pussy on my mouth" Sara didn't feel as self-conscious barking these orders and sexual commands to Tegan partly because she had already been intimate with her a few times but also because Tegan wasn't looking her in the eyes. She was changing her position on the bed from laying down to straddling Sara's face in a matter of seconds.

Sara gave a few flicks of her tongue to Tegan's clit then touched it with her soft lips and warm tongue. Tegan had ridden girl's faces before and it was always enhanced pleasure compared to vanilla oral sex with the receiving partner on their back. Sara gave her clit a soft kiss making Tegan's legs shake then brought her tongue down to Tegan's entrance swirling it around in circles. She pulled away and slightly pushed Tegan's bum up a bit with her hands seeing that Tegan's wetness was all over her lips, the curve of her ass and down her legs.

"Baby, you taste so fucking good! And you're so wet! You're dripping everywhere" Sara excitedly said pulling back and lifting up?

"Is it ok? Do you want to stop?" Tegan worriedly asked partly for her sister's sake and partly for her impending orgasm's sake.

"Stop! Hell no! I wanna keep licking you. Do you like this position? Does it feel good?"

"Sooo good! I'm going to come in a minute." Tegan excitedly informed Sara who had returned to her earlier spot with her mouth directly under Tegan's sex. Reaching both hands up, she massaged Tegan's breasts and rolled the hard buds of her nipples between her fingers as her tongue licked up and down the inside of Tegan's folds. Back at her entrance, Sara found tangy fluid dripping down and licked it up releasing a satisfied moan louder than the soft whimpering moans coming from the body on top of her.

Bringing her hands down, Sara grabbed again at Tegan's bum pulling her core closer to the headboard. Using the flat of her tongue, Sara dragged her tongue from Tegan's entrance up to her engorged clit then sucked it in her mouth tugging her head side to side. Next came slow and sloppy kisses to swollen lips and a nearby button. At this point, Tegan was panting mess and her constant moans signaled her approval of whatever Sara was doing to her center.

Sara stuck out her tongue making it firm and sliding it down to Tegan's entrance inserting it up inside her hot walls. Tegan's hips bucked against the mouth below her trying to get the tongue as deep inside her as possible. Everything about the experience felt incredible to Tegan. The position she was in sitting on Sara's face was so pleasurable and the extra access Sara's tongue seemed to have only served to intensify her enjoyment. Her center was directly on a hot mouth whose lips and tongue were curling and licking over every square inch of her pussy. A buzzing feeling starting where Sara's warm tongue met Tegan's wet walls grew through Tegan's body until she knew she was past the point of no return.

"I'm gonna come! Oh! Oh! Sara! Oh!" Tegan bucked her hips on her sister's lapping tongue grabbing onto the headboard and a pillow as her orgasm ripped through her. She was left limp with her legs stiff and nearly cramping because of the odd position she had been in the last few minutes. She fell to the side of Sara with her bum hitting the sheets a second before her back followed. A pillow was placed near the headboard and Sara gestured to it for her twin to lay her head there as she crawled on hands and knees bringing her face closer to where Tegan was settling her core.

"Lay back and relax. I'm going to lick you clean." Sara's left hand stroked Tegan's tummy as her tongue made half circles on the bottom rim of her entrance. The flat of her tongue swiped over the hole collecting tangy fluid that she brought back into her mouth to savor the taste releasing a soft moan. Sara's tongue flicked, curled and licked up her sister's slit collecting all her wetness until she reached her clit. Her tongue started to make circles around the sensitive button and suddenly one digit was penetrating Tegan's hot walls.

"Sara…" Tegan's tone was one of protest but one hand cupping the back of Sara's head and the slightest buck of her hips belied her true sentiments. Sara briefly stopped her mouth's caresses to her twin's pussy to pull back a few inches revealing a glistening chin and lips curled into a smirk.

"Tegan. It's a very thorough cleaning. Just lay back and relax. I'm almost done." The flat of her tongue dragged across Tegan's twitching clit before Sara sucked her lips clean one by one signaling she was done licking her sister clean with a moan and loud smacking of lips. "Ok, you're clean now. You probably don't even need a shower after that cleaning but go ahead if you want to." A smiling Sara was slithering up the bed mounting her older twin to place a gentle kiss on her lips she deepened as she tilted her head dipping her tongue into Tegan's mouth so she could taste herself.

"That felt so fucking good. And that position felt so good!" Tegan had broken the kiss and her smiling face was radiating with euphoria and exhaustion.

"Which one? On your back just now?"

"No. On your face" Tegan retorted with a chuckle and quick blush of her cheeks. Sara blushed, too, and only looked away from Tegan's eyes briefly before reconnecting their gaze.

"Oh, yeah, getting eaten out in that position always feels really good." Both girls were quiet for a moment while faint smiles grew as Sara's hands roamed Tegan's torso below her. "Well, I am desperate for coffee so I'm going to start a pot. Do you want to take a shower and we can head downstairs and start working?" Sara wondered as one hand's flat palm rested on her stomach and the other hand's fingers were lazily drawing figure eights on the skin below Tegan's left breast.

"No."

"No? No, you don't want to shower then start writing?" Puzzlement adorned Sara's face as Tegan's sudden serious tone made her wonder if she had done or said something to cause the change.

"No, I'm going to shower and you're going to start a pot of coffee _but _you're going to meet me in the shower so I can fuck you in there. C'mon. Let's go!" Tegan slapped Sara's bum and she lifted her legs gently pushing Sara off of her body. Tegan walked to her bathroom inside her room and turned on the water before yelling to the open door. "Hurry up, too! My hair is short so it's not going to take me long to shampoo and condition it."

"Ok, ok! I'm coming soon." Sara yelled back as she walked out of the room naked as the day she and her sister were born.

"That's what she said!" Tegan yelled back hoping her funny quote would be heard in the next room over. After adjusting the temperature to a hot but bearable level, Tegan hopped in letting the warm water soak her hair and wash away all the sweat from her morning of pleasure. She shampooed her hair then rubbed in conditioner letting it set in and soften her short, curly hair while she lathered up her body in soapy suds from her shoulders to her ankles. Tegan stepped back into the cascading water allowing the conditioner and soap suds to wash off from her hair and body down the metal drain.

Sara appeared at the frosted glass shower door and opened it just enough to squeeze her tiny frame through before turning her backside to Tegan and shutting it close. "Here." Sara accepted the shampoo bottle in Tegan's outstretched hand and stepped closer to her to get under the water stream. Tegan stepped aside letting Sara position herself directly under the falling water's path to build up a proper lather of shampoo suds in her short hair. Tegan was standing directly behind Sara with hands on either hip and she gently lifted herself up on the balls of her feet pressing her hips and crotch up against Sara's bum and playfully humping her twice.

"What are you doing? I'm still shampooing. You're two steps ahead of me."

"Two steps? Like one…two?" Tegan wondered as she humped Sara's bum again each time she said a number. Bending down enough to grab the bottle of conditioner from a knee-level shelf, Tegan offered the bottle to her sister who currently had her eyes closed letting the last bit of shampoo rinse down her hair to her glistening body. Sara opened her eyes wiping water from both eyes as she turned and stepped towards Tegan taking the conditioner bottle from her outstretched hand.

Sara poured conditioner into the palm of her left hand handing the bottle back to Tegan then rubbed the palms of both hands together before running them through her hair. Her back was facing Tegan again so she didn't see her put the bottle down and pick up the bar of soap. Sara felt a hand on her lower back and she jumped as the hand dipped down in between her crack gently rubbing up and down near her other entrance. Sara and all of her previous lovers never really did much ass play and she wasn't sure if this was a kink of her sister's that she was just now revealing to her. She was definitely intrigued.

"Hmm, are you giving me a thorough cleaning like I gave you one?" Sara's question was asked in a tone that was a mix of trepidation and flirtation. "Something like that" was Tegan's quite, coy response as she continued running her soapy hand from the top of Sara's crack down and around the curve of her ass to her pussy. Tegan grabbed Sara's left hand placing it on the wall near eye level and clasped her hand on top of it pressing it against the wall. Tegan's arm trailed across Sara's arm landing at her left shoulder which she gripped with one hand. One leg gently tapped the inside of each of Sara's calves as her body and other hand snaked around to place Sara's right hand on the wall as well.

"Am I being arrested, Officer?" Sara playfully asked turning her head to look at Tegan.

"Yes, you've been very bad n naughty so I'm going to hafta punish you. Spread your legs more" Tegan's leg tapped the inside of Sara's calves again and both of her hands were now resting on her hips. Sara had said she wanted lots of different sex and to be sexually adventurous with Tegan while their illicit affair was going on and Tegan had remembered a certain sexual act her first live-in girlfriend did on her that made her come like crazy. "Hey, if you don't like this, do you promise to let me know?"

"Yes, I'll tell you" Sara said with a sweet smile as she leaned into the kiss Tegan was asking for with her pursed lips and closed eyes.

"Ok, you better" Tegan got down on one bended knee snaking one hand through Sara's legs dragging it from her clit down her folds and past both entrances. The hand went back to her folds and massaged them before two digits were inserted into Sara's slick walls. Just as Sara was wondering why Tegan had been cleaning her backside, the fingers slipped out of her pussy and trailed to her other entrance circling around it in soft circles. Tegan was being soft and her touches and rubs to the sensitive skin sent tingly sensations to Sara's core. So far, she was enjoying the kink and let out a soft moan letting her older twin know she wanted her to continue.

Tegan grabbed as much of Sara's cheeks as she could spreading them and putting her face closer to the puckered skin of her entrance. Tegan flicked her tongue across the hole pulling back to see her hole tighten and another moan was released except this one was louder than the first one leaving Tegan no doubt her sister was receiving pleasure from this. Shifting her weight for better access, Tegan licked up and down Sara's other entrance spreading her cheeks apart for a moment before bringing one hand up to tease Sara's folds and clit. She pushed her tongue against her hole as she plunged two fingers inside Sara's pussy. After a few thrusts, Tegan's fingers and tongue hit magic pleasure spots and Sara was crying out to warn "Oh, Tegan! I'm gonna come soon."

With a slight groan, Tegan lifted herself off her knees and stood with her back to the shower wall directly in front of Sara tapping her thigh with a hand this time and gesturing to the nearby knee-level shelf "Here. Put your leg up here." Sara complied and Tegan quickly went back to fingering her with two digits as she kissed her neck remembering what got Sara off the first night they slept together.

"Oh, Tegan!" Sara moaned out as her body took in and let out air in heaving breaths and she looked at Tegan whose mouth had pulled back from Sara's neck to watch her come. She was not disappointed. Sara's mouth was agape and she was looking so lovingly into her sister's eyes right before her orgasm ripped through her that Tegan was moved by such tenderness amid the raunch. Eyes rolled into the back of her skull and she let her weight fall a bit against Tegan and a nearby shower wall. Lips returned to Sara's neck as fingers continued pumping into warm walls until the pulsing stopped and Tegan's fingers slipped out.

She spread toothpaste across the entire length of toothbrush bristles before brushing her teeth as her younger twin dried off behind her with one of her oversized towels. Watching her in the mirror, Tegan saw Sara wrap the towel around her body as she started walking out of Tegan's bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Tegan asked spitting a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink as she kept her gaze on Sara in the mirror.

"To my room. To get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're not going anywhere, missy." Tegan's tone was playful but insistent and she turned around leaning her bum against the sink counter.

"Tegan! We've already had sex twice this morning. I thought you wanted to work as much as possible in the short time we're here."

"What happened to Ms. I Want To Have Sex In Every Room Of This House n In Every Position?" Tegan teasing challenged mocking her twin's earlier words.

"I'm already kinda sore. Let's just wait til tonight" Sara suggested as she ran fingers through wet fringe.

"I'll be gentle. We'll both be gentle. I promise. Go to your room, get naked on the bed and wait for me there. I'll be over in a minute." Tegan put the toothbrush back in her mouth with the handle sticking out sealing her mouth shut around it with a sly grin. Sara padded a few steps towards her sister trying to place a kiss on her lips before she head back to her room to wait for Tegan.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! You can't kiss me yet. Where I was kissing you earlier… I need to completely clean my mouth before you can kiss me. Wait for me in your room and I'll kiss you all over then. I'll be there in two minutes." Her hand grabbed at the toothbrush handle as she turned back to face the sink and brush her teeth. Sara slapped Tegan's bum over her towel then she walked out of bathroom back to her bedroom, her face adorned with a lustful smirk.

Just as Tegan had requested, Sara was naked on her bed laying on her side and facing towards the door. Tegan was already smiling as she walked in through the wide open door and walked next to the bed close to her sister before placing a hand on her closest knee. "Where is it?" Tegan wanted to know.

"Where is what?"

"The vibrator. Where is it?" Tegan's eyes scanned the room wondering what dresser it might be hidden in.

"That one there. Top drawer towards the back." With her chin, Sara gestured to the dresser across Tegan. She went over to it and after fishing around clothes for a brief moment, her hand emerged with the purple vibrator before she hoisted it in the air assuring her again. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle."

Padding back over to where Sara lay on the bed, Tegan motioned as if she was going to lay down on top of Sara but her body's frame turned at the last second and she fell onto the bed with her face aimed towards her sister's pussy. Sara scooted her body back on the bed giving Tegan more room to lay her own body completely on the bed. They were facing each other with one twin's face in the other's crotch and it felt surreal to both of them to be so up-close to each other's core. Their initial reaction was to admire the beauty of the other's sex and a burning desire to shower sloppy kisses and more or less make out with a woman's most sensitive area.

A hand held down one of Sara's thighs to the bed while the other one grabbed on to a knee and spread her legs further apart so a red, wet center was staring Tegan in the face. Sara followed suit and spread Tegan's legs apart immediately lowering her mouth to her folds and licking up and down her clit a few times.

"You don't smell at all but you taste so good, baby!" No sooner did the compliment leave Sara's lips than her hot mouth returned its attention to Tegan's pussy sucking on her lips, licking inside her folds and kissing then circling her entrance with a wet tongue. Checking for herself, Tegan found out that although she couldn't discern any scent, Sara's pussy juice was delicious and she kept licking so quickly that Sara momentarily stopped her own mouth's caresses mesmerized by the pleasure her sister was giving her.

"Tell me before you come. I wanna try to come at the same time as you" Sara instructed before wrapping an arm around Tegan's thigh and butt and dragging the flat of her tongue of her entire slit collecting her tangy wetness along the way. "Ok" Tegan agreed to give her a warning and they both went back to spreading each other's folds apart, exposing swollen buds and massaging red, skin with lips and tongues. One twin would speed up causing the other to moan and speed up their own mouth's actions which would in turn make the other moan and speed up. It was an endless pleasure cycle and both felt they were learning what the other one liked and what made them moan loudly. Tegan felt her climax approaching and pulled her face back an inch or two to warn breathlessly "I'm gonna come soon, baby." A satisfied moan left Sara's lips and Tegan hoped that meant she was also near the edge.

"Oh! Oh god, baby!" The warmth and goodness Sara was bringing to her center brought Tegan to the edge and her entire body shuddered as her orgasm crashed into her body in rolling waves. She clutched onto Sara's bum a bit tighter and bucked her hips against Sara's face until the waves slowed down and she wasn't panting so loudly. She pulled back from Sara's core to apologize "Sorry. I waited as long as I could. You made me feel too good, I couldn't hold it in."

"That's okay. You know it was a big turn on when you were riding my face. Will you put your pussy on my face again? Like we can 69 each other." Sara sexily suggested as she lay on her back hoping Tegan would also move positions. Her face adorned with a huge grin, Tegan got on her knees straddling her sister with her back to her before carefully being guided down by Sara's hands so her slit was hovering above Sara's mouth.

More licks and caresses were given by one twin to the other twin's core and the room filled with soft moans. Using both hands, Tegan spread Sara's folds gliding a thumb over her entrance and up to rub on her folds. She brought the thumb back the entrance and plunged it inside wet walls. When Sara rewarded her with a low moan, she stuck her other thumb inside so that both thumbs were inserted as deep as they could go then wriggled them inside her. Tegan felt another orgasm coming and thought she could use the vibrator on Sara to get her to come at the same time.

She lifted her center off Sara's face and lay back on her side next to her. Grabbing the vibrator, she turned it on to the lowest setting and pressed it against Sara's swollen clit then leaned in to make circles with her tongue around the her entrance just below. Tegan saw how wet she was and hoped it wouldn't hurt her sister as she pressed the tip of the vibrator snug against Sara's entrance plunging it in about 3 or 4 inches. Sara's head flew back and she momentarily stopped licking Tegan's pussy.

Tegan pumped the vibrator in and out of Sara and within a minute, she was juicing down her bum with the fluid dripping down to the bedsheets. "Tegan, it's starting to hurt. Can you just lick me and kiss me instead?"

"Yeah, of course baby" she replied softly. "Can you use it on me?" Tegan asked already handing it over to her younger twin.

"Sure, do you want it on your clit or inside you?" Sara wondered.

"Inside me. Like stick it real deep inside me and like pump real quick too. If you do that, I'll last a minute before I come." Sara immediately plunged the vibrator glistening with her fluid inside Tegan's hot walls then licked around her folds sucking her clit into her mouth. Warm pools of pleasure grew in Tegan's belly and she signaled she was about to come by her delirious moans as she could sense the ecstasy about to take over her body.

Plunging both thumbs inside her again, Tegan licked around her thumbs and Sara's entrance then slipped her thumbs out to make tight circles on her clit. Reaching the point of no return, Sara pulled her mouth back from her sister's center moaning out her name as waves of pleasure crashed upon her shore. The mix of tender kisses to her pussy combined with the vibrator pounding deep inside her had been too much for Tegan to take and her orgasm overtook her right then seizing up her body a moment after Sara's climax hit her. Fluid was shooting out from around the vibrator and Sara pulled away to see her sister's walls rhythmically clench onto it as more fluid shot out from Tegan's pussy. Both were left exhausted collapsing onto their backs and silent until their breathing nearly returned to normal. Sara propped herself up on a pillow and Tegan slithered up so her body was just below Sara's with her head resting on Sara's chest.

"Sorry about your sheets. That's only happened a few times before and I didn't know it was going to happen just now." Tegan apologized kissing nearby flesh focusing her gaze on Sara's circle tattoo.

"Don't apologize. That was hot. I've never seen a girl actually come like that before. We can just wash the sheets later. No biggie." Placing a gentle kiss on Tegan's head, Sara wrapped her arm around her shoulder giving her a squeeze.

"I'm so happy, Tegan." Sara softly said as she stared blankly ahead with a million thoughts running through her mind. She wanted to be truthful with her sister thinking that she owed it to her and that it was the best way for them to repair their all too often inimical relationship.

"You're so profoundly happy?" Tegan teased her using the same word she had used to describe her sadness a few days earlier.

"Don't make fun of me. I really was sad and I really am happy now. The last couple weeks n days have been a rollercoaster for me."

"Relax, Sara! I wasn't making fun of you. You're happy because we're having a lot of sex and orgasms. Even sad people get happy with that." Defending her words, Tegan did her best to state her case that Sara was just happy because of the sex.

"No, Tegan, it's not just about the sex. I want to be with you in more than just that way. Look at me" she instructed pulling her head back an inch and waiting to be met by a nearly identical face. "I love you. I'm in love with you, Tegan, and I have been for a while." Their eyes had locked and Sara's gaze toggled between Tegan's lips and eyes as she waited for any answer, verbal or otherwise, as to how her sister felt knowing she was in love with her.

Tegan looked away for a second before returning her gaze to connect with Sara's as she let out an empty chuckle. "Don't say that! When you say things like that you're just taking this to a whole 'nother level."


	6. NO Girl -Chapter 6 - Same Love

"Tegan, I'm not saying it so you say it back to me or hoping that you'll talk about what you want to do about us. I'm not trying to get you to talk about your feelings. I'm just telling you about _my_ feelings. I want to be honest with you about everything and that's how I honestly feel, Tegan. I'm in love with you." Her sister's heartfelt confession seemed to upset Tegan causing her to look away from Sara shaking her head with disappointment and her tone turned somber as she queried "So then you lied?"

"No. That's what I'm saying. I'm being honest with you. I haven't told you any lies."

"Sara, I specifically asked you that first night if you had a crush on me or if you were in love with me. You said 'Maybe I have a crush' but you didn't say you were in love with me…so you lied."

Perhaps subconsciously looking for an escape, Sara's gaze turned to the open bedroom door as she let out a sigh of defeat knowing that she hadn't been as truthful as she was letting on. As close as she was to Tegan though, the idea of letting her in on all of her thoughts and feelings scared the shit out of Sara mostly because she was afraid it would scare Tegan away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't, I didn't mean to lie to you. I guess I didn't know for sure but now…there's nothing I've been more certain of. Hey, look at me" Sara waited until Tegan turned her head to connect their gaze softly telling her "I don't want to fight with you. I was just trying to be honest and talk to you about how I feel."

"We're not fighting. We're talking" The tone of Tegan's voice made it seem as though the conversation at hand was lighter than it really was and she kept a faint smile on her face explaining "I'm just saying that when you say that…when you say things like that, it changes this. You're trying to change this." In exasperation and trying to come up with reasons why Sara shouldn't have told her she was in love with her other than the real reason, she looked away again shaking her head before reconnecting their gaze. "Sara, I'm in love with Lindsey."

The words rang in Sara's ears and landed in her heart with a thud. The room was silent while Sara scanned her sister's face looking for any signs of deceit. Sadly, she didn't see any and loudly sighed in defeat again "I know. I know you are."

She wrapped her arm around Tegan's shoulder giving her a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "I still don't want to fight with you." Happy that her younger twin seemed to have accepted that she was in love with her girlfriend and the conversation would be getting lighter, Tegan gave a kiss to nearby flesh.

"I told you. We're not fighting. We're talking." Tapping two fingers on Sara's chest, Tegan suddenly lit up and turned to face Sara pulling her head back a bit. "Actually, I'm peeing first n _then_ we can keep talking." Peeling herself off of Sara and crawling off the bed with a groan, Tegan disappeared into the bathroom.

"Oh, right! You're peeing after sex?" Sara yelled towards the open bathroom door.

"Yep, 'm peeing after sex. It flushes everything out so you don't get any infections like an STD."

"STD?!" Sara continued the conversation of shouting getting louder when she heard the echo of Tegan's urine stream hitting the toilet bowl.

"UTI! UTI I meant. Not STD." Laughter then the sound of the water coming from the faucet while Tegan washed her hands echoed off the bathroom walls spilling into the bedroom. Sara fell back on her pillow with a smile on her face and stretched out both legs freeing them from the sheets only to drape it over her upper thighs to just above her breasts. Tegan emerged from the bathroom completely naked and hands dripping with water. "Yeah, I meant UTI. I always pee after sex."

"But you didn't, this morning when we first woke up you didn't pee after though" With a furrowed brow and look of concentration, Sara did her best to recollect whether or not her sister had gone to the bathroom the first time they had sex that morning as Tegan slipped back under the covers pressing her body against Sara's side. Cold wet hands were suddenly cupping both of Sara's cheeks startling her and causing her to grab the wrists of both offending hands and turn her gaze to the culprit.

"Hey! Your hands are freezing." Sara felt Tegan's body shake with laughter and she did her best to stifle her own laughter but was unable to stop her lips from curling into a grin. As soon as Sara released Tegan's hands, she ran them through Sara's hair. "There. I'll dry my hands on your hair. And I did pee. I peed in the shower before you came in."

"Tegan! No!"

"What? It's not that bad. It washes down the drain. I washed my body completely with soap after." Blushing a bit from her confession, Tegan was absentmindedly straightening the material of the sheets covering Sara's tummy.

"That's gross."

A smirk appeared on Tegan's face and she craned her neck to look her in the eyes. "It's gross? Hmm?" An exaggerated puzzled look adorned Tegan's face as she leaned in so that her lips touched her Sara's ear sexily quizzing her "So peeing in the shower is gross but licking your ass isn't?"

Tegan pulled her head back to see her younger twin's reaction and Sara's blush started in her cheeks spreading to her ears. "You didn't think it was gross when I did that to you though, huh?" She teased her again causing Sara to look down before sheepishly admitting "No one has ever done that on me n it…I kinda liked it though."

Tegan was not one to kiss and tell but she wanted to tell Sara a story about her first girlfriend and reasoned that saying it in a hushed voice would temper her betrayal. She leaned in again until her lips were touching Sara's ear "The first night that Paula n I moved in together, we did everything. We had all sorts of sex for hours and she did that move on me in the shower. I came like crazy a few times that night." The memories had transported Tegan back to that magical night and when she pulled her head back, it revealed a sneaky grin "I was totally like 'This feels awesome. Yep, I'm a lesbian for sure!"

Sara, who had been fully engrossed with Tegan's story, let out a chuckle studying her older sister's face with a mix of admiration and love. Unable to resist the urge, Sara suddenly encircled Tegan tight with both arms and flipped them so she was on top and pressing down her knees into the mattress trapping her in between them. "So did you give it any consideration?"

"What? Lesbianism? Yeah, I decided it's for me." Tegan began her reply with a puzzled tone and look on her face then ended it with a self-satisfied smirk glancing up at Sara for her reaction hoping it was one of amusement.

"No." Sara's eyes momentarily shut at the thought and she shook her head in laughter "No, dork. I meant did you give Sainthood any consideration, ya know for the album title?"

"Ehh. We could do better."

"What?! No! Sainthood is perfect. You said yesterday that you liked the idea." Taking the bunched up sheets on Tegan's tummy, Sara lifted them up to cover her breasts pressing the material down her ribcage until her hands met the mattress. She was starting to get excited talking about the new album causing her speech to be sped up and her lisp more pronounced.

"It's short n sweet and we could find lots of different interpretations of the name. We'll do a cover of the song-which shit! Reminds me I hafta email Nick N Piers later today and see if we can get the rights. And if,_ if_ we get them then we leave the name of the song then have the album called Sainthood. I mean, Tegan, you heard them the other day. They're such beautiful lyrics and we would get to sing them every night. We would get to expose Leonard Cohen's genius."

"You want to expose Leonard Cohen?" Tegan deadpanned.

"Really? I'm trying to be serious here. I lived and breathed these lyrics for months with Annie." Tegan saw Sara's tone turn serious and she knew to ease off the jokes especially since she was talking about the girl who had broken her sister's heart this past summer after dating for only a few months.

"The lyrics. What are they? Do you have them memorized?" Tegan wondered.

"Of course. I told you: I lived n breathed them for nearly a year" Sara recited the lyrics nearly motionless while still straddling Tegan and both girls let the words bounce around their heads each assigning their own meanings and interpretations.

I came so far for beauty left  
so much behind  
My patience and my family  
My masterpiece unsigned  
I thought I'd be rewarded  
For such a lonely choice  
And surely she would answer  
To such a very hopeless voice  
I practiced all my sainthood  
I gave to one and all  
But the rumours of my virtue  
They moved her not at all

"Ya know how I was telling you that I practiced my sainthood for Annie? Well, I've been realizing that ever since Glasgow, I've been practicing my sainthood for you, too." Holding her sister's gaze as Sara continued to gush with personal revelations this morning, Tegan ran both hands up and down Sara's thighs.

"Going to therapy n anger management. Do you know how hard it was to go on the meds? It felt like such a failure, that I was a failure for needing drugs to fix me and make me better. But I did it for you. I felt so bad for hitting you and just being angry all the time. I realized I was practicing my sainthood with you even before Annie n then when I had the dreams n the feelings, I've been practicing another kind of sainthood for you. Inviting you here to write songs was me practicing sainthood for you. I mean even me telling you about my feelings for you, Tegan, that…that was me practicing sainthood for you. I'm trying to be brave n open n honest."

"Do you realize that coming out and telling you was like 100 times harder than coming out as gay? But it's weird because so much about it was like discovering and coming to grips with it. Same feelings of being alone, feeling like a freak, that no one will love you, society and everyone you know won't accept you but at least some societies accept gay people but no societies accept us. So it's just that much ha-"

"Uh, Sara, there is no us." Lifting up her hands to her face, Tegan momentarily covered her face letting out an exasperated sigh then returned her hands back to Sara's thighs. "Do you realize how much better it woulda been if we had been drunk. Like if only we had been drunk every night here or at least the first night. We could've just blamed it on that. Hell, if we were drunk enough, we could've pretended it never happened."

"I would never blame being with you or my love for you because of alcohol or being drunk. That would be like a crime. But back to what I was saying, it was really hard and even though I wanted to just ya know run away from the feelings n ignore you, I tried to deal with them head on."

"Is that why you left me?" Hands that had previously been motionless on Sara's thighs started to trail up and down while Tegan kept her eyes locked on her sister.

"Left you? When did I leave you?"

"Montreal" Tegan quickly replied raising both eyebrows and sporting a look that suggested she thought her sister knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Tegan, I didn't leave you. I needed to be on my own. The band didn't break up. I mean, Jesus! Are you still upset with me about that? It's been years!"

"No. No, I'm not still upset. Just wondering if your feelings for me were the reason you moved away." Just as her sister had done to her earlier, Tegan studied her sister's face looking for any signs of deceit.

"I told you. I started having the dreams just a few weeks ago. Montreal was years n years before that. This had nothing to do with Montreal." Reacting to Sara's reply with a forced grin, Tegan silently nodded her head processing the information. Tegan gave Sara's bum a light slap with one hand.

"Hey, can I get up? I wanna go for a run. I need to think n I have some ideas for music and you can send emails n check your emails while I'm gone. Whaddya say? We meet downstairs in about an hour?"

"Okay, one hour" Lowering her upper body down to Tegan, Sara sealed the agreement with a kiss.

Right foot then left foot pounded the pavement as Tegan ran in the middle of the road in the quiet neighborhood they had rented the house. Each morning, the jog had been very beneficial to Tegan. Letting her figure out her thoughts, goals and plans for the day, she had yet to end a run on down note. Sure, she was tired (or sometimes oddly energized) but she was always glad for the time alone to sort out her admittedly spazzy brain.

This morning was no exception and a few minutes into her run, Tegan realized that she might be out later than she had told Sara. She wasn't too happy with how their morning had ended and especially as she felt Sara kept trying to get Tegan to talk about her feelings and how or if they were going to end their incestuous affair. _Incestuous affair! Holy Christ! Well, no, that is exactly what it is. There's really no other term that better describes what you and Sara are doing. You guys gotta stop this. Lindsey! You're cheating. You're cheating on her and you just fucking got her. She's so sweet._

As she had been doing many times since her and Sara had been intimate, Tegan pictured herself shamefully admitting the affair to her girlfriend and various reactions but all of them were bad. In no scenario that Tegan imagined was there an understanding much less supportive girlfriend. What she was doing with her sister wasn't a fake, exaggerated letter to Playboy magazine. It was real life and no one in her life from her girlfriend to her family and friends would be anything but horrified. Tegan realized she had sped up her pace and considering she was already an estimated 12-15 minutes into the run, she was keeping a fast and steady pace.

Her thoughts always kept coming back to Sara though. She did feel bad for her but out of empathy or sympathy was the question. Tegan had been doing her best not to think too much about her own feelings for her sister. She knew they could never have a relationship but Sara was right that a relationship between them was like being gay. Society would never accept them. _Accept us? Shit if Sara heard you say that…or think that. Whatever. She does have a point. Poor Sara. She had to deal with being gay and having feelings for you_. The world had been mean to her in dealing her that hand but Tegan hoped that their week of getting it out of their system would cure her like the characters in Sara's stupid favorite novel.

She hoped this would keep Sara motivated and invested in the band and momentarily wondered if that made her a whore for sleeping with her sister to keep her in the band. _But would a whore enjoy it? You enjoyed it. Admit it. It felt good. See. Damn it! You did it sober, you can't take it back. Well, except that one night but we weren't that buzzed. No, we could've never have taken this back. Tegan, you slept all over the house with Sara n did all sorts of positions n you guys had all sorts of orgasms. Time to admit that it felt good._

As right foot then left foot continued to slam down on the road in front of her, Tegan continued her internal inquisition and struggle. Although she could admit to liking what she did with Sara, she didn't think their love for each other was the same._ I mean Sara straight up just admitted that she practiced sainthood whatever the hell that means to woo you. She admitted to wooing you. That's the sort of shit you did with Lindsey. Sara loves you like you love Lindsey._

Sara was proofreading her email to Nick and Piers when her mum called and maybe because she was close to a window, the cell phone reception wasn't too bad. They talked again for several minutes about the progress the twins had made since the last time they spoke and Sara was not happy to know that her sister had never called their mum back. It wasn't just that Sonia had joked Sara never relayed the message to call her back but she was quite certain that Tegan was avoiding speaking to her mom at all costs.

After reviewing then sending the email, Sara got up and dressed then got the sheets from her bed putting them in a pile just outside her door. She pushed open the door to Tegan's room and saw clothes from the night before scattered on the carpet around the bed. Sara picked up the clothes and brought Tegan's dirty underwear to her nose taking in her scent. It reminded her of the sex they had shared that morning and a smile born of lusty memories adorned her face. She was afraid Tegan might come back any minute and did not want her to see her creepily pushing her face up against her underwear. She added the clothes from Tegan's room to the pile of sheets outside her door then went back for Tegan's dirty sheets.

Standing still next to the bed with her eyes on the open doorway of Tegan's room, Sara listened for the sound of the front door or any sound indicating her older twin had returned from her jog. She promised herself she would only breathe in Tegan's aroma for a moment as she bent down until her nose touched the bed sheets then took in a deep breath through her nostrils. Sara started the laundry then went back to her room to check the rest of her emails and wait for her sister to return.

Sara heard the front door open and a minute later, a sweaty Tegan appeared at her doorway taking a swig of water bottle. "Hey, I'm gonna shower then we can go downstairs, ok?"

"Yeah, ok." Sara had only locked eyes with Tegan for a second before her gaze went back to the laptop. Tegan nodded then she gave a few slaps to the doorframe before walking back to her room to shower and get dressed.

"Hey! You didn't call mum yesterday?" Sara yelled towards the open door. Tegan reappeared at the doorway resting a forearm on one side. "No, not yet. I meant to call her after Lindsey yesterday but the reception was really shitty plus I figured I'd call her back today after my run. I'll shower and call them both back real quick before we go downstairs."

"Ok, cuz mum asked me to have you call her and she kinda gave me shit saying I forgot to tell you."

"Oh, well, I'll let her know you gave me both messages. It wasn't your fault." Tegan assured Sara with a smile.

"Ya know, Tegan, I know you're trying to avoid awkwardness with mom because you're paranoid she's going to find out but you should just call her n get it over with. The longer you avoid talking to her, the more she's going to get suspicious that something's up."

"I heard you the first time. I'll call her when I get out of the shower." The tone in Tegan's voice was one of annoyance and hearing this, Sara kept her eyes on the laptop's screen in front of her knowing what she was about to say.

"Oh, that's right! Five minutes. You'll call her in five minutes. You're being paranoid, Tegan. Just call her."

"Well, you're being annoying. I'm going to shower. I'll see you downstairs in a bit."

When Tegan emerged from her room 10 minutes later, she poked her head into Sara's room to make sure she was already downstairs and was surprised to see she was in nearly the same position on the bed when Tegan had gone to shower. A flash of anger at Sara arose in her but she forced it down afraid that the day might spiral downwards resulting in not much music to show for at the end of the day much like the recording session the day before.

"Why aren't you downstairs? I thought you'd be down there already."

"I'll be down there in a couple minutes." A little too casually, Sara glanced up briefly at Tegan then back down to the computer screen.

"A couple minutes?" Tegan wished to confirm.

"Yeah, I'll be down there."

"Okay" Tegan said after letting out a sigh of exhaustion. "I'll see you down there."

Tegan sat in the recording studio for nearly 45 minutes. She was getting pissed off with Sara. _What the fuck? What the fuck is she doing up there? I mean how many emails is she sending. I fucking knew it. She was being such a bitch about it. 'I'll be down in a couple minutes.' Fucking bitch didn't even look up from the computer screen when she said it. She invites me here to work with her n write songs and the stupid bitch is upstairs pretending to be writing emails._

Even though they were supposed to be collaborating, Tegan made use of her time recording vocals for a song she had been humming in her head since her run this morning.

One way or another, I'll find my way to cover.

I sing to find my other, sing to find my…

One way my lovely other, they find restless cover, you to another, sing to find your…

All too often the twins wrote songs about, for and to impress each other and they had been engaged in a playful competition of songwriting for nearly half their lives. The lyrics Tegan came up with this morning were no exception and she knew hear sister would recognize herself and their situation in the words. This, however, would be her song and not a co-written song and just as she had that thought, she decided to march up the stairs and see why the hell her sister wasn't downstairs working with her yet.

Her eyes widened when Tegan saw Sara still on her bed but this time she was under the blankets and still typing away on her laptop. "Are you fucking kidding me? You're not done? I've been downstairs for nearly an hour waiting on your ass."

"I'm updating our MySpace. I had a lot of emails to go through, too." Sara's anger was growing and the sting in her heart from hearing Tegan say she was in love with Lindsey was still smarting her.

"Are you like pissed that I didn't call mom back? I mean who fucking cares? I'll call her when I call her. It's no big deal if I don't talk to her for 2 days."

"That's not what this is about and you know it."

"Actually, I don't know what this is about. Why don't you enlighten me?" Anger was rising in Tegan's voice and it saddened her that a day that started out so beautifully was seeing such a sharp reversal of mood. When Sara looked up from the screen on her lap, her eyes were watery and Tegan knew immediately Sara was upset about more than just a phone call.

"What's going on? Are you about to cry? Why are you crying?" Tegan took a few steps closer to Sara watching in awe as she'd only seen Sara cry a few times as an adult. She mostly kept her bouts of tears to herself in keeping with her independent, autonomous personality. Even though Tegan sometimes wished Sara would open herself up to her more, she did not want these tears today. Not now.

"Tegan, why can't we be together? I know you love me. You just don't want to say it." Sara managed to get out the words before tears fell down both cheeks. Tegan felt a flash of pain as she stood a few feet from Sara's bed as her sister began to weep.

"Sara, I do love you. You know that. It's just not the same way. I saw the way you looked at me in the shower today and it's not the same. I'm in love with Lindsey" Tegan softly repeated her words from earlier today looking away from Sara as soon as their eyes locked.

"But our love is different. It's special, Tegan, I know you know what I'm talking about. I know you feel it, too."

"Sara, it's not the same." They were holding each other's gaze and Sara began crying even harder at her older twin's words. Both hands were raised to cover her heartbroken, anguished face and Tegan stood frozen watching the scene unfold unsure of the best plan of action. She felt a great deal of sadness to bear witness to it but she also knew that a relationship between them wasn't going to work out and denying the love between them would actually be the smartest thing to do. She wanted to be strong for the both of them

Tegan thought about repeating her last line so that perhaps the words would sink into Sara's head but she decided that even she wasn't that cruel. A million thoughts raced through her head including 3 scenarios of how Tegan could possibly handle the situation. The first was Tegan coming to Sara's side and pulling down her hands from her teary face and kissing her and telling her she was in love with her, too. That was what Tegan wanted to do. What Tegan thought she probably should've done was come to Sara's side and pull her hands down and tell her they'd work through what they did and that everything would be okay.

And then there was what Tegan actually did which would haunt her for years to come and would serve as inspiration to always try to be a loving, supportive sister. Years later when her sister was in the throes of her depression, Tegan's mind would take her back to this moment and she often wondered how impactful the moment was to Sara.

Tegan turned around and walked through the doorway turning around again to quietly close the door on Sara who had her face buried in her hands softly bawling her eyes out.


	7. NO Girl - Chapter 7 - Intersect

As her hand fell from the doorknob, Tegan contemplated how this was her lowest moment as a sister. Little did she know that she would be haunted by this image of shutting the door on a weeping, distraught Sara so much so that whenever she saw her looking sad on stage or after a fight the pair had where Tegan realized she was the wrong party in the matter, her mind took her there to that moment. And little did she or Sara know that unbearable anxiety and debilitating depression would grip Sara for the next 2 years but Tegan made sure to always keep her engaged and did everything to lift her spirits until the storm clouds parted.

Of course, she would make up for the cruelty she displayed later on by being there for her when the worst was to come but the memory of her callousness popped into her mind from time to time no matter how sweet of a sister she was. Less than one year ago, she would have been over the moon to have made Sara cry like she just did but after the therapy they had gone through after Glasgow, this was a major setback for the twins. Walking down the stairs of the basement, Tegan racked her brain trying to recollect another time when she had seen such anguish in her sister's face but her mind drew a blank. This fight would be legendary for them leaving Sara as the defeated and Tegan the unwilling victor.

They had fought each other for so much of their lives that both were resigned to the fact that their relationship would always be fraught with the peaks and valleys from fighting then reconciliation but this was no ordinary fight. Sure, the sisters had pushed, kicked and hit each other over the years and their verbal abuse was just as bad but Tegan knew that what just happened was different from the rest of their squabbles. What she just did to her sister was closer to emotional abuse.

_I mean right? You just made her cry. You didn't have to be so mean about it. And then when she starts crying you just walk away? That was pretty fucked up of you. But then…but then if you had stayed it woulda just made it worse. You might've, you might've kissed her n then who knows what woulda happened? It's probably for the best. Just hang out down here for a bit, leave her alone, let her…let her cool down n stop crying. Hey, she might even come downstairs._

Tegan then imagined Sara coming down the stairs to apologize. In Tegan's imagination though, Sara walked up and pushed her body against Tegan and her guitar, apologizing and kissing her all over her face and neck. As Tegan adjusted the guitar strap around her neck, she scolded herself for such thoughts and her hypocrisy.

_Sara is right. I feel "it", too. This shit is so much bigger than us and admit it: this was something you've thought about and wanted for a long time_.

Even though Tegan did feel the same thing and wanted the same thing as her, it was the one rare time where she was being the practical one. Just entertaining the idea of a relationship between them was impractical and she was saving both of them from the inevitable heartache.

Her sister's love scared her, too. Not because it was her sister but because it was so strong and so intense she could feel herself drowning in it. Sometimes when they were onstage performing and especially in airports when they said their goodbyes to each other after a tour, the sheer might and beauty of it overwhelmed her.

Even though she heard the door click shut, she didn't realize that Tegan had actually left the room until she took her hands down from her tear stained face and saw that she had vanished. More tears fell down her cheeks and although no one was there to witness her crying, Sara brought her hands up to her face again shielding her heartache from the four walls that seemed to close in on her.

It took several moments before she stopped crying and her breathing returned to normal and she began to feel a pounding in her head. She didn't cry often and a massive headache from the tears was coming on. Sometimes music helped to stave off headaches so she started humming a tune she had been working on the week before in Montreal. She wondered how the morning had taken such a drastic turn from morning sex and pillow talk to fighting and tears. _Well, who knows? Tegan might not be crying. You might be the only one crying. I mean she fucking just walked away. She just left the room when you were crying so I don't think she gives a fuck._

Sara quickly pictured Tegan's face, her naked body in the shower then she pictured her standing up downstairs singing in front of a mic stand playing one of the fast, punk style songs she likes. An image of Tegan looking at Sara right before she came in the shower this morning flashed into Sara's mind. _God I thought she was in love. She looked like it. This morning. And why? Why did she like get the wine that night and only…not let me touch her? But, Sara, if she loved you, she'd be here. She doesn't love you. She loves Lindsey. She told you. She chased after her n finally got her and she doesn't love you. This has probably been some weird friends with benefits thing to Tegan._

_Think about it. She left you. You forced this on her. She didn't ask for any of this and to get involved but you involved her, didn't you? Even if she does love you in the same way, you just blew it right now by having a hissy fit meltdown. Didn't learn from Annie did you? Still getting all psycho emotional over girls? See, this is why you had to go on meds…because you just can't…you can't deal with your emotions like a normal person. You can't be normal and deal with rejection or even relationships. You deserve this so much._ Words of heartache and self-loathing oozed up from the cracks in Sara's mind into her consciousness.

You separate from my body, you need consistence from somebody.  
Oh I deserve this anguish on my house.

Quickly grabbing the pen and pad on her nightstand, she wrote down the lyrics flinging the pad across the bed as soon as she finished. Reluctantly she got up from the bed and went to the garage to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. Sara came out of the garage walking through the kitchen towards the basement door and when she was a few steps away, she could hear the guitar and Tegan's voice singing though her actual words were too muffled to understand.

Working alone in the basement for 30 minutes, Tegan was beginning to cool off a bit and wondered if her identical twin was doing the same upstairs. She sat down on a black leather swivel chair spinning it around a few times thinking about Sara and Lindsey and everything in between.

Tegan had been working on a song and had one verse done but it was still a work in progress. It was not one of the songs she had been working on with Sara because she already had the idea before and it was her baby. Besides, all the music they were supposed to be writing in New Orleans was original. She hopped up from the chair and turned on the recording equipment then sang into the nearby mic and mic stand she had set up waist high so she could record and play in the chair.

One way to erase bad ideas, well I won't see you once you arrive.  
One way to escape bad ideas, well I won't cry to you, not that you would mind.

She recorded the lyrics which had popped into her head moments before then reached down to turn off the recording. Tegan sat back down in the chair and picked up a nearby guitar tuning it for a few minutes before she worked on another song that had been floating around in her head. The alone time gave her a moment to think about their progress so far in terms of music writing and it got her blood boiling.

Even though Tegan knew that Sara had a much slower process, she was used to writing at least one song a day when writing alone so that the pair had only finished four songs in the last four days was a defeat. She could have made that much progress on her own and she wouldn't have had to deal with all the headache of Sara's input and suggestions.

Why were they there if not to work and write? For years, Tegan had been upset at her sister's apathy towards the band. She would take classes at university and refuse to do interviews letting Tegan know exactly how much interest the band held for her. Since The Con though, that seemed to change and the invitation to collaborate in New Orleans had been another hopeful indicator that Sara actually cared now. She hoped Sara wasn't reverting back to her all too casual, indifferent mindset towards the band and their career in the music industry.

Needing a break from the studio and wanting to finally get one particular call out of the way, Tegan trudged up the basements stairs with her cellphone in hand. She checked the bars on the phone indicating poor reception and decided to walk out the front door and into the driveway shutting her eyes momentarily at the sun's blinding glare bouncing off the concrete paving. It was Fall in New Orleans but the sun was shining brightly and Tegan felt the heat from it within a few moments of being outside.

Sara had been peeing in her bathroom when Tegan shut the front door so she did not hear it and she sat back down on her bed reading over the new lyrics she had written with her mind repeating the phrase "Oh I deserve this anguish on my house" until she knew it would be stuck in her head for hours. Setting the pad of paper on the nightstand, Sara got up in search for her older twin.

She stood at the door of the basement for nearly a minute waiting to hear Tegan sing or play an instrument and heard nothing but silence. Sara opened the door and loudly called out "Tegan?" She shut the door and went to Tegan's room but was unable to locate her there either. As she walked back into her room closing the door behind her, Sara started to get worried but hoped that her sister had gone to the coffee shop down the street.

_She wouldn't have told you she was going. She just would've gone. If you don't see her for another hour then call her and make sure she's okay. You never know, maybe she went for another walk or a run. _More tears fell from her eyes thinking about how much she had upset Tegan this past week. _I mean she's gotta be reeling from all this. Fuck! You are such a shitty sister so have done this. She…must be so pissed with me. Why did you drag her into this?_

Tegan came back into the house and walked by Sara's door to see if she had emerged from her room since their fight but saw the door was still closed. _What a bitch! She just…she puts in no effort. Extends no olive branch. She's a fucking bitch. If not for you, there wouldn't even fucking be a Tegan and Sara. She would be a fucking lawyer or a university professor or some stupid shit. Some boring ass job instead of the cool job we have making music" _Tegan had reached the doorknob to the basement door but her blood was boiling just enough that she made a 180 degree turn heading towards her younger sister's bedroom door so she could confront her.

Two loud knocks at the door signaled her presence and Tegan, who was only inches from the door, shouted to it "Hey! I've been downstairs waiting on you. Are you coming down?" She didn't answer and after a few seconds, Tegan warned "I'm coming in."

Sara was lying on her stomach on the bare mattress with her face away from Tegan's vantage point.

"Hey, are you coming downstairs?"

Sara got up into a sitting position and Tegan saw she was still crying and her eyes were incredibly red and puffy. It looked like Sara had been crying the whole time since she last saw her.

"Are you still crying?"

"Yes, I'm still crying and, no, I'm not coming downstairs. I'm going to stay in bed and keep crying." Sara was quite adamant about the free flow of her emotions today and her reply had a touch of a needling tone to it.

"Sara! I get that you're really emotional right now and ya know you had to deal with the divorce n then Annie broke your heart right after you were getting over Emy but everything is going to get better. I promise. You just need a new Emy, Sara. You need a new wife. And you'll get one. I promise. There's so many girls out there who would die to be with you." At this point, Tegan had taken several steps into the room and was a few feet from the foot of Sara's bed where her pep talk fell on deaf ears. Hearing her sister tell her she loved her back in the same way would be Sara's only cure for her lovesickness.

Tegan, I'm not crying over Emy n I'm not crying over Annie anymore. These tears are for you."

"Well…I wish you'd stop. Stop crying over me. It's not going to do us any good. It's only going to make things that much more difficult, Sara." Exaggerating to try to prove a point, Tegan wondered "Do you realize I just spent the last hour n a half in the basement waiting for you? Why didn't you come down there?"

"I walked by the door to the basement a little bit ago n I didn't hear you down there. I even opened the door n called out your name." Speaking with a cracked voice, Sara defended her earlier actions. "I want this, too, Tegan. That's why I called you here. That's why I invited you here…was to work."

"Oh, really? That's why you're like laying in bed and have been for hours." Tegan scanned her sister with a disapproving look.

"Fuck you! I'm sick of you saying that shit. I care about the band just as much you do, Tegan. Who invited who here? Me, that's who. And who has the perfect name and cover song for the new album? Me. Again. I've had my heart broken 3 times in the last year. This is going to be my best album yet. You've been cruising easy street. You don't even have any solid lyrics, Tegan. All you have are melodies n licks n that's it."

"Are you fucking high right now? Sara, I just wrote an entire song right now in the last hour or so down there. It takes me one hour n it takes you a full fucking day to _maybe_ write one song. I don't even need you to write music. You slow me down." Tegan made sure to look Sara in the eyes when spitting out her last line and did her best pitiful tone to inflict the most amount of pain on her younger sister.

"In fact, I was thinking downstairs 'I mean what the fuck am I even doing here? I coulda done this shit from L.A. hanging out with my girlfriend."

"Tegan, fuck you! So I have a slower pace. I mean for fuck's sake, how many fucking times are you going to bring that up? I write slower than you. Big fucking deal! It takes me long-"

"Nooo! That's not just what I'm talking about! I'm talking about how you don't even give a shit about this band. You moved to Montreal hoping we'd break up then when that didn't happen you…'ehh maybe I'll take some classes at University.' I mean, Sara, you've never been 110% about the band like I have. Admit it."

"Fuck you! That's not true. I invited you here to work on the next album, you fucking idiot. That proves I care about the band." The muscles in her back stiffened and Sara's lisp and anger were pronounced in her reply.

"No, that proves shit! All it proves is that you wanted to sleep with me or tell me that you wanted to sleep with me. Either way, you weren't downstairs right now writing music with me, were you?"

"Tegan…" no sooner did the name leave her lips than Sara was softly crying "Is that all you care about? I thought you loved me. Why did you get that bottle of wine last night?" Trying to state her case through the tears, Sara remembered the specific touches Tegan had done to make the night so perfect. "You had the lights all low n we cuddled to-"

"Sara, I bought the wine." She shook her head as if trying to erase a thought then turned her gaze back to Sara looking her straight in the eyes "I bought a bottle of wine _and_ champagne when I went to the grocery store the other day. I bought it so we could celebrate the collaboration and figured we'd drink them the last day n night we were here. I hid both of 'em under my bed. The champagne bottle is still under my bed. Go fucking look for yourself. And I dimmed the lights the other night cuz that's what you do when you watch movies." Laying on the sassiness extra heavy, Tegan placed the cherry on top "Or do you go to movies where they turn the lights on real bright?"

"You're a fucking bitch!" New tears fell from both of Sara's brown eyes and two hands shot up to conceal the tormented face they came from. "I can't do it again. I can't…" Both hands wiped tears from both eyes then wiped off the fluid onto the mattress below. Sara looked right into the eyes of the person causing her tears today "I already moved to Montreal once. I can't even do it again even if I wanted to. Tegan, if you won't be with me then I can't take it. I honestly couldn't take it…being in a band with you. It would hurt too much."

"Are you crazy? Are you seriously saying that if I don't get with you like that that you're _quitting_ the band? Quitting the band? That's fucked up, you know I have a girlfriend. You know what you need to do, Sara? Go take one of your crazy pills that you got on for punching me in the face in Scotland n then when you've calmed the fuck down, maybe, _just maybe_ you can come downstairs n do what you said you came here to do. Write fucking music! Make fucking music! You're just an emotional mess n like always, you don't give a shit about the band. Cool! Well, I'll be downstairs writing a song an hour so if you ever calm down and want to join me, you know where I'll be." Slamming the door behind her, Tegan stormed off in a huff back to the basement studio.

_What the fuck is going on? This morning was perfect and the afternoon has turned to shit. _Sara racked her brain attempting to figure out where they detoured from whispered declarations of love to loud and venomous insults. Her mind was spinning and she gave up trying to trace where the morning had been derailed. All she knew was that Tegan was gone. She was somewhere in the house hiding away from Sara and probably resenting her.

This was the same rollercoaster of emotions she put herself through over Annie and she had just put a tantrum of epic drama on full display in front of Tegan now._ You just told Tegan this morning that you've been practicing sainthood for her. Is this sainthood? Giving ultimatums like a psycho and the hissy fits? Really? You shouldn't have even involved her in this. It's clear she doesn't want this. She doesn't want the same thing out of this, definitely not a relationship._

Sara wanted to make sure her sister didn't feel the same way and she slipped out of her room and into Tegan's room to look for the champagne bottle. As soon as she got on her knees next to the bed, she saw the large green bottle on its side. Sara had imagined that Tegan had gone on her run the day before. She had been under the impression that Tegan had bought the bottle with romance on her mind so knowing it was just an afterthought bought to celebrate their music instead of their love was another blow to her fragile heart.

_She doesn't love you. She told you and look. The champagne bottle is right there. She didn't buy it for you, to make it up to you and apologize_. Processing this info as she walked to the garage, Sara looked as if she was in a daze and she was blinking back tears. She placed the clothes and sheets into a nearby laundry basket carrying it back to her room as quick as possible hoping she wouldn't bump into her older twin.

Back in the safety of her room, she sat on the edge of her bed and with her right foot nudged the corner of the basket she had placed on the carpet a few feet in front of her. Sara pushed the basket as far as it could go letting out a sigh when it was finally out of her reach. She shook her head wondering why she was always trying to push things away from her. _You have to stop pushing things away. You need Tegan and you've pushed her away and if she only cares about the music then you gotta make things right with her and make the music with her that you said you were going to make when you're here._

Grabbing her pen and pad from the bedside table, Sara began to write an apology note.

Tegan,

I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for what I said about your lyrics and I'm sorry that I've been so apathetic about music these last few days. Sometimes my anger and emotions get the best of me but I'm constantly working on controlling them and being a kinder person.

Being in a band with you has been the best decision I've ever made and I promise to commit to the band 110%. Please stay and write music with me.

Love,

Sasa

PS I cleaned your sheets and here are your clean clothes.

Once she had finished folding Tegan's clothes, she placed them in the basket along with her sheets then tossed the note into the basket. Sara tiptoed to Tegan's room putting the clean sheets on her bed and her clean clothes on top of the sheets. She left the note on the pile of clothes grabbing the laundry basket and putting it back in the garage before she returned to her room. Instead of putting her clean sheets on her bed, she lay back on the bed staring up at the ceiling hoping her apology note would be well received. After about 5 minutes of her mind racing a mile a minute, she went back to the pad and pen a third time today. Sara was in an inspired mood and lyrics were flowing out of her mind and out onto the pages below.

Tegan also found herself in an inspired mood and she spent the next two and a half hours, recording new lyrics and music by herself in the basement. It kept her mind busy which was something she was thankful for and probably part of the reason she stayed downstairs so long but her mind couldn't help but replay the sisters hurling insults at each other. Usually she shook her head after thinking about it for more than a minute and hoped that it would help free her mind of such sad memories. As bad as Tegan felt for what she said and that they had fought at all, she didn't feel she was in the wrong and trying to patch things up with Sara felt as though she would be conceding that she was the one at fault.

Her bladder was crying out for relief and Tegan set her guitar down marching up the stairs to the bathroom in her bedroom. Once she was done in the bathroom, she noticed something out of the corner of her eye on the way back to the basement. Her clothes from last night were folded and in a pile on her bed and a piece of paper laid on top of it.

Tears began streaming down Tegan's face as soon as she started reading the note and she fell to her knees clutching at the bed and sheets on her way down. She felt like crumpling up into a ball and bawling her eyes out but didn't feel worthy of doing that on the bed._You were so mean to her and look how nice she is. She apologized. She did apologize and she cares about the band_. Although Tegan had noticed that Sara didn't make any mention of their physical affair or her ultimatum, she was overjoyed that her sister was remorseful for her actions and committed to their band. It had been so long since Sara told Tegan about her investment in the band. The affirmation from Sara that what she wanted was to make music and be in a band with Tegan was welcome news. The last time she told her what she wanted was in another much longer note that she wrote to Tegan when she moved to Montreal.

"Tegan?" Sara, who had left her room to get another cup of coffee, saw that Tegan's door was open and she took a few steps inside her room seeing her collapsed on the floor on the other side of her bed. As she scurried around the bed and knelt down to comfort Tegan, their eyes locked setting off Tegan to shed new tears.

"No, don't. I'm sorry." Looking away from her sister, she buried her face into her shoulder as Sara's arms encircled her body. A kiss was placed on her forehead.

"Hey, Tee, don't cry. Please. I didn't mean to make you cry and hey! Look at me" Cradling Tegan's face with one hand, she turned her head up so they could meet each other's gaze.

"No, Sara, I'm sorry. And I hope you don't hate me. You're gonna hate me and I'll do everything I can to make you not hate me, okay?"

"Tegan, what are you talking about? Why would I hate you? I don't hate you. I love you. And I promise to give the band my all. I'll never take another class at university ever again." She hugged Tegan at these words and gave her another kiss, this one on the top of her head.

"Sara, I have the same feelings for you. Well, I don't know if they're the exact same but I know I want to be with you. I just...I. I've been confused because I have feelings for Lindsey. Like I love her and I'm in love with her but I'm also in love with you."

Her heart began pounding loudly in her chest and Sara could feel the beating in her ears as she scanned her older sister's eyes looking for any signs of deception.

"Tegan, you don't…you don't need to tell me that. I'm…I'm gonna stay in the band either way. I want to be in the band. I want to make music with you. I'm happy this is our job, this is our career n our weird life. I…I love it and I get to do it with you, my best friend." Sara was on her knees resting her bum on her feet and she placed a hand on top of Tegan's closest knee.

"I know. I read your letter. I'm not doing…I didn't say that to keep you in the band. I mean it. I've had feelings for you before this, Sara. Before we came here but it's not right. I mean, we could never have a relationship together so there's no point in acting on it. At least that was my way of thinking so I just kinda pushed the feelings out of my head. And I want to be with you but it's wrong. I'm cheating on Lindsey and it's just wrong. We shouldn't be together, ya know?" Worry was etched into Tegan's face as she looked up at Sara for an answer.

"Wrong? Because…you think it's wrong because you're cheating on Lindsey or because you just think it's wrong…us being together?"

"Both. I mean if I was single, this would still be wrong." Tegan gestured pointing to Sara then back to herself indicating their intimate relationship was the problem.

"I don't think it's wrong. Our love is beautiful and so intense, Tegan. We're not hurting anyone…well, besides Lindsey. It's not like we can get pregnant and have a mutant kid or something." Repeating words she has told herself dozens of times to assuage her own guilt, Sara toggled her view back and forth between Tegan's eyes and plump lips. "How long have you had feelings for me?" Sara wondered.

"Since the day I found your journal."

"My journal? When we were kid-" She nodded her head then interrupted Sara mid-sentence.

"That night. That night, I masturbated but instead of pretending I was you doing those things _to_ Heather, I pretended _I_ was Heather. And it didn't make sense when I was a kid ya know? I mean we were just a bunch of horny teenagers but I kind of pretended it was normal to be curious but either way, I mean we can't, ya know? We can't be together, Sara."

"No! No, that's not true. We can, Tegan. We can be together. No one is stopping us and no one will know."

"I don't know! I don't…I still don't know what to do." Looking up at her sister, Tegan's eyes were in search of comfort and she received it in the form of a hug.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. We'll figure this out like we always do. We'll get through this, Tegan." Smiling at the reassurance, Tegan fell onto her back on the carpet below and pulled at Sara's arm hoping she would follow suit. The pair laid side by side on their backs next to the bed and Tegan kissed her on the top of her head before letting out a loud sigh. The pair were silent for several seconds before Tegan said in a loud, exaggerated voice "And _that's_ why you don't sleep with your sister."

Sara's body shook with laughter and she turned her body towards Tegan resting her head on her chest. "Seriously. That's probably good advice."

"Ehh, it's spilled milk like you said. Fuck! I have a fucking headache now from crying." Tegan brought up her left hand rubbing it against her temple.

"Shit! Me, too. I've had it for hours now. It sucks."

"I kinda wanna take a nap right now n hope it goes away. You wanna nap?" Tegan turned her head back an inch waiting for an identical face to meet her own.

"No, I wanna work. Don't you want to go downstairs? You said earlier that's why we came-"

"Sara, relax! I know you want to work. We will. Let's just take a quick nap. My head is pounding and I'll be useless downstairs anyway."

"Well, let's at least get up from the floor n into the bed." Sara stood up first offering a hand to Tegan to help lift her up from the floor and into the warm bed.

Spooning her from behind, Tegan whispered to Sara before they drifted to sleep "Thanks for washing my sheets." Sara took one of Tegan's hands in hers and lifted it to her face where she pressed her lips against the back of her hand.

When Tegan woke up, the clock radio on the bedside table read 8:37pm which meant that the twins had slept for well over two hours. The room was nearly pitch black and Tegan let her eyes adjust to the lack of light in the room as she called out her sister's name. Sara woke up and nuzzled her face into Tegan's neck.

"Okay. I'm up." She crawled off the bed offering her hand again to Tegan who took it pulling herself up to a standing position in front of Sara then pulling her closer so their hips crashed together.

"Hey, let's go for a walk right now. A nice stroll in the fresh air would do us both some good n it'll pep us up for writing. You've been inside this whole time. You've barely left the house n seen the city. C'mon! Whaddya say?"

"A walk? You wanna go on a walk now? What about writing? I don't want you getting mad at me later saying that I'm not into writing n working. I'll work. I'll work right-" Concerned that Tegan might use her lack of participating today thus far against her at a later date, Sara voiced her objections to the proposal.

"Sara! I know. I told you I know that. _I'm _the one wanting to go on the walk. Real quick like 20 minutes n _then_ we'll go downstairs n burn the midnight oil."

"Okay! Lemme get dressed properly. It's probably pretty chilly out there." Excitedly turning on her heels, Sara raced to her room to get warmer clothes better suited for the crisp, November air. She yelled from her room calling out for her older twin's help to put on her bed sheets before they left the house. Tegan appeared at her doorway wearing an oversized black hoodie swinging keys around with one hand.

"Honestly, I don't even see the point in putting the sheets on. We're leaving tomorrow. The cab comes to pick us up at 9pm. You can sleep in my bed tonight. Someone…I'm not going to name names was nice enough to clean my sheets for me so we'll be sleeping on clean sheets." Still swinging the keys around, a sly grin appeared on Tegan's face as she spoke leaning her upper back against one side of the door frame. Sara flashed her a matching smile then looked down zipping up her navy blue hooding to just above her breasts.

The stars were in full bloom tonight and there were only a few clouds obscuring the night sky's beauty. Although it was chilly, both girls were snug in their hoodies as they walked onto the sidewalk from the driveway. Tegan grabbed Sara's closest hand interlacing them and pulled them into the middle of street. It was a very upscale, quiet neighborhood and Tegan had mostly run the last few days in the middle of street until the occasional car driving by forced her to temporarily return to the sidewalk. There were no cars in sight tonight as the pair reached the first intersection and Tegan pulled Sara towards her to go left onto the next street.

"It's nice, huh?" Tegan wondered as she turned towards Sara with a smile and swung their hands up in the air in between them then back down again to their thighs.

"Yeah, it's nice. The fresh air is nice. I'm glad you were so insistent about it." She swung up their hands again into the air in front of them as kept walking under the light from the half moon. "Why do you think this happened to us, Tegan?"

"What? Loving each other?"

"Yeah" She squeezed Tegan's hand as she softly replied.

"I don't know. I've wondered that myself. I just figured that it wasn't meant to be this lifetime. That maybe this lifetime was just for music n I hoped in the next lifetime, it would be our love, ya know? We'd be able to love each other in the next life."

"Do you ever think we're one person n we, we're one person who just split into two for this life?" Sara wondered as her thumb stroked Tegan's hand.

"Yeah, I've thought about that but no…No, I think we're two people who have a really intense cosmic connection n we just either keep bumping into each other in different lives or maybe we need to like resolve stuff, ya know. Like resolve issues in our lives n move forward n just improve our relationship."

"But we are. I mean look at us right now. We made up n apologized and we're sorting out our issues." She didn't feel like she was excusing their fighting and Sara knew the conversation at hand was about more than the pair's recent squabbles. Tegan was talking about destiny and soul mates. Far more heady stuff than petty bickering about lyrics or ultimatums.

"This-" Holding up their interlaced hands and pointing to them with her chin, Tegan continued "wouldn't have happened until we matured n got older. If this would've happened when we were in our early 20's or shit! Even worse, in our late teens? Yeah, it would have been a disaster. It would _not_ have worked out."

"You don't think? You don't think we would've worked it out then, too?" Sara inquired doubtfully. They had reached the next intersection and Sara pulled on Tegan's hand bringing them in her direction and going right down the next street. "C'mon! Let's go this way."

"No, there's no chance things would've worked out when we were younger. We would've killed each other. And if we weren't related and you were just some cute girl from the neighborhood or from school? Forget it! It would've lasted a few weeks at best. No, the only way we would have worked out is if we couldn't leave each other after a fight. We're sisters. We can't divorce each other. I mean we could cut each other off and disown each other but it would take some drastic shit to get to that point."

"Ehh, I guess you have a point. If we were just friends in a band together, I don't think we wouda lasted so, yeah, you're probably right. It wouldn't have worked out unless there's no way out." After pondering her wonders, Sara was beginning to see Tegan's reasoning and she started to stroke her hand again with one thumb. "So, what are we going to do? We can be together and you're going to stay with Lindsey? You're not going to tell her or mum about this, right?"

"I definitely won't be telling Lindsey or mum or anyone about this. And, yeah, I'm still going to be with Lindsey. We can be together but not all the time. Certainly not with anyone around. And I'm still going to stay in Vancouver n hang out in L.A. with Lindsey. And you're still going to be in Montreal. I mean nothing really is going to change…we'll just be together like that when we're alone n we can."

Tegan swung up their hands in the air and wore a content grin when her brown eyes met her sisters. "And you really need a girlfriend, Sara. I can't be your girlfriend n besides it would look bad if you didn't have one. You'll fall in love with someone n you'll forget all about me. Jus' watch." She winked and flashed another smile in Sara's direction. They were approaching the next intersection and Tegan yanked on Sara's arm pulling her into the middle of the intersection and bringing her closer for a hug.

Sara leaned into the hug and pressed her lips against her older twin's neck before whispering "Tegan, we're in the middle of the street. Don't you think this is a little dangerous?" Pulling back her upper body so they were a few inches apart facing each other, Tegan scanned around her looking for cars or people but didn't see any.

"No, we're fine" she said before leaning and capturing Sara's bottom lip between her own. She tilted her head and opening her mouth more deepening the kiss. Sara's arms coiled around Tegan's waist as slipped her tongue inside her sister's mouth. Tegan moaned and sucked on Sara's tongue then tilted her head again inserting her tongue inside Sara's mouth and massaging her tongue as soon as they met. With a gentle slap to Sara's bum to signal the make out session was over, Tegan broke the kiss grabbing at Sara's hand and pulling her down another street.

"This is like so much better than I imagined. Franny n John have nothin' on us." It was Sara's turn to swing their interlaced hands up in the air in front of them as they walked side by side in the middle of the street. A car zoomed by on the street in front of them until they were left all alone again under the moonlight.

"Sara, I think you've over-romanticized those characters. I mean that's all they are really: just characters. It's not real life."

"I know it's not real. And you're probably right. I probably have over-romanticized the characters but it's just such a beautiful love story n they can't have each other. No one will accept them, it won't work out n they know that." Her view toggled from Tegan's feet hitting the pavement in front of her to face knowing that she was about to reveal something of a personal nature and she wanted to gauge her sister's reaction. "Tegan? Can I tell you something?"

"Is it…you're not going to tell me we have a long lost sister?" A self-satisfied grin adorned Tegan's face and she looked for a matching smile on Sara's face. Shaking her head and chuckling at the thought, Sara scolded Tegan for her question. "Nooo, you idiot, it's not that. I'm being serious here."

Nodding her head in agreement, Tegan briefly squeezed Sara's hand and tugged down on their hands twice almost as a physical assurance that she was going to listen to whatever her younger twin was about to confess.

"Part of the reason that I'm kind of obsessed with John is because…like I identify, I always identify with male characters. I don't know what it is but pretty much every book, every novel that I read, I'm always identifying with the male characters. Most of my favorite books are like told from a guy's point of view n I like that because I kind of identify with men because sometimes I feel like a guy." Sara had kept her eyes on the road a few steps in front of her feet but she turned to face Tegan as she finished her last thought. Tegan nodded her head taking in this information and she consciously swung their arms up in the air again hoping it kept the vibe of the conversation light.

"Hmm, I guess I can see that. Like do you feel more like a guy than you do like a girl though?" Tegan wondered.

"No, not usually. I mean sometimes there might be entire days where I don't feel much like a girl n I don't want to dress in anything feminine but most days, I like ya know being a woman n having curves." Again looking at her to make sure she saw her reaction, Sara softly confessed "Tegan, sometimes I'll bind."

"Really? It doesn't hurt? And like why do it? Is it…do you bind on the days you don't feel like a woman?"

"It doesn't hurt. I mean it's like pretty much as uncomfortable as a bra. And, yeah, I sometimes don't like my breasts. They're like way too big and I'm sick of people staring at my boobs so sometimes it's nice to hide them."

"But you're not gonna like get a sex change though, right? Or I mean is that something you want?" This time it was Tegan who was turning to gauge her sister's reaction to her question but she would have to settle on Sara's profile as her eyes stayed focused on the ground in front of her.

"It's gender re-assignment and, no, I'm not going to change genders. I was just saying that I don't feel like a woman 100% of the time all the time and for some weird reason probably related to that, I seem to identify with male characters in books."

"Ok, whatever you're going through and even if you change your mind, we'll figure it out n make it right." Flashing a grin, Tegan lifted Sara's hand placing a kiss near her wrist.

When they got back to the house, Tegan convinced Sara they should take a quick shower before going downstairs and Sara started a new pot of coffee while Tegan started up the shower in her bathroom. Sara opened the shower door and slithered her naked body in closing the door as Tegan playfully slapped her bum. Turning around, she pounced on her older sister pinning her against the tiles on the shower wall and making out with her.

After a few minutes of slow, sensual kisses under the warm water stream, Sara broke the kiss and did her best to turn Tegan's body around with her back towards Sara. Grabbing her left hand, Sara pressed it against the shower wall then lightly tapped Tegan's calves with her foot.

"Yeah? Am I being arrested, Officer?" Tegan could hardly contain her excitement and she placed her right hand on the shower wall saving Sara the trouble. Sara was seductively nodding and both hands trailed down the curves of Tegan's back landing on her hips.

"You're in all sorts of trouble, missy. I don't know how you're gonna get out of this one."

"Are you going to clean me first?" Tegan wondered.

"I'm the one asking the questions here. And don't you worry about that." Happily asserting herself as the dominant one, Sara continued to give orders. Slapping the back of Tegan's right thigh, she pointed to the lower of the two shower shelves moving the shampoo bottle and soap to the higher shelf. Tegan had both hands on the wall just below eye level and her left leg carried most of her weight while her right leg was up in the air resting on the knee high shower shelf. Her folds were exposed to the misty air and her clit started throbbing waiting for Sara's magic touch. Lathering the bar of soap into a handful of bubbles, she slipped her soapy hand down Tegan's crack running it down and around to her pussy several times.

"When I'm licking you n fingering you, I want you to touch your clit, okay? Gimme a kiss" Shutting her eyes, she leaned until their lips met then got down on one knee holding and spreading apart Tegan's ass cheeks with her hands. Sara brought her face up to her sister's spread backside and saw the puckered skin of her asshole tighten before she had even touched it. Running her index finger over the hole a few times, she pulled the finger away grabbing again at the bottom of her ass cheeks and spreading her apart making room for her tongue. Sara pressed her tongue against Tegan's other entrance then gave it a few licks. Starting near her pussy, she dragged the flat of her tongue up past the hole to the top of her crack.

Tegan was moaning deliriously and rocking her hips down onto Sara's hot mouth. "I told you to touch yourself. You're not touching yourself. Now be a good girl n rub on your clit."

"Sara, will you finger me please?" Using her index and middle fingers, Sara glided her hand to Tegan's pussy where she penetrated her as deep as her fingers let her. Tegan released a satisfied moan as the fingers pumped into her as fast as they could and she shifted her weight removing her left hand from the wall bringing it to her swollen button which she rubbed for added pleasure. Usually when Tegan masturbated, she used her right hand but she wanted to balance herself with her stronger hand and the result was greater pleasure as sometimes the hand touching her clit didn't even feel like hers. It almost felt like Sara was responsible for all the pleasure sparks emitting from her core. The tingly sensations from her backside as Sara kept swiping her tongue across the hole combined with the pleasure as fingers poked her warm pussy. With three fingers, Tegan pressed against her engorged clit making tight rotations until Sara hit a particular sensitive patch of skin causing Tegan to slam the palm of her right hand against the shower tile.

"Oh, yeah! Right there! Don't stop, baby" Tegan begged breathlessly removing the hand that had been massaging her clit and bringing it back up to the shower wall in front of her to steady herself as she rode out her orgasm moaning loudly for nearly a minute.

"Are you done? Is it over?" Sara wondered as she slipped both fingers out of Tegan then lifted herself back up using hands placed on Tegan's hips for leverage. Her muscles were slightly stiff in that position and Tegan brought her leg down from the shelf with a groan. Twisting her body around, Tegan wrapped both hands around Sara's waist bringing her close for a hug and a kiss on the neck.

"Mmm, you felt so good. I love that shelf. It feels so good having your leg up in the air and you licking me like that. Here. Put your leg up there." Silently pleading with her eyes, Sara obliged Tegan's request and rested her right foot on the shelf. Still facing her sister, Tegan lifted her left leg resting her foot on the shelf so that their feet were touching on the small, flat area and each had another leg planted on the shower floor holding them up. Both brought their right hands to the other's dripping slits immediately fingering each other as Tegan leaned in nuzzling her face around the wet skin on Sara's neck. Touching her neck and ear with a warm mouth, Tegan's efforts were rewarded with a low moan from Sara.

Feeling her begin to pool into her palm, Tegan plunged her fingers up into Sara as fast as she could. Sara was also keeping a steady pace penetrating her with two fingers and when she added a third digit, Tegan's head flew back and she started moaning loudly again sending Sara closer to the edge.

"Oh god! I'm gonna come. Tegan!" Momentarily stunned by her orgasm, Sara's fingers paused inside of her twin and then she just as suddenly she started to poke her core again at a furious pace. Tegan began to climax and both girls were bucking their hips against each other's thrusting fingers as their lungs desperately searched for air in the steamy shower.

By the time the pair had dried off, dressed and got to the basement, it was already ten minutes past 10pm but both girls were buzzing with energy and bursting with ideas. Aside from two bathroom breaks and three coffee breaks for Sara, they were downstairs working non-stop for nearly six and a half hours before they decided to call it a night and return to Tegan's warm bed.

They undressed to their underwear in silence flashing matching mischievous smiles as clothes fell to the carpet below. Tegan got in bed pulling back the blanket so Sara could get in as well then she brought the blanket down to cover them both. One arm snaked over her waist pulling her closer to her older twin after Sara had reached up turning off the bedside lamp. Lips pressed against Sara's ear and she felt Tegan's hot breath on her neck before she heard the question "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm happy that we made up. I like it when we're nice to each other n we get along."

"Hmm, well, we get along pretty good when we're having sex so maybe we just need to keep having sex to stay on good terms." Puffs of air hit the back of Sara's neck as Tegan laughed at her own joke before Sara did.

"Well, as long as you don't go through another DJ phase, we should be okay." Sara teased her back clasping her hand on top of Tegan's forearm which was resting in front of her belly.

"Ouch! And _just_ when we were starting to get along." Tegan joked in a dramatic voice while tightening her arm's grip around Sara's body.

"What are you thinking about?" More puffs of air hit the back of Sara's neck causing Sara to lean her head back against the nearly identical body spooning her. "What? What's so funny?"

"You wanna know the truth? The first thought that popped into my head is 'I'm so profoundly happy right now.' And I'm not even being a bitch n teasing you. I am so fucking happy right now. I want us to get along like this forever. I love this. I love us like this."

"Tegan, come with me to Montreal. Please? I'll so make it worth your while if you come."


	8. NO Girl - Chapter 8 - Mirror

A warm arm wrapping around her waist woke Sara from her slumber pulling her body back for a gentle kiss on the flesh where her shoulder met her neck. Tegan had woken up not one minute earlier but couldn't resist spooning her younger sister and trying to line up their identical curves and dips.

"Good morning." More kisses were planted on Sara's shoulder after the cheerful offering.

"Mmm, morning." Taking Tegan's hand in hers, Sara brought it to her face taking in a knuckle in an open mouth kiss before bringing their hands down and interlacing them in front of her belly and letting out a groan. "I'm so happy…but then I just remembered that this is it. This is our last day. When does the cab come again? 9 or 10pm?"

"Nooo! Don't say that. Don't ruin the morning with that talk. Let's snuggle" Tegan protested taking their interlaced hands and pulling Sara back while leaning in to flirtatiously whisper against her ear. "Don't you wanna cuddle with me?"

Shaking with laughter, Sara turned around to face her older twin and they both flashed matching smirks before leaning in for a chaste kiss on the lips. "Yes, I wanna cuddle with you. And you're right. We can talk about the cab n packing n all that stuff later. Right now it's snuggle time." Sara nuzzled her face in the crook of Tegan's neck snaking an arm around her waist and nestling her body against Tegan letting out a satisfied sigh.

Placing a kiss on top of Sara's head, Tegan hooked an arm around her shoulder slowly caressing up and down her back with one hand. "Yeah, let's just stay like this for a while." Although both twins had shut their eyes, Sara didn't need hers open as her left hand trailed up and down Tegan's side eventually pulling her upper body back a few inches so her hand could cup Tegan's right breast.

"I feel like that's not cuddling. That's closer to groping…not really cuddling." Tegan playfully admonished Sara with two light slaps to her bum.

"You can't…So feeling someone up is not part of the whole cuddle thing?"

"No, it's most definitely not part of-" One hand suddenly squeezed Tegan's breast and two fingers rolled the bud of her now erect nipple.

"Hey! Sara! Be gentle."

"Sorry. Here. I'll make it up to you." Sara's open mouth kissed her nipple and she flicked her tongue over the hard bud before sucking on it releasing a content moan. She pushed Tegan back so she was lying on her back and admired her breasts with a look of lust and appreciation.

"You have like perfect breasts. They're perky, the perfect size. I mean they're pretty big but you have beautiful big boobs."

"Uh, Sara, we have the same breasts. We're identical twins. If you like my boobs then you like your boobs so I'm-" Lips were suddenly covering Tegan's right nipple again stopping her in the middle of her sentence and she briefly shut her eyes unable to resist taking in the sensory delight.

"Here. Lemme show you how to cuddle." Hands took hold of both of Sara's wrists as Tegan mounted her placing Sara's crossed arms on her chest before lowering her upper body onto her twin's body below. Their cheeks were touching and Tegan began placing kiss after kiss on Sara's face, neck and collarbones. Eventually the gentle, chaste kisses trailed back up her neck where Tegan's lips made contact with Sara's ear. "_This_ is cuddling."

Tegan peeled her upper body off Sara taking both of her hands by the wrist again and placing them on the bed near Sara's head. Sly grins appeared on their faces as Tegan delicately ran her fingers then her flat palms on Sara's flat palms interlacing their hands and pinning them to the mattress with the slightest bit of pressure.

Lowering her body again, Tegan's lips reached Sara's other ear which she kissed before offering a whispered confession "I love you." She was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and a similar confession into her ear then consciously let her body's weight collapse onto her sister below so she was hugging her from above. Hands roamed Tegan's back stopping at either hip where they slipped under the waistband of her boyshorts cupping both cheeks and eliciting a gasp.

"Hey! That's not cuddling. Again, that's closer to gropi-"

"I think if Joanne were here that she would say "Tegan, you should let your sister go down on you." This drew howls of laughter from the body above her.

"Ok, ok, twist my arm, why don't ya? Besides, you're not a good cuddler anyway. Cuddling and groping are two different things but not…they're not two different things for you though."

"You could come to Montreal n show me how to properly cuddle. I promise to be the best student you'll ever have." The smirk on Sara's face deepened as she looked up at Tegan flashing puppy dog eyes. "Please? Did you at least think it over n sleep on it like you promised last night?'

"Sara! C'mon! I never promised that last night. I told you. I, I can't make it. I'm meeting Lindsey's folks in San Diego. I can't get out of that. You know that. Please don't make me feel bad about it. I would go with you in a fucking heartbeat if I could. You know that, right?"

Worry was etched on Tegan's face causing Sara to feel remorse at taking the joke too far. She knew damn well that Tegan told her she couldn't make it to Montreal but she was hoping against hope that their week of intimacy could continue for even a few more days. She wanted to have Tegan all to herself in her familiar and comfortable home as the white, winter wonderland outside would provide yet another excuse to hold her older sister close in her arms under mountains of warm blankets.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was just messing with you. I know you want to go but can't make it. Whenever you have time to come visit me up there, I really…I really want to make that happen."

"I will. I'll come visit. I'll bring Lindsey, too! Whaddya say?" A huge smirk adorned Tegan's face as looked down for a similar reaction on her sister's face.

"Uh, no thanks! You can just come by yourself."

"Are you sure? I can bring mom then or even better, mom _and_ Linds." Hands slipped under Tegan's boyshorts and in protest at her words, Sara grabbed as much flesh from each cheek as she could.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! I need to eat before we have sex again. Are you hungry? Wanna get some breakfast? I promise you can fuck me any which way you want n we are totally going to cuddle later today." Tegan placed a quick kiss on Sara's lips. "But right now, we need to eat or at least I do."

"Ok, yeah, let's have some breakfast n then we can find a way to burn off all the calories. I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Oh, I have loads of ideas about how we can burn off the calories." Another kiss, but this one lasting much longer, was placed on Sara's smile before Tegan dismounted her and crawled off the bed. The twins dressed and brushed their teeth in their separate rooms before meeting in the foyer.

Standing in front of the full length mirror a few yards near the front door, Sara ran the fingers of one hand through her fringe waiting for Tegan to finish getting ready before they walked to the coffee shop a few blocks away. She emerged from the hallway wearing black jeans and a grey hoodie walking straight up to Sara and hugging her with both hands around her waist.

"You have the keys? The other set?" Tegan wondered as she kept hugging her sister and resting her chin on her right shoulder. Pulling away from the hug, Sara patted the pocket of her hoodie. "Yep, got 'em right here."

"Ok, I got mine so we're okay to go." Tegan had patted one of the front pockets of her jeans where she had the other house key pausing when she caught sight of herself and Sara in the mirror.

"Hey! Look at us." Tegan was watching the pair in the mirror as they had their hips together and she leaned in to hug her sister. "We make a cute couple, huh?"

Her gaze was towards the mirror watching Tegan hugging her with eyes closed. Her heart began to race contemplating how warm and pleasurable her twin's identical body felt pressed against her own.

Peeling her upper body back off of Sara, Tegan looked in the mirror with admiration then commanded "Look at me. Watch my lips, Sara."

Doing her best to focus on only Tegan's lips, Sara saw a self-satisfied grin adorn her sister's lips before she licked them and leaned in for a kiss with her eyes closed. Sara kissed her with her eyes open watching them in the mirror for a few seconds eventually closing her eyes and deepening the kiss letting out a content sigh. She had never been happier and every care in the world seemed to disappear as Tegan's tongue slipped inside her mouth and her arms pulled her in closer.

After a minute of making out by the front door, the pair managed to leave the house heading out to break their fast with some coffee and muffins. When Tegan walked down the driveway into the street and instinctively held out here hand behind her, Sara looked at the hand then glanced in both directions down the street to assess who might be watching them. Even though she didn't see anyone walking or driving in a car, she stuffed both hands in her pockets walking so close next to Tegan that her elbow brushed against her outstretched hand.

"No. No, we can't."

"No touching?" Tegan inquired as she walked by Sara keeping a faster pace than her in their short walk to the coffee shop.

"No. Not in public at least."

"No touching!" Doing her best mock impersonation of that oft-quoted line from one of their favorite tv shows Arrested Development, Tegan held up both hands in the air earning a smile and chuckle from Sara who had quickened her pace to keep up with her sister.

"Yeah, exactly. No touching. We're sisters. We shouldn't be touching each other anyway."

"Well…we don't exactly get along like normal sisters. I mean we don't touch each other n hug each other like normal sisters. You even said yourself when we hugged last month like how we haven't done it in forever n how happy mom would be. I mean, Sara, that's…that's cuz we're like not affectionate with each other like at all."

"Tegan. Normal sisters don't hug in front of ya know hundreds of people. That doesn't count. Like we don't count as a comparison because…because our life is so different." Sara caught that she had referred to their lives in the singular sense and quickly corrected herself with a pronounced lisp. "Our lives are different from theirs. You can't compare us to normal people."

"Ehh. Yes, most people don't hug their siblings in front of hundreds of people but even off stage, we're not as affectionate as most normal sisters are."

"But who cares about what normal is? Why do we hafta be normal?" Sara wondered stepping off the curb to cross the street just a moment after Tegan.

"We don't hafta be anything but I don't know…" Grabbing at a leaf hanging from the oversized oak tree in the front yard of the corner house they were currently walking by, Tegan trailed off into frustrated silence.

"What? What don't you know?"

"Well, I thought maybe you wanted to be affectionate but ya know don't want to do it in public. Is it…like is it a matter of you not wanting to be affectionate or just not in public in front of other people?" Tegan wondered as she carelessly threw the leaf to the ground by her side.

"It's because we can't. I don't want people asking questions. Even though it's technically true now, I don't want people thinking we get together like that. People get off on the idea of us together n it makes me sick. They trivialize us. They trivialize our love n if they're actually thinking we love each other instead of just fucking each other, they _still_ don't think about the pain. About the torture. Like how hard it is n how disgusted you are to have the feelings. They're just like 'Cool! Twin girls getting it on. Whoo!' And I hate that. I don't want people to do that to us."

"I know. I hate that, too. I hate it when people do that, too, but please don't hold back your affection for me because it's okay for us to show a little bit of affection to each other, Sara. It's okay for us to tell each other we love each other." Halfway through her speech, Tegan had turned around to face her sister so she was now walking backwards and she held out both hands with her palms facing the blue, cloudless sky. "It's okay for us to touch hands in public."

"Touch hands? Yes." Both of Sara's hands playfully slapped down onto Tegan's outstretched palms as she explained her position on the subject. "Hold hands? No. Never. That can't happen."

"I think you're wrong. I think we can be more affectionate n not really raise eyebrows. I mean we've been getting along anyway the last couple months. It wouldn't really look weird if we're more touchy feely with each other."

They rounded the last block and Sara caught sight of the coffee shop with a sigh "Tegan, I just don't think that's going to happen."

"Fine. But can you at least promise to think about it? Ya know, not holding back your affection?" Grabbing both of Sara's hands in her own, Tegan swung them up in the air by their sides. "Yeah, I can do that." Sporting a matching grin, Sara replied giving both of Tegan's hands a slight squeeze.

Returning from the coffee shop around 10:35am, the girls talked and giggled their way through breakfast at the island counter in the kitchen. They went to their separate rooms each fetching their laptops and bringing them onto separate couches where they checked their emails before they planned to head downstairs to finish writing one last song they had been working on but felt needed another verse and further tweaking.

The couches they lounged on were perpendicular to each other and the twins were on opposite ends of each couch with their back against pillows and an armrest. They were more or less facing each other but each was currently fixated on the computer screen on their lap.

"Did you see the email?" Tegan asked the question without even looking up to Sara not wanting to see her sad face at the news the email delivered. "Subject line: Rights to Cohen song. Do you see it? It was sent to you but I was cc'd on it."

"Fuuuck! Damn it! That fucking sucks! Well, we'll hafta scrap that song. No more Leonard Cohen song and title for the new album." She was fuming at the news and shaking her head then reading over the email one more time to make sure she understood exactly what her management was informing her.

"I'm sorry, Sara. That fucking sucks. I totally thought we'd get the rights to the song. We…we have a lot of good songs for the album though. The ones we've done here are weird but they're all solid songs I think. And your songs, I mean the songs you've done so far sound really, really good so…I think, I think we've got, we're gonna have a solid album."

Letting out a sigh at her sister's pep talk she turned to her left facing Tegan and with a slightly defeated tone remarked "Yeah, yeah I guess you're right. It's solid but fuck! I really wanted that song on the record. The idea of sainthood to me is just such a beautiful idea. It woulda been perfect with that song." Another sigh of defeat left Sara's lungs then her nostrils in one puff of air as she shook her head but this time in acceptance of the news instead of disbelief. "Oh, well. We'll think of something else."

The twins returned to silently reading and composing new emails for another few minutes when Tegan, with eyes still glued to the screen in front of her, broke the silence. "Hey! Sara?"

"Yeah" Sara answered without looking up from her laptop.

"Sara? Look at me." This time Tegan was looking at Sara with a quite serious look on her face.

"Yeah? What?" Turning her gaze up as well, Sara finally had her full attention on her sister only 10 feet away from her.

"I love you." The serious look on Tegan's face had been replaced with a gummy smile, the light of which reached her beaming eyes.

Sara grinned hard at this admission and a flurry of butterflies seemed to fly around in her stomach at right that moment. She grabbed her laptop at its top setting it down next to her on the couch then she walked over to Tegan kneeling on the carpet in front of her. She put one hand's clasp on the top of Tegan's laptop trying to lift it up from her lap and looking at her eyes seeking her permission.

"Hey! I'm not done yet." She protested using both hands to hold down the computer to her lap.

"Hey! I'm not done with _you_ yet." Tegan's face of protest dissolved into a blushing smile and she allowed Sara to lift up the laptop placing it on nearby carpet. She brought her attention back to Tegan with one hand resting on a knee and the other hand stroking her thigh over her jeans and offering "I love you, too."

Crawling on her knees a few steps to grab one of the couch pillows near Tegan's feet, Sara placed it on the carpet in front of her sister's torso then placed both knees on either end so she was kneeling in front of her.

"There. That's much better. Now where were we? Oh, that's right! You picked a horrible day to wear a button up shirt." Starting at the top button above her breasts, she unbuttoned her shirt and pulled the material on other side revealing Tegan's maroon bra which she pulled up and above both breasts exposing her erect nipples.

Sara leaned her upper body over her older twin's desiring to suck on Tegan's left nipple, her own erect nipple brushing against Tegan's arm on the way. She swirled her tongue around the tight bud then took her entire nipple into her warm mouth sucking it in with an exaggerated moan. Pulling back and blowing cool air on the saliva she had just left, Sara lavished Tegan's other breast with the same gentle care and attention.

"Take off your jeans but leave your underwear on." With a look of puzzlement and a grin born of curiosity, Tegan obliged her request unzipping her jeans and lifting her bum up from the couch just enough to pull down her jeans.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Just leave 'em…Don't take 'em off. Just right there." Patting down the bunched up material of Tegan's jeans just above her Converse, Sara looked back at her sister with a devious smile letting one hand trail up her leg until it reached the skin on her thigh just below her boyshorts. She looked Tegan in the eyes raising both eyebrows and asking for permission to continue as two of Sara's fingers found their way under the material inching closer to her crotch. Tegan signaled her approval with a mischievous grin and running her fingers up and down the arm whose fingers were just now reaching her glazed slit and spreading her wet lips apart.

"Oh, god! Baby, I love how you're always wet. Every time I touch you, you're _so_ wet." Kisses were planted on Tegan's neck and blushing cheeks and she noticed immediately when Sara's fingers stopped massaging her folds, the hand sliding out from under the material of her boyshorts.

"Touch yourself. Please. I really wanna see you touch yourself and you can see how wet you are." Still kneeling on the pillow, her upper body was hovering over Tegan and her lips had reached her collarbones when Sara asked her sister to masturbate in front of her.

Puffs of air came out her nostrils as Tegan shook with laughter at the request. "I know I'm wet. I don't need to check but I'll do it cuz you wanna see it." The pair looked at each other sporting matching grins while Tegan lowered her right hand sliding it under her boyshorts and immediately making tight rotations on her clit.

"That is so fucking hot. I could watch you do that for days. It's kinda hotter too cuz I can't really see what you're doing. Just that you're touching yourself." Sara had stopped her mouth's caresses and pulled back to watch the self-pleasure.

"I'm like doing circles on my clit. Do you want me to finger myself?" Tegan wondered and Sara leaned in to whisper against her ear. "Yeah, I want you to finger yourself."

Fingers moved underneath her underwear rustling the material as knuckles pressed against it lifting it up in areas to Sara's delight. Tegan had obliged her but had only entered herself with one digit. A hand that had been resting on Tegan's thigh began to stroke up and down her leg eventually reaching her boyshorts where her fingers trailed up the material until they hooked around the waistband near her hip bone tugging down on it.

"Pull your underpants down. I wanna see it. I wanna see you finger yourself. Please." Silently obliging her younger twin's request, Tegan lifted her bum from the couch sliding her underwear down to meet the bunched up material of her jeans then she resumed pleasuring herself with one digit.

"Use two fingers" Sara instructed as one hand trailed up and down a thigh and the other rested on her tummy just above a hip bone. Tegan obliged her again slipping in a second finger then closed her eyes and licked her lips.

"Does that feel good? Fingering yourself?" Sara wondered and Tegan let out a sound that was a mix of 'Hmm' and a moan. "So good." She continued watching her older sister pump two fingers inside of her own pussy then grabbed the material of Tegan's shirt peeling it back so it exposed her nipple.

Unable to stand idle any longer, Sara took hold of Tegan's wrist gently pulling her fingers out and placing the hand on Tegan's upper thigh. She wasted no time penetrating her sister with her index and middle fingers and kissing her lips slipping in her tongue with a soft moan.

Within a few seconds, Tegan broke the kiss breathing erratically and moaning into her twin's mouth as her walls tightened around curled fingers. "Oh! Oh! Oh my…Oh god, Sara!" Writhing on the couch from her sheer ecstasy, Tegan's mouth was agape as moan after moan left her pink lips.

"I can't believe how quick you just came. That took like two seconds. I barely touched you." Marveling at how quickly she was able to orgasm, Sara faced her excitedly telling her this as both fingers kept up their slow but steady pace poking inside her wet slit.

"Like I can still feel you coming. You're gripping, like clenching onto my fingers still. Oh! Right there! I just felt it. Yep. Felt it again. Again. Yeah, is that…should I keep going? I mean this isn't hurting you right? It still feels good?"

"No. It doesn't hurt. It feels good." Her breathing was just starting to normalize and a giant grin was plastered to Tegan's face when she opened her eyes focusing her gaze on her younger sister.

"So is this like the same orgasm? It's just not done yet or are you gonna come again n this is just like the build up to the next one?" Sara genuinely wanted to know.

"I'm gonna come again for sure. I don't know why it's still like tightening n clamping on you but I can totally feel that." Excited that she might be able to make her twin orgasm again, Sara slid both fingers out and leaned over her body until her lips reached Tegan's glistening pussy. She placed a gentle kiss on her now swollen clit then ran her tongue up and down her lips. Her tongue trailed back up to her clit which she took into her hot mouth letting out a loud moan.

"Like can you bring it…can you bring your bum closer to me so I can lick you better?" Sara had lifted her left hand snaking it around and under Tegan's right thigh near her bum helping to bring her center a few inches closer to Sara.

"Yeah! Right there. I can really kiss you n lick you better now." Lips again went to Tegan's core and she stuck out her tongue moving it in a side to side motion licking up and down her folds then a tongue pressed itself against her entrance collecting her tangy fluid on Sara's taste buds.

"Will you finger me and suck on my breasts?" Tegan wondered as one hand cupped the back of Sara's head which was bobbing above her crotch. It was Sara's turn to oblige her sister's sexual request and she wasted no time entering her with two familiar fingers then licking and sucking on erect nipples. Fingers slowly penetrated her warm walls curling each time Sara's knuckles reached her folds signaling they were as deep inside her as possible.

Lips wrapped around a nipple and Sara's mouth sucked on it tugging it back letting out a satisfied moan. Tegan started moaning deliriously bucking her hips off the couch as she grinded on Sara's fingers seemingly possessed by the intense pleasure of her next orgasm. Knowing that her climax might last a while and hoping to maximize her sister's pleasure, Sara kept flicking her tongue over her nipple and slowly but deeply fingered her warm, wet pussy.

Once she felt her walls had stopped contracting around her fingers, lips pulled back from a nipple curling into a smile to ask "Are you done? I don't want to stop if you're still coming."

"No. I'm done. Fuck!" Both hands pulled at Sara's arm causing her to gently slip out fingers out of her twin and place a gentle kiss on her stomach.

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Sorry if I kept going too long."

"No. You didn't hurt me. You made me feel really good. I'm just fucking winded is all." Raising an arm, Tegan brought the back of her forearm to cover her eyes letting out a sigh as she struggled to gain steady breath again. Shifting her forearm so it covered her forehead instead of her eyes, she opened them looking straight at Sara to deadpan "Having sex with you tuckers me out. You're worse than jogging."

Flashing a smile, Tegan grabbed at Sara's hand and lightly squeezed it. "I know I've said it before and it honestly feels like it every time…but that was like the best ever."

"But yesterday…in the shower, you were like 'Oh! Oh! Don't stop!' n like slammed on the wall." In order to better impersonate her sister for greater comedic effect, Sara put on a sexy high pitched affect to her voice and loudly slammed her hand down onto the leather of the couch a few inches above Tegan's thigh.

"Are you sure yesterday wasn't better?" Turning her gaze to see the exaggerated look of shock on Tegan's face, Sara giggled then attempted to soothe her hurt feelings with another gentle kiss on her exposed tummy.

"Oh really? Is that how it's going to be? What about you? What about 'Oh,Tee Tee! Oh fuck me, Tee Tee! Fuck me harder, Tee Tee!" Grabbing onto both of Sara's wrists, Tegan wore a devilish grin as she slid off the couch crashing her upper then lower body on top of Sara who had fallen onto her back on the carpet in a fit of squeals and giggles.

"Tegan! Be careful! You're gonna hurt me." Though her words were of protest, Sara was shaking with laughter and she wore a matching smile on her face. "Be careful." She said again as the dust settled leaving Tegan straddling Sara pinning their interlaced hands to the carpet near her head.

"Don't worry. I'm never going to hurt you." Releasing her hands momentarily from Sara's, Tegan raised them to pull onto the material of her bra lowering it down until the cups were snug against her breasts. With her underwear and jeans still around her ankles, Tegan wriggled her pussy on her younger twin's tummy while lowering her hands back down to Sara's and interlacing them again.

"You hurt me yesterday."

"Yesterday…" Shaking her head trying to erase the memory, she continued "Yesterday sucked for both of us. It was not a good day. An' I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said and did yesterday. We should just erase yesterday." Thinking about the sex they had in the shower and their nighttime stroll, Tegan decided to qualify her sentiment. "Most of the day anyway."

"Like why did you say that about my meds? Do you really think I'm crazy for taking them? I mean I know I kinda acted crazy yesterday but honestly, Tegan, do you think I'm crazy for having to take them?" Sara had totally changed the tone of the conversation and Tegan chastised herself for how careless she often was with her words even though she knew how magical and powerful they are.

"No! Sara, you're not crazy for taking them. You're brave for taking them n ya know going to anger management. Don't…don't listen to anything I said yesterday. I was just saying shit to hurt you. I don't even remember what I said so you shouldn't either. And, Sara, I'm really sorry for calling them that. That was really fucked up of me. If either one of us is crazy, it's me." Tegan had gone into full blown self-deprecating mode in order to further apologize and take the sting away from her cruel words the day before. Pointing to her ptosis-afflicted eye, she explained "Like look. _This_ is crazy. I got myself so wrapped up around someone that it made my eye droop for fuck's sake. _That's_ crazy."

Pulling back and squeezing their interlaced hands, Tegan promised her sister she would never hurt her again.

Leaning onto her right hand the knuckles pressed on the carpet, Tegan pulled back her left hand from Sara's and gently wrapped it around her throat as a sly grin appeared on her face. "Unless you want me, too. I'm into that if you are."

"Choking? I've never…really done that before. _But_ I never knew I liked someone licking my ass until you did that so…I don't know. Maybe I'll like it."

"That's, it's called a rimjob cuz you're like licking the rim of the asshole."

"A rimjob? Hmm, I didn't know it had a name. And the choking is, uh, that thing Michael Hutchence died of right? Auto erotic asphix-something." Sara wondered as both her hands trailed up and down the naked flesh of Tegan's thighs.

"Auto erotic asphyxiation is when you're like doing it solo and ya know kinda jacking off and choking yourself but erotic asphyxiation is when you do it to someone or when someone else does it to you." Her hand was still covering her throat and Tegan's thumb began softly stroking the flesh on the side of her younger twin's throat.

"You might like it but you hafta trust me if you want it to feel good n get you off more. Like that's all it really does is make your orgasm that much better n that much more intense but it doesn't really work unless you trust the person."

"I'm guessing you've done it before"

"I generally don't kiss n tell but, yes, I've been involved in such things." Responding with a devilish smile, Tegan lowered her hand tracing alongside the collarbone on Sara's right side. "So do you trust me?"

"I don't trust anyone. But I trust you enough to let you do it." Sara's words elicited a gasp from Tegan as she had tried to grab at her hand to bring it back to her throat.

"You don't trust me? Why not? I thought you loved me n you know I love you."

"It's not about love. Trust isn't about love. An' I love you n trust you more than anyone in the whole world, Tegan, but there's no one I trust 100%. Not even you or myself." With a tone that reeked of deep-rooted issues, Sara excused away her reluctance to let herself be vulnerable.

"Here. Come over here more away from the table." Dismounting her sister and crawling on her knees a few steps to her left, Tegan waited for Sara to do the same and commanding her "Get undressed." Tegan helped her sister remove her clothes tossing them on the carpet behind her near her laptop before crawling up to her until one knee was near an armpit and the other rested against Sara's hip.

Placing her right hand on Sara's tummy and the other on her throat, Tegan leaned most of her weight onto her left knee in order to bend down and kiss Sara on the lips. "Now you have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

"Yeah. I trust you, Tegan." Sara had gripped both of her hands around the forearm of the hand currently wrapped around her throat. "Like what? What safe word do we use?"

"Uh, well, I'll be choking you, uh, so you won't be...ya know using any words." Tegan retorted with a smirk and one hand stayed wrapped around Sara's throat while the other had wandered down to trail up and down her wet slit spreading her lips apart. Momentarily shutting her eyes at the pleasure her older twin was giving her buzzing center with her soft, purposeful massaging of her folds, Sara had a look of concentration before opening her eyes to look straight into Tegan's.

"Damn! That feels good. Ok, so I didn't even think about that. So should I just grab you or pinch you if I want you to stop?" Hair that had fallen in front of Tegan's eyes and on the side of her face were scooped up by Sara who tucked them around her bent ear.

"Yeah, it probably won't even come to that but just take a hand-" Taking the hand that had just tucked hair around her ear, Tegan grabbed Sara's hand bringing it down to rest on her thigh.

"If you don't like it, at all or it's too much or just whatever. Sara, if you don't like this then just grab or touch my thigh. I'm gonna have my eyes totally on you. Not to like…not in like a creepy way to watch you come although I totally wanna watch you come" Flashing her twin a smile, she finished "But to make sure you're okay n I'm not hurting you. I'm not gonna be able to really kiss you or anything because…I wanna watch your eyes. Don't worry. I'll be watching your eyes to make sure you like this. You trust me right? Gimme a kiss."

Putting most of her weight on her left thigh and knee, Tegan leaned down to kiss her sister on the lips. She pulled away just a few inches away from Sara's face looking her dead in the eyes again and her face was rather serious again. "I love you." She bent down a few inches for another kiss Sara was happy to provide.

"I love you more"

"You're just saying that cuz my hand is on your clit."

"No, I'm saying it cuz your hand is on my _throat_." The vibrations from Tegan's body shaking from laughter were faintly felt by Sara on her throat and tingly feeling erupted in her core at the thought of the kinky sex act she was about to engage in with her sibling. Oddly, she felt she was more at ease with Tegan than with anyone else she could have done this with even Emy.

"Touch my leg or look at my eyes, ok? An' lemme know if you don't like it or it's too much. I promise to be gentle." She earnestly assured as two fingers plunged inside Sara and a moment later her left hand squeezed Sara's throat for a few seconds before she relaxed her grip. The two familiar fingers that had been becoming acquainted with her younger twin's warm, wet walls were getting coated in her cream and when Tegan briefly pulled her fingers out, she wiped the wetness all over her folds and twitching clit. From the amount of wetness on her knuckles and on Sara's fold's dripping down her bum, Tegan knew that her sister was enjoying the kink.

She fingered Sara again but this time not quite as deep but much faster while her left hand briefly roamed down to nearby mounds lightly scissoring each nipple for a few seconds before returning to wrap around her throat slightly squeezing for another few seconds. Tegan watched Sara's eyes as her gaze went from Tegan's lips to her forearms then both eyes rolled into the back of her head. Releasing her grip and kneeling down to kiss her neck then cheek, she whispered "Do you like this? We totally don't hafta do this if you don't want to?"

"No, It feels…I, I like it. For some reason like I feel like if I come that I'll come real quick. Like when you were choking me n fingering me at the same time, it felt…really, really good n I actually thought I was just about to come."

"Really? Ok, I was hoping you liked it. I saw…I saw like your eyes roll into the back of your head n you were biting your lip so I figured n was hoping you like it."

"Don't watch me!" A bit of self-consciousness struck Sara and her cheeks blushed pink as she turned to look away from Tegan.

"Sara, I hafta watch you. It's not in a pervy watch you kinda way. It's in a make sure you're enjoying this n make sure you're feeling safe kinda way. I promise to look away when you come if you want." Tegan offered her this possibility and hoped the accompanying kiss would sooth her twin's anxiety. "Ya know what, baby? Just look me in the eyes the entire time I finger you ok? And when you're about to come then touch my leg n I'll look away."

"No, Tegan, you can watch. You can watch me come. It's okay. Besides, I know you wanna watch me come." A knowing smirk adorned Sara's face as she looked up to her twin whose face grew a matching smile.

"I wanna watch so bad. Oh my god. Ok, if you're saying 'yeah it's ok' then I'm totally gonna watch you come. But it's okay cuz you trust me, huh?" This question ended on a somewhat serious note and both Tegan's index and middle fingers started fingering Sara's dripping pussy. The hand on Sara's throat alternated between light squeezing to resting on it using barely any pressure and a thumb stroking up and down the flesh on the side of her throat.

Nearly two minutes into this pattern of squeezing on her neck from time to time and constantly and furiously fingering her, Sara's hips began to move about seemingly riding on Tegan's pumping fingers but with little control and lots of spasms. Crying out Tegan's name and moaning louder than she had heard her moan that week, Sara's climax hit her and fluid immediately shot out her pussy around Tegan's fingers onto her thigh and down to the carpet below. Once she realized that she was coming, Tegan had removed her hand from Sara's throat and she knelt down towards her to kiss her on the neck hoping to provide more pleasure to her sister while her orgasm ripped through her.

The girls joked around as both got down onto their hands and knees on the carpet naked as the day they were born to clean up Sara's come. "Well, I guess we know you like being choked and you like rim jobs. Ya know, going forward with your future girlfriends, now you know." With a wink and smirk in her younger twin's direction, Tegan dropped the paper towels she was rubbing the carpet with and playfully slapped Sara bum.

In the midst of cleaning, Tegan managed to steal a few kisses and both of them thought it was rather absurd yet hilarious to think about what they were currently involved in. They hopped into Tegan's shower yet again to wash up for the day of recording then got dressed before heading downstairs. They stayed down in in the studio for a little over five hours to finish the seventh song they had been working on the night before and did a few more tweakings and final changes to two of the other 6 songs they had completed during their stay in New Orleans.

Quite proud of their collaboration especially the last two days, the twins padded up the steps with Tegan who was walking behind Sara and trying to lightly slap her bum at every other step Sara took. Responding with a grin at her mischievous sister, Sara reached the door opening it up to a nearly pitch black living room and nearby kitchen.

It took nearly a half hour to make sure they had packed everything and the girls piled all of their luggage cases leaving all of them near the front door ready to transport when their cab arrived. Tegan down near the edge of the couch near where Sara was standing then tugged at the hem of her sweater instructing her "C'mere." Walking around the couch, Sara sat down on Tegan's lap facing her and offering a hug and a kiss on her neck. The cab was supposed to be there between 9-9:20pm and they had both their cell phones ready for when the cab company called to let them know their ride was there.

"I love you so much, Tegan. I'm gonna miss you so much." A rush of hot breath then then a set of lips pressed against Tegan's neck as Sara further nestled her crotch onto her older twin's lap.

"I know. I'm gonna miss you a bunch, too, but we're gonna see each other soon, Sara. We get to see each other two thirds of the year." Hugging her sister closer against her upper body, Tegan's bent ear was pressed against Sara's cheek and her lip was touching her ear when soft puffs of air from her nose were felt on Sara's face.

"Ya know I used to think that we musta done something bad in our past lives and us being in a band together n fucking being 20 feet within each other's proximity for most of the year was like a weird kind of bad karma Groundhog Day that we kept repeating but now I think that we did something really good in our past lives and this is like the better life. What we got for our good karma."

Tegan pulled back and waited until her brown eyes met identical brown eyes before asking "Like can you believe we found each other again? That's the way I see us" Both of Tegan's hands moved around her sister's thighs until they reached her bum and lightly cupped both cheeks over her jeans.

"Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I hate you n want to throw you off a fast moving vehicle…like several times a year but hey! That's to be expected when-" The familiar sound of Sara's ring tone filled the air stopping briefly stopping Tegan mid-sentence before she finished her thought and Sara reached over to pick up her phone. "When you're in such an intimate n intense relationship." One hand slapped Sara's butt when Tegan made the joke and she leaned up a bit with a smirk on her face. The cab was outside and both girls got up from the couch with loud, reluctant sighs.

They carried one bag around their shoulder and each wheeled another alongside them to the cab car and middle aged driver greeting them in the driveway. Polite greetings were exchanged with the driver and their luggage was kindly packed into the trunk by the driver despite the twin's protests and offers of help.

Warm fingers were suddenly touching one of Tegan's palms and she realized Sara had wrapped her hand around hers interlacing them. The driver, who had been watching, flashed a sweet smile their way then turned around to open one of the backseat doors to the car gesturing for them to get in. Still holding hands, Sara got in first then scooted over so Tegan could follow suit.

The driver made sure they were in safe then shut the door and hopped in the driver's seat quickly confirming he was taking them to the airport. Before they knew it, he was putting the already running car into gear and pulling out of the drive way and down the street.

Resting her head on her sister's shoulder, Tegan couldn't believe the progress Sara was already making and she was so impressed that she just went for it and showed that sort of affection in front of other people when she took her hand in hers in front of the total stranger. She let out a content sigh as they make a left turn onto the next street and some of her body weight inadvertently leaned into Sara's arm and shoulder.

The entire trip, although respectful to the driver, both sisters were nearly completely silent as they leaned against each other, their hands still interlaced and resting on Tegan's thigh. She looked down and for a brief second, light from the moon and a streetlamp illuminated the cab and she caught a glimpse of their intertwined hands causing her to smile and nuzzle further against Sara. She was thinking a mile a minute and realized that she didn't want the good times with her sister to end yet.

In the end, Tegan would go to Montreal with Sara for a few days and they would make love and share the bottle of champagne as they promised they would. They did everything Sara wanted and they did everything that Tegan wanted. They got to know each other better and it felt like they were able to love each other more because of it. Their time together was feeling like the most productive therapy they'd ever had.

She would call Lindsey at the airport and explain a lie about this being an important record for her and her sister and how necessary it was to continue writing and collaborating for their new record. She apologized and felt bad to cancel on such an important date with her girlfriend but as always, Sara was priority number one for Tegan and her heart's path. There was no deviating from this path and the few times she tried, she realized how futile it was. Her and Sara's love for each other was much too strong.

On the drive, she reflected on the four days that had changed them and how much their relationship grew and strengthened because of it. Of course, the entire five day trip even if it hadn't included Sara's confession, would have bettered their relationship but the four days spent making love and sharing secrets bonded them in ways that no other experience could have. Tegan was already coming up with lyrics and melodies reflecting on the grateful time she spent with Sara in New Orleans and in the back of the cab she kept humming one line that had crept into her mind as she held her sister's hand stroking the soft flesh with her thumb.

Tegan would use a female pronoun in these lyrics which was a rarity and she knew that Sara would not only notice this also that the lyrics would be Tegan singing from Sara's perspective. There was something comforting to her about repetition, and knowing that if the song was a fan favorite she might sing the lyrics to her sister hundreds of times during the tour for the album, was making her dizzy with anticipation and excitement.

She hoped her younger sister would like it and realized that she had subconsciously squeezed her hand again just thinking about it. Gently releasing her muscles and using her thumb to stroke her hand, she rested her head on Sara's shoulders as she repeated the lyrics in her head letting them sink into her brain.

Four days that I mention in a song, move along, get ahead, get her hand and bring her with you.


End file.
